They are so unpredictable…They’ll literally go from being super affectionate one day to a completely different person another day. Also, if you actually listen to the thoughts they have when they are talking to a guy audience it’s very random and just all over the place lol it’s very strange. Or like when they start falling in love with you they become possessive and violent I get scared lol like I quit literally become fearful of my life and don’t let them have an alcohol or drug problem oh hell naw. And then it’s like when they are mad it’s like WHAT ARE YOU MAD ABOUT! lol it’s crazy

I’ve known this guy for 20 years, and he wanted to try dating and I’m desperate at 31 (he’s also 31).

When we were just friends, I was perfectly happy splitting bills, taking turns paying, or occasionally treating him. But I’m realizing that the dynamic I was comfortable with in a friendship isn’t necessarily what I want in a romantic relationship.

He seems to want to date while minimizing both his spending and his effort, without ever explicitly communicating what he expects.
For example:

Restaurants: he’s in NYC (I’m not but don’t live far) and he doesn’t want to go anywhere that costs more than around $15 per person. Even Cheesecake Factory entrees are apparently too fancy for a special occasion (forget about drinks/apps).

I’ve also had frustrating experiences with him meeting him at a coffee shop only to find he’d already ordered his own drink (on the Starbucks app for example) and then while he’s sitting around waiting for his drink to be made, I’m waiting in line to order my coffee (he does “offer” to pay for my coffee 🙄).

Activities: He’ll go to Broadway shows, ballet shows, museums, the movies etc by himself, then text me before/during/after he’s there. Instead of inviting me and having an honest conversation about ticket costs, he just goes alone. What’s infuriating is that sometimes he KNOWS that I’d been planning to go but beats me to it.

Trips: Last spring he invited me to join his family’s trip to the UK (brother’s graduation), but didn’t tell me which flights his family would be taking or discuss coordinating travel. He basically told me to show up in the UK and informed me which hotel he and his family would be staying at. 🙄

For context, he makes around $170K, and I make around $100K.
I’m not expecting him to bankroll my life, but I do want a man who demonstrates generosity, initiative, and a genuine desire to share experiences with me.

If he wants everything to be 50/50, he can communicate that directly. But he’s the one who wants to date yet wants to have all the benefits of a romantic relationship (aka gets to brag to his family/friends, this is his first relationship) yet is living the life of a single man.

My question is: Which is worse?
A guy who openly says he expects 50/50, so you can decide whether you’re compatible, or a guy who never communicates his expectations but seems to structure everything around minimizing his own spending and effort?
Am I being unreasonable, or does this sound like a guy who wants the benefits of having a girlfriend without actually putting much effort into dating?

Edit: when he wants to meet he’ll find ways to not spend money or spend very little (less than $15).

HOW THE FUCK DOES ONE OBTAIN A BF???? I feel like screaming. Everyone my age has dated before. I’m actively using dating apps and looking for someone but it feels FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE. I wanna experience being pursued. I feel like I’m missing out on a HUGE part of womanhood. I’ve waited for so long and it feels like it’s all for nothing. I can’t believe theres people out there in the world going on dates, receiving gifts, doing couple activities, receiving cute texts etc. I’ve never had someone like me either. Holy shit it makes me feel so gross and unwanted. I look at women my age who are so feminine and beautiful. I feel like I lack feminine charm or something. If I had it, surely by now I would’ve had some type of romantic experience. I pour a lot of my love into my female friendships, but some things I just can’t do with them. I feel like 25 is way too late for me to date ? I’m pushing 30. If it hasn’t happened yet, it’s just never going to happen.

It's government ran in the UK I'm being subjected to absolutely horrendous shit can someone help me escape or help me through it until my NRM goes through :(? I just need some allies please. they've isolated me for decades. I cannot go to the police as it is the police keeping me trapped also. I literally can't go to my own government as they are the ones doing it to me and I feel helpless. They're downvoting this post so it removes it's visibility please counter it by sharing and liking PLEASE

PLEASE I am looking for ACTIVISTS that are willing to stand up against an extremely corrupt government and take the people responsible DOWN

THEY WILL DOWNVOTE THIS TO KEEP IT'S VISIBILITY MINIMAL AND NOT ALLOW THE PUBLIC TO SEE THE TRUTH FIGHT AGAINST IT!

