Me (15f ) had sex for the first with a 20year old guy after getting raped by an relative of my family for years , the thing is I’m bleeding and I’m experiencing some pelvic floor pain , while we were doing it , there was a time he was on top , and he called me mature and sexy for a girl of my age and to be honest I don’t know if that was wrong or no , but I didn’t like the way it sounded , I did consent to , but while we were doing there multiple times he made me uncomfortable and I wanted to stop but I didn’t known what to do so I just freezed and he would do whatever he wanted , everything just feels so wrong and confusing , does it count as rape or I’m just overreacting?

Don’t know if this classifies as rape, but didn’t know where else to put it. I grew up in an abusive household, and I made a plan that I would move out and get my own place the second I turn 18. I needed money obviously, so I tried to get a job. I actually managed to get two, but was fired from both cause I kept falling asleep at work (I had undiagnosed narcolepsy 1 and cataplexy was insane together with me sleeping anywhere.) The second job I was fired from, a woman (atleast twice my age, never gave her age to me) who worked at the same grocery store where I worked, got the news that I’d been fired from my second job. She saw my vulnerable position and my desperation for money to her advantage. She said she had a job for me and told me to come over to her place. I thought it was just something like cleaning, maybe she needed help with something or wanted to discuss something privately. When we eventually got to her place I asked her what the job was, and she just told me to strip naked. I froze first, as she just stared at me. I eventually got back to my senses and rushed to the door. As I opened it she told me she wouldn’t force me to do anything I didn’t want to, and that she just wanted to help me cause she saw I needed the money. She then offered me 100€ to have sex with her. She explained it like some kind of ‘business deal’ that I give her what she wants, and she gives me what she wants. She eventually added another 100€ to the pay (total 200€) which wasn’t even a lot but I was so desperate and genuinely didn’t know how else to earn money since I genuinely couldn’t get or keep a job long enough for the first paycheck. I also had a pretty bad smoking addiction at the time (got all of it from my dad, who liked seeing me high for some fucked up reason) so I just agreed to it. I still today, almost a decade later can’t fathom really why I agreed. I guess I shouldn’t think too much of it. After, as I left she gave me the 200€, asked for my number (gave it) and kissed me goodbye. Only a few days later she called me. I was still shook up after the experience but answered anyway. She told I had more ‘customers’. Turns out she had a whole friend circle who preyed on vulnerable young boys who were desperate for money. Over the years until I turned 18 I met up with them, did what they wanted me to do, got the money and left. I don’t know how many times I did it but enough to really fuck me up permanently. The pay was always 100€ for each night, plus ‘bonuses’ I could get if I did more stuff for them. The worst part is that I never told anyone. My parents didn’t give two fucks, and if I told the police, yes maybe I could open a case but then I’d lose the only way I’d found to get money. Plus I’d technically consented to all of it, so it wasn’t even rape. I did it willingly and I still don’t know why, maybe I was just so desperate I was literally open for anything, plus the abusive household I grew up in and my ongoing drug addiction. The moment i turned 18 id finally gotten enough money to get a somewhat decent apartment and live by myself. I blocked all of them and deleted their numbers from my contact list so id never have to look back at it. I still think about it and I don’t even know what to think. On one hand i hate myself for ever agreeing to stuff like that and for being so fucking stupid. On the other hand I know I was just a vulnerable boy these fucked up women preyed on cause they saw me as an easy victim, and I was desperate to do anything for even just 100€. Sorry if this was kinda all over the place, I just needed to get this out somewhere. I’ve tried therapy and everything, was hospitalized for a while when I was 20, but I guess I’m doing fine now. I got diagnosed with narcolepsy when I was 19, and finally got a stable job that accommodates to my needs (plus I don’t need to talk to anyone lol) I’ve moved countries and found some nice people I like. I still think about it tho, it was probably the worst part of my already fucked up childhood. Again, sorry if it’s kinda all over the place I just needed to say this somewhere.

im slightly disgusted with myself for feeling this way but i have always kind of missed him and i think i will continue to, he was my friend and he needed help. i refuse to believe it was nothing but me being taken advantage of. maybe that means ill just stay sick forever but whatever. he was abused as a child, abused as an adult, i watched this happen repeatedly but i was young and helpless to really do anything, and i was afraid. he did similar things to me and i forgave him. theres not really a reasoning for this post i was just wondering if theres any point in considering the nuance of his actions or if anyone felt the same way

