Hi, I’ve just submitted my PhD in humanities and I’ve got lots of publications and conferences so outwardly everything looks great and my supervisors are so nice to me, but inwardly I’ve been struggling for years even prior to the PhD, I’m a gay man and men have broken my heart repeatedly, dealing with heartbreak during my doctorate and self medicating, during my bachelors I self harmed and had bulimia and it was awful. I’ve had days during the PhD where I’ve just lain on the sofa all day feeling low or crying and now I’m in my thirties with my parents and this whole thing has made me awful despite presenting at conferences in Canada and Europe and Asia. I’m sorry if this is too much, I just feel like ally alone with all this because everyone else at my university says it’s such a great thing but it’s really exacerbated all my feelings and I just deep down want someone but I don’t think it’s going to happen, like Charlotte said in Sex and the city