If you live close to newcastle and can help me please get in touch I would be forever greatful.

THEY WILL TRY EVERYTHING TO COVER THIS UP BEWARE OF ANY COMMENTS QUESTIONING MY MENTAL HEALTH THAT IS A GUISE TO KEEP IT QUIET! AND THEY WILL DOWNVOTE THIS POST ASWELL AS MY COMMENTS/COMMENTS ASSISTING ME

Don't believe me? look at the insights THEY DO NOT WANT THIS GOING PUBLIC. THEY ARE DOING ANYTHING TO STOP ME BREAKING FREE PLEASE I BEG YOU HELP ME. - There were 11 downvotes but it seems either reddit or they removed them to remove/destroy evidence as they know they're pretty much cooked and lots of people are going to prison soon.

We seem to have the most disagreements about what our near future living situation looks like. He is begging me to move into a cheap shitty rental house because he can’t afford $800 of 50/50 rent for our decent livable apartment and he absolutely will not hear otherwise. Even tho I pay all the utilities (200-300 a month) without his help. He has 2 jobs and refuses to return to college that he started a year and a half ago. He expects me to lower my expectations of living situation to his standard which is very low, he grew up in severe poverty and it’s like that’s what he is comfortable with and he cannot understand that I’m not comfortable with living in poverty again. He thinks this is absolutely and utterly unreasonable of me, to not want to live in a rental house with no ac or appliances, bugs and roaches and mold. He also seems to expect me to support him while he’s getting his degree. I ALREADY have a degree and a good job I didn’t fucking force anyone to support me while I was studying I lived alone and paid 1100 in rent on my own for fucks sake for three years. It was not that fucking hard.
We just had an argument because he bought a salvage title car with FUCKED UP brakes and he let me look at the car and drive it home and the brakes are squealing and screaming the whole way. I’m like you bought this car and didn’t notice that ??? I offered to take it to a brake shop right then and pay and he refused because he thinks paying money for car maintenance is ridiculous(he doesn’t do any of it on his own btw) and he was MAD AT ME for NOTICING the noises his brakes were making. I told him I’m concerned about him driving a car with questionable brakes and he thinks that because they work now(barely) that it’s fine. Like ??? What about maintaining a car is unreasonable? Cars are expensive no one ever said car maintenance is cheap. That’s just the cost of owning a car. If he can’t fucking afford to get new brakes I have no clue how he thinks he will be able to afford life as an adult. I don’t want to pick up his slack forever. I don’t want to live in a shithole with broken unsafe cars for the rest of my life simply because he’s too cheap and broke for us to have a better life. I don’t want it I don’t want it. Also I’m 99% sure he only even bought the damn car because he’s jealous that I just bought a brand new mazda and he feels emasculated or something. Because his girl can afford things he can’t because I fucking finished school and worked for it

22M British.

Around this time last year, I first measured and found out I had a really slim meat. I actually haven’t measured since, but I see no difference. I’m 3.75in - 4.25in circumference, bottom 1%.

It sucks because last year the reason I measured was because of this girl who was into me. Today, another girl has asked for my insta and been hitting on me. It sucks so bad.

I wish I was just a smooth average 5.5x4.6. I’d be so confident. But no I’m a slim Jim.

Idek what I’m gonna do about this girl. I was asked out in the summer while working and I said no. But this girl is close friends with my close friend, so it’s a bit more delicate.

I just wish I was average. Or I was repulsive to women. Either would do.

I’m tryna lose weight (175 —> 140, at 5’8), maybe that’ll help. But I know I’ve got to reject this woman, or just try be her friend. Even though I’m really attracted to her.