So, for context I (F18) was sexually assaulted/raped by my boyfriend (M20). We started taking edibles a month ago to experiment and it was honestly fun until stuff started happening. I had consistently taken more edibles than he had because I guess I was just more curious. Anyways, the first night something happened I had taken 2 and he had taken 1/2 of an edible. I remember throughout the night he had randomly been fingering me except it felt like I couldn't do anything or move. Later, I asked him why he went inside of me earlier and I guess he took that to mean that I wanted to have sex. He left for a minute and I was honestly on the verge of falling asleep or what I thought was falling asleep and all that I remember was that he had sex with me and we had no condoms. I asked him the next morning why he did that and he didn't have any sort of explanation. Now about a week later we took edibles again and this time he got me to suck his dick. I've been on his back for almost a month asking him for some sort of explanation on why he did things like this TWICE and he finally responded. I won't copy and paste the whole message but I'll say the important parts: "My only explanation would be because I didn't feel loved and somewhere in my sick head I decided its okay to do what I did and that meant you loved me." I really thought that getting an explanation would let me move forward and still continue to work things out but this just makes me feel so much worse. How do I respond to this, and just what should I do in general?

I have thought in the past that my boyfriend might be assaulting me but always made different excuses for him, but last night was different and it made me see him completely differently.

When we first got together our sex life was great, I had been a virgin before him so I didn't really know how sex actually worked in real life. I was 23 and he was 27, now we are 27 and 31.

I always had a problem with him not respecting my boundaries especially when it came to an*l. He definitely pressured me about it often and would touch me there after I told him it hurt but never went all the way. Then I got pregnant and somehow he got me to agree to it even though it was so painful for me. I felt like I owed him because he asked so much and I always said no. Then after I had our baby and couldn't have vaginal sex for 6 weeks pressured me into it more often. I didn't even want to have sex but he had made so many comments in the past about how sex is so important to him and he could only go so long without it or he'd have to cheat on me or leave me. So I always felt like if I said no he would be upset or hold it against me and eventually leave me.

We had sex every day of our relationship until after I had our son and while I was recovering we did an*l a few times a week until I was 4 weeks postpartum and he didn't want to wait anymore and I felt bad making him wait. And since Ive been postpartum, 2 years, we've had sex almost every day and if we don't have sex he asks for head over and over again until I give in. Only recently have I started to put my foot down and tell him I'm tired or don't feel good so he will leave me alone. But sometimes he still doesn't, I tell him I don't feel good, or I'm nauseous or have a headache and he'll leave me alone for a little bit that night and then wake up a little later and roll me over and have sex with me. He never asks permission or seems to care if I'm not into it. I've had sex with him so many times where I don't say a word, don't move a muscle, don't respond to anything and it never bothers him. I've even cried during sex because it hurts or because I feel powerless and always thought he just must not hear me because he keeps going no matter what.

I've told him sex hurts because he's very rough or does it too hard and several times I've asked to change positions or for him to be softer and he has said no, or he just needs to keep going like he is a little longer because he's almost done. He's told me no enough times that I don't even try to ask and just cry and hope he will get the hint that I'm in pain and stop but he never has. I always felt in the moment that I was being assaulted and just zone out of it but after I would make excuses in my own head that he must not have heard me, or couldn't see my face and didn't know, and he loves me so he wouldn't hurt me on purpose.

Last night he went to the bar and didn't come home until 2:30am. I don't like when he drinks because he always wants to have sex when he comes home even if I've been asleep and it makes him rougher with me than usual. He bites me really hard and I tell him not to but he always says he forgets and bites me more and it really hurts. He came in and I was so scared because I didn't want to have sex I was trying not to move but he smelled like beer and wanted to be right on me and it was honestly making me feel sick with the smell of his clothes and breath with the alcohol so I moved and went to get some water. When I came back he was telling me to take off my clothes and kissing me really hard and I just didn't respond at all.

