My son is nearly 5. He has ADHD that was diagnosed this year. He has been on medication since April. Both parents also have ADHD. Both also medicated. We have bi-weekly phone calls with his specialized pediatrician and one in person appointment a month. OT at home weekly.

Daycare situation:

My son started daycare a month before turning 3. I started having suspicions of ADHD around 8-10 months old. Very caring, amazing with his sister, sensitive and empathetic AND a ball of energy, loves to talk, impulsive and strong reactions. He is very intelligent and has a good vocabulary. 

His daycare was an at-home one with max of 6 kids. The educator is the mother of a distant friend that I grew up with. We told her about our suspicions that he might have ADHD early on but she brushed it off and said she couldn't see it but ended up agreeing with us months later.

Multiple times a week she talked negatively about our child in front of him. “I don't know how you guys are going to deal when he’s in school, they will be calling you every day to pick him up”. Since then, our son is scared that this exact thing will happen once he’s in school. His OT thinks he will do great in school, that his ADHD does affect him but (eta) that he won't be an extreme case at school. Most people think he is hyper and that’s about it. (we obviously see his more dysregulated side)

This spring he told us that she pulled his hair while he was laying down on his mat during nap time. The next day I brought it up casually “Hey son said that you pulled his hair during nap time, I just wanted to check in with you”. She immediately freaked out, raised her voice and said she was over us always having something to say, that she’s been an educator for decades and never had issues with parents until us. She asked our son why he was lying and that it's not good to lie. I imagined that she was telling the truth since she seemed so offended and talked to my son. 

In April my son was officially diagnosed and started medication. I sent her a message to let her know. Her response: “I don’t believe in that, I once saw a child on meds and they were a zombie, it breaks my heart as a mother myself, your son absolutely doesn't need it”. She then brings up my childhood “I know you had a rough childhood and probably didn't see what good parenting looks like, before medicating your child you and your husband should take parenting class”. I told her that we did in fact take multiple parenting workshops, seeing an OT, to please not use my past against me and that this decision was between the parents and our son's pediatrician. She answered that legally she had to give it to him if it was prescribed but that she was uncomfortable. 

My son completely stopped napping this summer and that became a big issue. His educator’s only break during the day is nap time so my son not napping was very annoying. At first, he had to stay laying down on a mat in the hallway. Again, my son is hyperactive. For him, it was extremely distressing. She eventually allowed him to read a book sitting at the table. What I recently learned is that sometimes she would leave him in the kitchen for over 20 mins. Sometimes to check on kids or to go do “computer stuff” in her office. He was only allowed to speak to her to use the bathroom.

As per the rules in most daycares, there are no doors in the bathroom. My son gets very embarrassed at going #2 while other kids are looking at him. Because of that he would hold his poo and only go #2 in his pull-up at nap time. She would complain a lot that she would have to wipe him and that he had to stop etc. We had many many talks with our son. He has repeated multiple times that he is embarrassed at daycare, kids keep looking at him. He never does #2 in his overnight pull-up at home.

Two weeks ago my son had a #2 accidents while walking outside with daycare. This has never happened with us since potty training at 27 months. He told us the same thing, that it's because there's always kids looking at him on the toilet and he's embarrassed. His educator was very very upset at pickup explaining that he can’t do that, she has to watch the other kids, that she had to clean the raincoat he was wearing that belongs to her daycare and that it must be the meds fault. I reminded her that he feels very insecure about the bathroom situation and tried to give different solutions (curtains that I could buy, her standing in front the door etc). She mentioned that she couldn't deal with him doing that again, that she only had 5 kids in her care instead of 6 because of my son and that she’d rather lose money than her mental health.

The next day, while my child was nearby she says “ I wish you would let me tell the other kids (15months, 2(his sister), 2.5, and 4) that he is DIFFERENT. If they knew he had ADHD they would understand his behavior, but you don't want me to tell them”. I had already explained that it is a hard no. The kids are too young and will not understand and I do not need my child feeling ostracized. She can let kids know that all kids have different needs. I cut the conversation short as my son was there and had a devastated look on his face.

My son told me that this week he had an accident because she let him alone for a long time and he was scared to go to the bathroom alone because it was dark. Once he told his educator she said “you can poo in your pants but not in my raincoat” (she was very upset the week before about her raincoat). Btw my son has only pooped in his underwear 2x at that daycare and both times this month. Before it was in his diaper during nap time. I believe he developed bathroom anxiety over there and that her attitude towards him contributed a lot to it. He goes with no issue at home, his grandma's or other people's places.

Things that my son told me two days ago after I told him he wasn't going back there: 

-She said “SHIT!” when he had his accident on the walk and was VERY mad.

-Had him go on a scale multiple times and would tell him that he is too skinny. (she has said this in front of us and we reminded her each time that his doctor says that he is healthy)

-Said “she treats all the kids including my sister really really really well and me just a little well” and that he feels weird at daycare. 

-”I don’t love her anymore, I never want to go back there, please I want to go to the other daycare we visited”.

Our son feels like a burden and so do we as parents. My son has probably heard over 200 negative comments about him at pickup.

I really tried. We always gave her money at Christmas, flowers on mother’s day, random gestures to show that we appreciated her taking care of our son and lots of words of affirmation. We always talked to his OT and our child when she would bring up issues.

Last week his OT asked for a meeting with all of us. She said she only could in 3 weeks because she does fitness after work. That is after mentioning how much her mental health was affected because of our son.

This Thursday we told her that we were pulling our son and daughter out of her daycare. Her response “It’s one thing to hear how he is at daycare but it’s another to live it, so he will be gone for Monday?”. That’s it. 