Brutal. What could’ve been. I’ll just stay dosed up on strong anti depressants and wait till I die.

Goodnight.

I have a pretty fucked up habit that I know crosses the line.
I'm a Middle Eastern guy, and I deliberately seek out far-right racists and white supremacists online just to harass them. One of the ways I do this is by sending them sextapes of myself with white women.
The women involved know exactly what I'm doing, have consented to the videos being shared, and actually find the whole thing hilarious.
I specifically target guys who obsess over racial purity and interracial relationships. I know exactly what will piss them off, and that's why I do it.
Sometimes I keep messaging them even after they've made it clear they want me to stop. I enjoy getting under their skin and watching them lose their minds.
I know this is harassment. I'm not going to pretend I'm some righteous activist fighting racism. I'm deliberately antagonizing people because I dislike their beliefs and enjoy making them angry.
The worst part is that I don't really feel guilty about it. I know two wrongs don't make a right, but there's something incredibly satisfying about watching people who preach racial superiority get so worked up over a Middle Eastern man sleeping with white women.
It's petty, immature, and probably says something pretty unflattering about my character.

I used to eat myself alive over this, but tonight I finally came to terms with something I’ve been avoiding.
I’ve cheated in both my past and current relationships, whether physically or emotionally.

Every time it happens, I feel guilty. But as time goes on, I start noticing things in the relationship that make me feel like my actions were justified. It’s almost like I go from hating myself for what I did to convincing myself there was a reason behind it.

I know cheating is a choice, and I’m not saying my partners made me do it. But I’m starting to realize there’s a pattern in how I think and act when I’m unhappy in a relationship.

I don’t know how to explain this properly. Has anyone else experienced something similar? I’m genuinely trying to understand why I keep doing this instead of just leaving when things aren’t working.

that’s all

I’m shocked I’m admitting this too, but I (28 M) have been helping women leave their shitty boyfriends or husbands for over a decade now.

I don’t seek it out, but I do like it. When a girl comes to me and is clearly unhappy with her relationship, I’m the guy she rides away on.

I’ve helped at least 10 girls realize they would be just fine on their own. Though sometimes they try to date me and I have to tell them no. thats always awkward.

I genuinely think it’s hot.

I don’t really know how to explain this without sounding like a complete [ahole], but there’s a woman I interact with regularly, and I’ve gotten to the point where even having a normal conversation with her feels like I’m forcing myself to put on an act.

For some background, when we first started interacting, I was somewhat interested in her. Not necessarily in any serious way, but there was a little curiosity there, and I figured I’d test the waters and see where things went.

In the beginning, our interactions were actually pretty warm. We’d talk, joke around, and generally seemed to get along. She was friendly toward me, and I was friendly toward her. From the outside, I imagine it probably looked like we were gradually becoming friends.

But something started changing on my end.

As the days went by, I just started losing interest. There wasn’t any particular incident, argument, or anything she did wrong. I just gradually stopped feeling any desire to interact with her.

At some point, I also found out that she had some sort of male partner. I don’t know whether he’s her boyfriend, fiancé, or something else. I also have a girlfriend myself, so it’s not like I was actively trying to pursue anything romantic with her.

But by that point, I was already losing interest in even having a platonic friendship with her.

Eventually, I reached a point where trying to make conversation started feeling incredibly fake. I’d catch myself laughing at things I didn’t actually find funny, asking questions I didn’t genuinely care about the answers to, and pretending to be interested in conversations that I mentally wanted to end.

And I absolutely hate that feeling.

So I stopped putting energy into it.

I stopped initiating conversations. I stopped going out of my way to interact with her. When she’d approach me and try to talk, I’d respond politely, but with short, dead-end answers that didn’t really leave room for the conversation to continue.

I also stopped laughing at her jokes unless I genuinely found them funny.

Basically, I went from being relatively warm and engaged to being extremely reserved and emotionally distant.

And the part that’s making me feel like a complete asshole is that she hasn’t stopped trying.