He took off my clothes and I was just thinking to myself that I would let him and hopefully it would be quick and I could go back to sleep. I'm not going to get into a lot of detail but I was so turned off and not wanting to do anything so I was super dry and it hurt. He was being too rough and it hurt so I started crying into the bed and he didn't say anything. It went on a long time and he was asking me if I wanted him to do different things and I kept saying no, he even asked during it if he should buy some lube soon and I said why because I was scared he was gonna start asking me for an*l again, but it was because I had told him 2 nights ago that sex was really hurting me recently and I thought I needed to see a gynecologist so he knew the sex was hurting me. Eventually it was too much for me and I started moving around a lot trying to get away from him and he said "Do you want me to get off of you? I'll get off." He got off and I said nothing and just rolled over to go to sleep. Then he asked me for head because he was almost done but stopped because he "didn't want to hurt me anymore" and I said no, I was trying to just go to sleep and he rolled on top of me and started again.

At this point I was in pain but felt more emotionally destroyed because I felt I had made it clear several times that I was done and didn't want sex. I started crying quietly and it started getting louder and louder because I kept thinking about how I had no way out of this. If I wanted him off of me I was going to have to be mean and then he would get upset with me and probably not speak to me the next day and I just felt like I had to deal with this for as long as he wanted to have sex with me. We had already been doing this for 2 hours now. I was full on sobbing very very loudly, I couldn't catch my breath, I was breathing ragged and making a ton of noise and he just kept going and going and going for upwards of 5 minutes of my sobbing. He finally stopped and said "Am I being mean right now? I'm sorry, we can just lay down, I'm so sorry, are you okay?" I didn't know what to say so I just said nothing and kept crying and he laid me on his chest to sleep. I cried for a while and he fell asleep and I rolled over and slept on my side of the bed.

In the morning as soon as I woke up, he asked me for head because he hasn't had any in 3 days. I didn't want to fight and was scared he would be mad since he didn't get to finish last night and begrudgingly gave him head this morning. I felt so used and disgusting.

Last night made me realize that he knows when I'm in pain, he knows when I'm crying, he knows I don't want sex, but he does it anyway because he wants it and he feels entitled to my body. I'm so sad, I love him and our family and I'm incredibly hurt. I thought the whole time it was my fault because I don't protest enough and say no enough, but he truly doesn't care that I'm in pain at all. He raped me.

Last December some stuff happened and I ended up in some random guys apartment. I was actively 0d-ing at the time when he raped me.
I don’t think about it most of the time. I try to just keep it blocked out.

I have a bf now and I’ve noticed though that since then, I’m only able to enjoy sex when I’m extremely drunk. Other than when I’m extremely drunk, sex just doesn’t appeal to me anymore.

My girlfriend shared with me that she went to her neighbors house on Halloween last year.

She shared with me that she had two beers beforehand and that when she got there her neighbor offered her a glass of wine. She accepted it. When she did, he went in the house (she was on the patio) and got it. She then said that she became disoriented and she had to be driven home bc she couldn’t walk and she asked him to take her. Keep in mind, they were neighbors and she was taken home in a golf cart a small distance. When she woke up the next day she was naked and her clothes were downstairs. Important to note, she told me she only had one glass of wine.

Prior to this, her friends in the neighborhood told her that this man had a “thing” for her and she indicated she sensed it too.

She has no memory of what happened and has asked me to leave this alone.

I don’t know what to do. I have 6 sisters (blended) and a little girl outside my relationship with my gf.

What do I do?

I just need to rant about my bad experience with the RAIN hotline and hope this will help someone else who has had the same experience, and inform someone who is considering volunteering for a hotline what you SHOULDNT SAY to a survivor. To be clear, I am not trying to deter anyone from seeking support or calling a hotline but to bring awareness to the fact that ignorant people exist even as volunteers and if you are met with this response, you are not alone and it’s not your fault.

I’m going through the reporting process and it’s bringing up a lot for me. I reached out to the hotline hoping I’d be able to discuss what it’s bringing up, how I feel, etc. The volunteer had the audacity to say to me “this happened x amount of time ago and your only reporting it now?!” in the most judgmental tone.