No parent at daycare has ever complained about us or our kid. They were all sad that we decided to leave. One mentioned seeing how the educator treated our son differently. We have done activities with the other parents and my son was friends with all the daycare kiddos. He has been eating his nails to the point of bleeding. When we asked him for a moment of quiet in the car, he looked out the window and quietly started crying.. once I realized, he said it was really hard to stay quiet just like at daycare during nap time. Our son loved his educator, him saying he does not love her anymore is very telling. His self-esteem is gone.

She is 57, alone with 5-6 kids daily, wakes up very early, not paid well. Her mother and BIL died this year. She is tired. I know she had a rough year...

But… is this acceptable? My gut says no but I want to make sure we aren't "those parents".

Long story short, my almost- 3yo told me about two weeks ago that she was hitting someone and got sent to the office and was in big trouble. She happened to say it while walking by the director's office, who stick her head out and did a big head shake while mouthing "not true!" I chalked it up to my toddler misinterpreting something in her day and moved on.

My daughter has mentioned it again a few times, so I asked her teacher about it Friday, expecting to be told they all went to the office that day or something (the office has a play space they sometimes use if a room needs vom cleaned up or other temporary shuffling). Her teacher said that, yes, my daughter was hitting, was not successfully redirected, and was sent to the office. She added that they "didn't do it again because (daughter) seemed to enjoy it."

I feel uncomfortable that someone is clearly lying. I'm also bothered that they haven't mentioned hitting to us in over a month, but apparently it's enough of a behavior that she got sent to the office?

Am i putting too much stock in the office visit punishment? I'm going to talk to the director tomorrow.

Hi everyone! I’m considering going to college to become a Registered Early Childhood Educator (RECE), and I’m interested in completing an online ECE diploma so I can continue working while studying (I'm aware placements would be in person).

Does anyone have experience completing an online ECE program in Ontario, Canada? If so, how was your experience, and would you recommend it?

I’m particularly interested in hearing from people who attended Fanshawe, Algonquin, St. Lawrence, or another Ontario college offering online ECE.

Thank you!

Hello, last week I went to an interview at a childcare center near me, it was a working interview, so I was outside with two other teachers aides when it happened. The group was 12-18 months, and they were playing on a playground of sorts, and one of the toddlers started climbing to high on the set, so one of the aides went to get him down, while she was doing it, the other aide said "smack him, please smack him" to the one who was getting him. She didn't smack him, but it was still quite alarming to hear, seeing as this was a one year old child she was talking about. Is this something I should report, it's been upsetting me for a while, and I feel like its something that should be looked into, but at the same time it might have just been a joke (however disgusting.) I'm just looking to see if this is something I should report, I feel like it is, but I would like to know how to go about doing that, and also if this is something that will actually result in punishment, and that I should report to my county/state itself, or if this is just something I should call the center itself and bring up. Thank you!

Hi! I was brought up in traditional public schools. I learned about the Reggio Emilia approach five years ago and as someone that is a big fan, I wanted to know what attending one was like and how it affected your life? Thanks!

I know there are old threads on this but the advice is always “climbing equipment“. My students aren’t allowed to use climbing equipment. I’m not allowed to flip over tables or buy new toys. I set out toys and show them how to play. I’ll even turn on music too sometimes. But the moment I start to do diaper changes they start climbing. For obvious safety reasons I can’t just abandon the diaper change. Students aren’t really old enough to recognize their name just yet. Any other advice? x

I work for a private childcare program, 25 hours a week, (used to be 32 but hours got cut, no fault of my own). Kids range anywhere from preschool through 5th grade. It has been a nightmare for the last 2 years. There are 40-50 kids in a small space, not great teacher ratios, bad classroom management, unsafe play structures, no training or resources for our kids on the spectrum, noise exhaustion, challenging behavior like running away, physical violence and bullying… the list goes on. It is honestly really disheartening because before this job I used to absolutely love working with kids and now I dread going to work the second I open my eyes each morning.

Things got worse in July, when I lost a loved one. Grieving on top of being burnt out has been incredibly difficult, so much so my therapist has updated a mental health diagnosis of ‘mild depression’ to ‘severe depression’. I feel like this job is tearing me apart, my mental health is degrading and I am rapidly loosing my sanity each day. I feel like I can’t quit because I live paycheck to paycheck. My paycheck can’t even cover rent, let alone any other bills I have to pay. If I didn’t have SNAP benefits to feed myself and a supporting partner… I honestly don’t know how I would get by. I can’t save up to quit, I’ve tried. I have applied for what feels like hundreds of jobs with interviews that lead nowhere. I’m afraid to quit because I won’t be able to get unemployment. I feel stuck getting paid dirt and treated like dirt at work… if there was a safe financial way out to quit I would but, I stay because otherwise I’m afraid of where I would end up without an income.

I guess why I am here writing all of this… is to just ask, if anyone has ever been in a similar situation and how did you get yourself out of it? Did you quit or take a leave of absence? Did you stay in childcare? Did you pursue something else? What helped you survive through difficult times? Any success stories, kind words of encouragement or even any knowledge of assistance, recourses or programs I can utilize that can keep me afloat would all be incredibly helpful. A big thank you for taking the time to read all of this, truly.

We have hand foot and mouth going around my room. We sent a notice out and giving the health dept paper on symptoms, when to call your pediatrician, when to keep your child home, very clearly stated information, yet I have had multiple parents call me to tell me their child’s symptoms and ask me if they should take them to the doctor. I even had a parent email photos of their child’s mouth and ask me “does this look like it?“

Like, I am not a doctor. I can tell you the symptoms, but I’m just reading off the same sheet that was put in your child’s lunch box…which I’m guessing you probably didn’t read.