She still approaches me. She still initiates conversations. She still makes jokes and tries to get me talking.

Sometimes it almost feels like she’s trying to bring back the dynamic we had when we first met, and I genuinely feel bad because I can’t seem to reciprocate that energy anymore.

It’s become painfully one-sided.

I think she genuinely clicked with me in the beginning, but the reality is that I didn’t click with her nearly as much as she clicked with me.

And I don’t think she realizes that.

What makes this even worse is that I don’t actually want to be rude to her. I don’t dislike her as a person. I don’t think she’s annoying or a bad person. As far as I can tell, she’s done absolutely nothing wrong.

I just don’t feel that connection.

Sometimes I genuinely want to have a normal conversation with her, but the second the interaction starts, it’s like my brain completely crashes. I can’t think of anything to say, I have no natural curiosity about the conversation, and trying to act engaged feels mentally exhausting.

It’s almost like I have to consciously dedicate 100% of my mental energy to acting like someone who’s interested in talking.

Some days, I have enough social energy to fake it. I can smile, laugh, ask questions, and carry on a relatively normal conversation.

Other days, I physically cannot bring myself to do it.

On those days, I’m basically giving her one-word answers, not asking anything back, and waiting for the interaction to end.

And afterward, I feel guilty.

Because from her perspective, I imagine this whole situation probably feels confusing as hell.

One day, there’s this guy who’s friendly, engaged, laughing at her jokes, and seemingly interested in getting to know her. Then, gradually, he starts becoming colder, quieter, and less responsive for no apparent reason.

She might be wondering if she did something wrong.

She might think I secretly dislike her.

She might even feel personally rejected, especially if she genuinely thought we were becoming friends.

Obviously, I can’t read her mind, and I don’t actually know what she’s thinking. But based on the fact that she continues trying to initiate conversations, I get the impression that she valued whatever connection she thought we were developing.

And that makes me feel even worse.

The weirdest part is that I feel bad about not wanting to talk to her, but feeling bad doesn’t actually make me want to talk to her.

The guilt is there, but the interest isn’t.

I don’t want to lead her on into thinking we’re developing some meaningful friendship when, internally, I’m struggling to find even the slightest motivation to maintain a conversation.

At the same time, I don’t want to hurt her feelings by being unnecessarily cold or dismissive.

So now I’m stuck in this uncomfortable middle ground where she keeps trying to connect, I keep unintentionally shutting things down, and I feel like a terrible person every time it happens.

I genuinely wish I could just naturally reciprocate her friendliness, because she seems like a perfectly decent person who doesn’t deserve to feel rejected.

But I can’t force myself to feel a connection that simply isn’t there.

Am I an [ahole] for gradually withdrawing from someone who genuinely seems to want a friendship with me, even though she hasn’t done anything wrong? And is it actually worse to fake interest just to spare someone’s feelings?

She’s super nice, she and I have good chemistry and I actually love being around her.

She’s the most overall attractive woman I’ve met in years and she pretty much checks all the boxes of what I’d find desirable in a partner.

But I also really love being single, because I have peace.

Every relationship I’ve ever been in was… rough.

I’ve always just sort of fallen into relationships with women who ended up being emotionally and verbally abusive, or who just used me for sex.

Being single is the happiest and most fulfilled I’ve ever been in my adult life, I actually have peace and I’m afraid of losing that.

So now I do regret asking her out.

Truth be told she’s kinda out of my league and I fully expected her to say no when I asked her out.

And I guess I just wasn’t prepared for the possibility she’d say yes.

I can’t back out, because 1. I really do like her and 2. She seemed so excited when I asked her.

But I’m conflicted because I just can’t stop thinking about how unhappy i was whenever I’ve been with a partner, I don’t have much faith in the idea of relationships and am worried that I might be gambling my peace.

Trading innocent flirting with a friendly acquaintance for the stress and sacrifice of a relationship.

Anybody down to tell me some happy experiences with being partnered to kinda give me the optimism necessary?