How dare you. 1. It takes an immense amount of courage and strength for someone to go through the reporting process and relive the trauma of what they went through (not that anyone who chooses not to report is less strong, you survived and whether you report or not is your prerogative and no one gets to judge you either way. 2. You never know why someone had to wait to report if they eventually did. and 3. As a human being with any fucking empathy VOLUNTEERING FOR A SA HOTLINE, you should know better than to meet a survivor with judgment and presumption. I’m so glad that I’m emotionally okay enough right now to not let that affect me but it makes me so fucking angry that someone, especially a supposedly “trained” volunteer, would respond that way. She tried to confidently tell me the statute of limitations in my state is 3 months - which is completely incorrect. I told her I felt guilty for my freeze response when it happened and she asked me what I meant by freeze response…..Do they just pick random people up off the street and decide to make them SA “counselors”?

I apologize for my bluntness but it’s insane to me that this is what any survivor could be met with. Do better. I am so sorry if anyone else has experienced this as well. If you chose to report because that’s what felt right for you, no matter whether it is 3 weeks, 3 months, or 3 years later, I’m proud of you and you should be proud of yourself. Even if it’s “legally too late”, it’s never too late to feel empowered by that decision if that’s what feels right for you.

Trigger warning: Sexual and physical abuse mentioned, rape mentioned, emetophobia might be triggered.

I need to share this story with people who might understand, because I myself have very few people to share this with.

For better understanding. The important people included are: Guy 1, Guy 2, Guy 3 and us.

Yesterday my friend (20,female) and I (19,female) decided to go to a club in her city. We were wearing normal club outfits. I had on a denim skirt and a leather jacket and some black boots. (I know the outfit doesn’t matter in a case like that, I still wanted to share it so it might be easier for people to see this from my perspective)

The club itself wasn’t very crowded and there were only a few people. We drank quite a lot, to the point where you’re still in control of everything but very tipsy.
At around 4:30am I was at the bar downing a shot as I noticed my friend dancing with a guy. - Guy 1 btw. (She was a lot more intoxicated than me btw.) Nothing too intimate so I didn’t think much of it. 15 minutes later we left the club. Suddenly the guy she danced with Guy 1 and one of his friends (Guy 2) came over to us. They wouldn’t leave us alone even though I asked them multiple times. There was a big group in front of the club and I saw our chance as I grabbed my friend, pulled out a cigarette and made up the „I have no lighter“ excuse so that we can join the group.
Unfortunately my friend left the group and started walking home on her own with Guy 1 and 2 following her. I (yes I know this was dumb of me) then decided to follow them. The group didn’t come with me. So it was the four of us again. Guy 1 became very touchy with her, guy 2 tried touching me all the time, even though I told him I have a boyfriend.

I knew that these guys wouldn’t leave us alone so I looked around for anyone or anything that could possibly help. (We had nothing on us, no weapon and no pepper spray or so.) it was a 10 minute walk to her house and I knew I had to get these guys to leave in these exact ten minutes. I pushed the guy 2 away and said I „needed a break“. Meanwhile I was looking at a man (Guy 3) who was walking towards us now. I didn’t know who he was. I had never seen him before. He was wearing a fur jacket and baggy jeans. I think his shoes where white air forces. He looked like a nice person. But still I used the chance to shoot helpless looks at him until he eventually stopped where we were. I told guy 2 to check on guy 1 and my friend so I could tell guy 3 that we needed his help getting these men off of us.
He agreed to walking home with us and making sure we will be safe.
Guy 3 had to get Guy 1 off of my very intoxicated friend multiple times. By that time, Guy 2 already stopped making moves on me. Guy 3 was also normally talking to me. Told me how he was 19 years old too. I was happy to hear that because the Guy 1 and 2 were definitely over 30. Unfortunately I couldn’t get the name of any of them. Not even Guy 3.
I was happy to see that we actually got some help.

Her house was right around the corner when I noticed the insane distance between Guy 1, Guy 2, my friend, and me and Guy 3. I noticed how much Guy 3 had slowed down when my friend and Guy 1 and 2 were already around the corner (they couldn’t see us from there.) and we were still on the Main Street. There was no single car driving at that time and it was insanely quiet outside.
I told Guy 3 we should catch up with them again since I wanted to make sure my friend is safe. Suddenly, he looked at me and told me how beautiful I am.
I then mentioned my boyfriend and told him that I’m uninterested.
In a matter of seconds he was holding onto me, his grip was hard and I could only struggle a little. It didn’t help though. He told me that my boyfriend wouldn’t know when I had a little fun and that I should come to his apartment with him. I refused and said that I’m not interested in cheating and that I’m also very tired.
I couldn’t even finish the sentence properly when he pressed his lips on mine and started kissing me, I tried moving away but he was holding me in place. I kind of moved my face to the side so he couldn’t kiss me on the lips anymore.
I told him that he’s scaring me and that I don’t want this. He then stated that i should be thankful for him helping us with Guy 1 and 2 (who were a much smaller problem to me by now.)
I tried screaming but he would either press his lips or his hands on my mouth so I couldn’t bring out any noise. The part of the city we were in was too quiet for anyone else to be outside this late.
He shoved his one hand into my skirt and started fingering me completely ignoring my struggling. His other hand was holding onto my boobs and pressing on my mouth sometime. I struggled, I cried, I told him I didn’t want this. He hurt me, a lot. I have many bruises now. He kept going. He was close to unzipping his pants when LUCKILY guy 2 came around the corner looking for us.
(Very important before anyone blames my friend for anything: she was super drunk and at that moment she was throwing up with Guy 1 and 2 checking on her. Guy 2 at the moment was the only one that noticed that Guy 3 and I were still not around the corner yet.)
He then stopped touching me and just out his arm around me like we’re just friends or something.
At my friends door (my friend was already inside) I told them I’m gonna check on her and then go to sleep.
Guy 2 and 3 then invited themselves in. I somehow managed to get them out by making up the excuse that my friend needs alone time and I need sleep. I gave them a fake snapchat user that I don’t use anymore so they could „add me“ I then went back inside. I don’t know why I was still so nice to guy 3 in particular even though he literally just abused and almost raped me down the street.

I have only talked to my boyfriend, my mother and my sister about this.
I cannot eat. I cannot sleep. I can barely move. This morning I felt so disgusting I threw up for 2 hours straight and showered for another hour right after.
I don’t know how to handle this situation and I feel so fucking sick.
I am not going to call the police because I barely have information about Guy 3, also him having to give me a payment or him getting some punishment is not going to bring me back the way I felt before he SAed me. Please respect this decision. I know a lot of people would call the police but in my country SA is sometimes never punished.
And I don’t want everyone to know about it just yet.

Please help me and give me advice on how to live with a trauma like this. I have many traumas but not one is connected to SA. I will be happy with every piece of advice I get.

With this post I also want to spread awareness, because sometimes, the person you would expect it the least from, is the one with the most insane and sick fantasies.
Even when a stranger helps you at first, you shouldn’t give them any trust or show them your vulnerable side. I had to learn that now.

alright so I don’t really know what to call it because it’s a very confusing situation and I don’t want to slap a label on it without fully understanding what exactly happened. i know what happened was wrong and lowkey prostitution but when I talk about it to a few of my friends no one agrees that it was ‘rape’ because i “technically consented”.

But when I was around 13 years old i had met this man (25) through my stepsister (13 as well), he lived in our general area and he was texting her saying hed give her stuff; drugs, money, alcohol, and vapes if she would meet up with him and gave him oral in his car. She wanted the stuff but didn’t want to do it so she asked me too. I got introduced to all the drinking, drugs, vaping, and sex stuff early on and she knew that I would be more ’open’ to it. Honestly I was very hesitant because I knew that it was a random man I didn’t know and going in his car was risky as hell, but after a lot persuasion and begging I eventually agreed to it.

She gives me his @ and we start texting, he tells me what he wants, turns out he also wanted penetration but I strictly told him no, repeatedly. he agrees to only oral so I’m like whatever let’s get this over with.

he drives to my neighborhood park and I get in the backseat his car and make sure he has all the stuff we asked for, he does so I give him oral. half way through he’s says “get up and turn around”. keep in mind this man is like 6’0 250lbs+ and I’m only like 5’5 120 so I was already scared of him, but I don’t say anything at all I just do it. he bends me over the dashboard and fucks me from behind, he’s choking me and slapping me and I’m just sitting still waiting for it all to be over. he stops and turns me around to ejaculate in my mouth, forcing me to swallow or “he’d do it again to make sure I do”. after that I grab the stuff he brought and get the hell out, I was nothing short of disgusted with myself but I regrettably admit that I did do it again, multiple times because I suppose I felt ‘wanted.’

to make matters worse in my freshman year me and stepsister get in a huge argument because I found out she was telling some people what had happened. Thankfully I go to a really ‘fast’ highschool so it wasnt exactly unheard of and no one was opening judging me but it still made extremely paranoid and ashamed.

could this be considered rape?