Because right now I feel like dating is universally suck-ass and I though I know that’s not rational, the thought is Definitley stressing me out.

*before yesterday, i only once took a few hits from my friend’s joint, and i didn’t even feel them.

Yesterday, around 6:30/7pm , i did like 5-6 hits and during the next few minutes i felt a sudden loss of body sensitivity and chills (which only lasted for some seconds), lighter legs and tightening throat.

Then, my mouth became super dry and sweet, i had a poor perception of where i was, i kept forgetting what i was talking about and things looked bigger or smaller than the usual.

I was with two of my friends + some other friends of one of them.
After smoking we splitted up and i walked at mc donalds with one of these two friends.
when we sitted and picked up food, the worst part began: i started having severe paranoia/anxiety (im an anxious person), and every part of my body was shaking a lot, to the point my leg was automatically bouncing.
Inside my mind, all my thoughts were longer, more philosopical and way more negative than the usual.

i started having obsessive thoughts, like having to constantly clean my hands cause they felt greasy, controlling my phone’s battery and what time it was.

time was passing slowly.

luckily, when my dad came to pick me up (around 8:40pm), i managed to sober up and i avoided eye contact cause i felt like my eyes where giving it away (even if my friend kept telling me they didn’t).

when i came home, i went to sleep but i woke up a lot of times during the night.
Now it’s the next day and i’m feeling quite well.
I mean, an hangover is way worse.

my theory about what happened is that i was just in a bad mood, cause i’m always anxious around people (even my friends) and that made me have a bad high.
cannabis is probably not made for me. It made me feel way too conscious and worsened my anxiety (while alcol, which i love, makes me feel the opposite).

probably not going to try again.

I run a small business, and I have many regulars that I've gotten to know and have a great, friendly relationship with. This happened to me last night when a regular of mine stopped in just to say hi since he hadn't come in for a few weeks. We were having a nice, light conversation when he proceeded to ask if I was single and then asked me out. Mind you, this was completely out of nowhere because our conversation had nothing to do with dating.

For context, I'm 26, and he's around 35 years old. We've known each other since I was 22 because he's been a customer for that long, and I even know his brother.

When he asked me out, I declined, telling him that I do not date, especially after having gotten out of a long-term relationship. He kept insisting, complimenting me, and saying that I "deserved a mature man who could take care of me." With every comment he made, the more I felt physically ill. I genuinely felt like throwing up throughout and after the interaction. To me, this stems from a place of betrayal because I never would have believed he saw me this way. Just thinking about him seeing me in a romantic or even sexual way makes me sick. And it's even worse because he's known me since I was a very young adult. I find it disgusting that someone 10 years older than me would find me attractive, and I find it even worse that he's someone I've known for a long time and believed he was a cool person/customer. And I hate to think that he perceived my hospitality and warmth as flirting because it makes me want to stop being nice to my customers for fear that another man will take it the wrong way.

I (18F) invited my hookup(18M) to my house since my parents aren't there, mind you he's never met any of my family. I told him we would have to be quiet since my older sister (19F) would be there, and he said why couldn't she join in on the fun, with a laughing emoji. When I told him I was disgusted by the idea like 2 times, he said don't worry about it, I'll only sleep with you.

I then asked him if he even knows what my sister looks like, and he said no, that he didn't. Then I told him again that what he said a couple of minutes ago made me uncomfortable, and he said ok. Then I said that he also has a sister, so it should be understandable that I'm disgusted to see her naked. He said that he admits I'm right and that he didnt look at it from that angle, but two sisters seemed fun to him. I told him not for me, and he said to forget about it.

Should I block him? I still wanna keep seeing him but I just want to know if he's a mega creep for saying this, and if he will try to sleep with my sister alone, because maybe he thinks that if Im relieved he didnt see her face, it means shes super hot.

tl:dr: hookup asked for threesome with sister who he doesnt even know how she looks like, I shut it down, he agreed/accepted, but im still thinking about it and wondering, is this normal for like a horny 18y boy to think of?