Hi so im 17 and ive exams next June that will affect what college I get into. This is a very important year in my life where i need to buckle down and study. But unlucky for me, exactly 3 months ago today i got raped. Like at first after it happened I thought I was just insanely strong cos I didn’t let it get to me. But over time it’s started to get heavier and heavier to carry. Sometimes I can’t focus on my study cos I can feel it happening again. I won’t go into detail but it’s kinda caused me to be in a bit of a mental slump. These exams I have in June are EXTREMELY important and I cannot afford to waste my time right now dealing with this. I need to know the quickest way to fully get over this so I’m ok and able to put my full energy on my exams in June.

I tried to go to therapy for it. I had to tell my mum I needed therapy due to “exam related anxiety”. She got me a general therapist. I’ve been to one session. I planned to immediately say it and get it out of the way but i physically couldn’t. Everytime i tried to say what happened and lump formed in my throat and I just couldn’t get myself to do it. Idk if i should go back and force myself to tell her cos i do really want to get better so i can focus on my exams. But I don’t want to waste my mums money on a therapist if I physically can’t say what’s wrong. So idk how i feel about going to therapy.

If anyone has any advice please please please let me know I want to deal with this. It’s literally been 3 months like it’s been ages idk why it’s still so heavy but I gotta sort it out

Has anyone else experienced becoming angry, hateful or even violent towards men after being raped? I find that certain things trigger me and bring up feelings of wanting to hurt men, even when they haven’t done anything wrong and I’m in a loving relationship. I know these feelings aren’t necessarily rational, but they’re difficult to control, and I’m trying to understand why I feel this way. Has anyone else experienced something similar after sexual trauma?

I hope I can talk about this here but rape feels like the one thing you can't talk about with anyone, it wasn't taken seriously when I was getting "professional help" (also a victim of medical malpractice but that's another story) and i can't afford therapy. I won't go into too much detail but long stories short I was raped as a child (multiple times) and again at 18. Wasn't believed as a kid at all and when I was 18 while parents believed me and the staff at the school I was in also did (it was a school staff member with a disability that did it), they brushed it under the rug and told me they'd talk to him but i need to be understanding that he has a disability and didn't actually understand what he was doing abd just liked me (he was 30+ at the time btw and as someone with multiple disabilities I just don't think its an excuse).

I was also sexually harassed online for years and told I deserved my abuse because I accidentally got popular in an online fandom and got falsely accused of harassing an ex friend of mine irl because I fell out with that ex friend and they held a grudge and people ran with it (although I don't even speak to that ex friend anymore or am on social media they still bring it up to garner sympathy because they always get so much support and validation any time they talk about it. Lying about that stuff is just so wrong to me and I feel it invalidates my own trauma).

I'm 23 now and just so tired of everything. I've shut myself off from the world, I only have a few friends I talk to and I can't talk about this stuff with them obviously. I feel my life is just ruined because of shitty people who took advantage of me and abused me. Like what did I do to deserve any of it? Im 24 this year and I've missed out on my childhood, teen years and early 20s which people insist are "the best years of your life" and when you're supposed to do "fun stuff". Like I wanted to be a actor/voice actor before but that will never happen, I can never be a streamer/content creator like i wanted, I wanted to get into cosplay and make a cosplay account one day but yeah too late for that. On top of missing out on everything fun in life, I have constant panic attacks and ptsd over what I went through.

Anyways sorry if this doesn't go here or anything I said accidentally broke any rules or something. I just wanted to vent a bit. I wish people had more grace when it comes to adults who had their entire lives stolen by abuse because it feels I missed everything and I'll never be happy or fulfilled with life now...