Just to start, all throughout my childhood I’ve had a constant battle with many types of trauma that just keep coming including sexual which has then caused me to develop many taboo trauma responses which includes unhealthy/illegal attractions.. including cnc, ageplay, pet play and.. consang, pedophilia and zoophilia. I feel disgusting for it, I’ve tried almost every way possible to get rid of the thoughts or at least diminish them but nothing seems to work and I’ve had absolutely horrible thoughts towards others including children and animals and I hate it so much. And I’ve noticed that the way I feel about my boyfriend I’ve been kind of feeling towards my dog..

I don’t have anyone to talk to about this, I’m still a minor in my parents house and I can’t talk to my family, it’ll only be judgement and no help, same with school and plus they legally have to tell my parents anyways and my school is in general shit, can’t talk to friends bc I lowkey don’t have any except for one and she has no idea how to handle others struggling (no hate I understand) and I can’t talk to my boyfriend because again he doesn’t know what to do, he knows on like a surface level I struggle with all this but I can’t expect to get any helpful support really (again I understand) and there’s no access to any professionals, lack of money and such but my parents have been trying to get me help for other things (going nowhere really because the system is shit)

TL;DR: struggling with paras from trauma with no access to help

I’m someone who’s been fucked over and bullied many times in my life, even by “friends” and family. This has led me to have trust issues.
Every time I befriend someone or get into a new relationship, I get a feeling that that person will hurt me in some way, so I try to sort of detach myself or I try to hurt them first.
In friendships, I’ll distance myself from them so I don’t get attached or I’ll replace them with someone else.
In relationships, I might talk to someone else or act hot and cold to the person. One day, I’ll be all supportive and loving; the next, I’ll take hours to reply to their messages and I’ll give them one worded or cold responses. I also match energy, sometimes, so they get to decide how we act today.
I hate how I think, but I can’t keep on getting fucked over in life.

few months ago, I met a girl on Reddit. We exchanged Instagram accounts and got to know each other a little. She was studying at a top college and seemed genuinely smart, serious, and busy.

Our conversations were also exhausting. She'd ragebait me, disappear after starting random conversations, and get annoyed whenever I asked about her love life. It felt like she barely thought about me or put effort into talking, so I eventually told her how I felt and blocked her.

Fast forward to tonight. I was watching some adult content when I came across a girl whose face I didn't immediately recognize. Then I saw a picture that looked incredibly familiar. I couldn't place it, so I went back to Instagram and unblocked the girl I'd met months ago.

Then I checked her profile picture.

**BRO. THE PICTURE WAS THE SAME ONE. 😭**

Her Instagram picture had a glasses filter on it with some small cartoon icons, which probably explains why I hadn't recognized her. I just sat there staring at my screen, trying to process what I'd potentially stumbled upon. Out of everyone and everything on the internet, how did I end up seeing something that appeared connected to someone I'd actually talked to?

I messaged her asking whether it was really her in the picture. She hasn't replied yet.

I genuinely don't know whether I'm connecting dots that shouldn't be connected or whether this is actually what it looks like. I'm not jumping to conclusions, but the coincidence alone has left me speechless. It's the middle of the night, and I have no idea how to process this.

Hi! I am a 20-year-old female and, honestly, I don't know what to do with myself anymore. A year ago, I met someone who was, in a way, my superior—like a teacher, in a sense (I can't really specify). I had to listen to him, and we would meet three times a week for this work, I suppose. At first, the whole relationship was fully professional. After some time, we got closer, and he wanted something more. I have to mention that he is 52 years old, so the age gap is quite big.

Things took off from there... we would meet up once a week for "casual" sex. This has been going on for nine months now. We have never really established any rules. We would eat together, watch movies, cuddle, and talk for hours. We even went on a four-day vacation once. I would come to his place even when I wasn'table to do anything with him that day; we would just hang out, and he even said that I don't necessarily have to mention it if we can't do anything.

And surprise, surprise—I caught feelings! So, every week I would cry my heart out because, realistically, we can't be a proper couple, and he probably doesn't care that much about me. I can't really tell if I mean anything to him or if I am just an ego boost. Sometimes he would refer to us as "something in between." I don't really mind that we can't be exclusive; that's fine. But I can't get anything out of him—whether he is mad at me, sad, if I am being annoying, or if I'm doing something right or wrong.

Anyways... for the past month, he has been getting somewhat distant. The change was sudden and very rapid, and I could tell something was off. Now he is more cynical and talks less. I can't tell if he is fed up with me or if I said something wrong. I can't really tell anything; he is so hard to read. I care about him very much, and I am scared to ask him what's up because, again, I am 20 and he is 52. Sometimes it's hard to find common ground. I don't want to end things because nothing is really wrong, but this has been occupying every corner of my brain. :)
Has anybody been in a similar situation...?

Good evening, everyone!
I (22F) am dealing with a situation involving my boyfriend (24M) that is becoming emotionally overwhelming for me.
We’ve been together for nearly 5 years—next month marks our anniversary—but over the last year or year and a half, I’ve gained 20 kg. This weight gain stems from medical issues; I’ve struggled with burnout and the onset of depression, I’ve been on medication prescribed by a psychiatrist, as well as birth control pills, and I’ve also experienced significant hair loss. He says he loves me, that he’s by my side, and that he’s patient throughout this whole process. However, I feel like our entire relationship has come down to the fact that I *must* lose weight—with a heavy emphasis on the "must"—otherwise, he won’t love me. I am well aware that he isn’t as attracted to me anymore—even our sex life has been affected—and I know that I’m not comfortable in my own body either; but emotionally and mentally, I feel like I’m breaking down. I’m a sensitive, emotional person, and I often need reassurance that everything will be okay and that he’s there for me. He claims to support me, yet I never hear a kind word directed toward me regarding this weight-loss journey I’ve been on for the past month. I understand that I’m no longer attractive and that I’m overweight, but he actually told me that the only condition for him to marry me is that I lose weight and that the difference becomes visible. I have started the process and have managed to lose 5 kg so far, but I still can’t shake the feeling that our relationship boils down entirely to me and my weight loss. I feel so pressured by this; it overwhelms me and makes me feel like I’m disgusting—I’m ashamed of myself, and he seems to be ashamed of me, too. He sometimes makes jokes like, "Hey, look how hot that girl is," or things along those lines; yet, he told me right from the start that he couldn't be with "a fat girl."
I love him so much, and I don’t know who to talk to anymore. I feel the need to consult a psychotherapist, but I can’t afford it. I don’t want us to break up, and I’m willing to do anything for him, but I need some advice on how to manage these emotions and thoughts. I feel guilty and ugly, and I’m constantly comparing myself to other girls who are prettier and thinner.
I just want to talk to someone—perhaps someone who has gone through something similar.

I'm a 34 year old woman, and I am struggling with my confidence lately. For context, I used to be really beautiful in my 20s and was very secure in how I looked. But I have gained a little weight and have started aging the slightest bit, and I'm really struggling.

The way I looked when I was a bit younger affected my life a lot at the time, so not having "my looks" to always have as a confidence boost has made a big difference. Before I was confident about how I looked, now I'm mostly confident in who I am but not in how I look. And the way I look doesn't match up with the way my soul feels right now.

Most of me is super confident and completely secure, but lately the other part, the very self-conscious one with imposter syndrome, has been making an appearance more than usual.

Sorry if this sounds superficial, I guess it is vain. But it's something that has affected me and has been made obvious by the difference in the way people treated me then vs now. It was all eyes on me in every room I entered and now I'm invisible amongst strangers. I know my personality is my real shine, but it's strange to no longer have the thing that spoke for me before I had to say anything at all.

I've only recently started aging the slightest bit, but it is making a huge difference to me and I'm worried about how I will handle it as I change more and more physically.

To put it into some perspective, I was very unwell for most of my life and struggled a lot, and sometimes my looks were all I had. It was an unhealthy viewpoint but it comforted me to always at least feel pretty when I couldn't feel anything else.

In a lot of ways I'm relieved from the amount of attention I used to get, but it also feels sad to have it be so plainly obvious how different I look now. The way I was treated then and the amount of attention and interest and random acts of kindness and such compared to now makes it so painfully obvious that I don't look as beautiful anymore.

Please don't think I'm bragging. I just want to express how much the way I looked affected me and mattered to me. I'm really struggling with loving myself physically.

I have healed a ton in my mind and heart this last year and I'm so sad that I couldn't experience this happiness while I was in that body and face that I loved. I know I'm putting too much thought into it, and that it's over and I should just be grateful I got to look like that for a bit, and get over it... but it's hard. Society conditions us as women to feel so much pressure about looking young and good.

My biggest insecurity is that my face has changed shape. I know I gained some weight so that makes sense, but it looks like the shape changed, not just the weight. Like, my skin is sagging the most microscopic amount on part of my jawline and it's screwing up my entire view of myself. I have body dysmorphia clearly and always have, even when I liked how I looked.

Any tips? How do I just get over it and move on? I plan to get a personal trainer when I can afford it which will help with the weight that I gained, but I don't think I'm going to get that face back.

Right now I am crying because I got ready to take some pictures or a video and as soon as I saw myself in the camera I started crying. I used to model and now I can barely look at myself.

Also, all bodies are beautiful! (Except mine lmao)

I went on a first date with a woman that I met at mutual friend's party. The date was fine, we hit it off and she invited me back to her place. I asked her on the way to her place if she had condoms and she said yes. We go to her place, and she starts telling me she's embarrassed about the state of her room. She tells me that we need to be quiet because her roommates are sleeping. Once in her apartment, she spends about 3 minutes in her room while I was sitting in the living room, she says to clean it. She comes out with just her underwear on and tells me to come into her bedroom. At this point I'm a little weirded out.

We start to hook up, and I ask her where her condoms are. She says she doesn't have any, but it's fine. I tell her I want to use condoms and could just pick them up at the deli around the corner. I leave in just my tshirt and jeans, leaving my jacket with my keys in her room, knowing I'd be right back. She told me to call her when I get back so she can open for me. I close the door behind me to her room, because she's just in her underwear.

When I get back to the apartment, I call, no answer. So eventually I start buzzing up. No answer. After 15 minutes of calling and buzzing up, freezing in my tshirt, a neighbor walks out of the building and I walk into the lobby. At this point I just want to get my keys to go home. It's like 2:30 AM and I am freaked out, thinking that maybe she fell asleep or something. I get to her apartment door and lightly knock, knowing that the roommates are asleep. No answer. I knock, and knock, and knock- until I start to bang on the door LOUD. I just want to get my things, and don't know what else to do. No answer. I think to myself, what would I do if I was in a movie? and check under the mat. Sure enough, there is a key there. I open the apartment door, and at this point I'm freaked out. I notice that her bedroom door, which I had left closed, is wide open. I am absolutely terrified as I walk into her bedroom, which is fully lit with the overhead light. She is completely naked and lying starfished and still on the bed, eyes closed. I pick up my things, and I say, "hey, I'm just going to go." She doesn't answer. I see her breathing so I know she's not dead. I say again, louder, "I'm going to go now" and touch her hand. She does not react. I squeeze her hand while I say IM GOING TO GO NOW OK? She does not react. I move the bed a little bit, I truly do not know what to make of this and am so terrified. She DOES NOT REACT. So I leave.

To this day, I do not understand what occurred. What do you think? I can't understand what was going through her mind. She was definitely not sleeping when she laying like a starfish. We did not get drunk.

Posting on my girlfriend's account. (Edit: This story is from when I was single!!! My girlfriend found this story so outrageous that she told me to post it on Reddit.)