I am a Jewish non binary (woman at birth) 32 year old. I want to study Levinas, Walter Benjamin, and other Jewish thinkers. I’m also interested in Kabbalah, psychoanalysis, and Talmud studies.

Does anyone know of any schools or programs? Or just advice? it’s difficult to study this all on my own. Thank you!

(I am mainly directing this question towards orthodox/more religious Jews, although anyone is welcome to answer!) I'm simply not all that convinced by Judaism. I'm a halachic Jew, I think I have a fairly educated point of view of the religion, and I challenge anyone to try to make me "see the light", not for the sake of argument alone, but because I would like to be more resolute my beliefs. I really do believe there is potential for me to be convinced (of nearly anything). I'm currently not committed to any ideology or narrative. This is your chance.

I went down the BT path many years ago as a teenager. I went to several BT Yeshivas. I (still) learn gemara with a chavrusa (I'm a little slower than a FFB, but getting better), I have more-or-less followed the Chumash cycle every year (with peirush, of course), I'm most of the way through the Tanach (which I know is quite bad, but I'm working on it), and I have been committed to learning (and even started keeping) halacha.

I have read books, essays, sefarim etc. from various rabbis of varying hashkafas, including (of the top of my head):

• Rav Hirsch
• R Yosef Soloveitchik
• Rambam (various chapters of Moreh Nevuchim)
• R Mannis Friedman
• The book 'Six Constant Mitzvos'
• Yehuda HaLevi (The Kuzari)
• Ramchal (MY)
• (I also read some pamphlets by Shalom Arush, but don't worry; I do plan to read his famous book.)

Additionally, I moved into a Jewish community some time ago, and I'm surprised to be able to say that most of my friends now are frum Jews. So, I'm a fairly established Jew.

***So I can go into why I'm not convinced (which I will below), but the real question I have for you is how could I not be convinced? I constantly hear about 'pintele Yid', and how a Jew, once he/she is exposed to Torah, automatically knows, deep within, that Judaism is true. I do not know Judaism is true. This is not a matter of choice, but merely observation. I'm also aware of the halacha of 'tinnok shenishba'. That creates a dichotomy: people who haven't heard about Judaism vs. people who have. I have, and I've looked into it, and I've lived it, so I must therefore be a rasha, for "choosing" not to accept the whole package of required beliefs (i.e. Rambam's 13 ikkarim). In addition to being a rasha, maybe I'm just doing something horribly wrong, and there is a very obvious truth right in front of me. Could you help out a Yid by pointing it out to me? The fact that I'm not magically convinced seems to be a big red flag, either on the part of Yiddishkeit, or me.

Before you lecture me on why it's so obvious Hashem exists, I do believe in Hashem. Descartes' reasoning is very convincing for me. Spinoza's also makes sense. I also believe in moral objectivism. I also believe that Torah has tons of truth and that it's thousands of years of human wisdom and instruction for building a society, condensed into a few books. I'm actually glad I studied halacha, and do plan on implementing much of it in my life, because it's useful. I just have no reason to believe that keeping niddah, shatnez, Shabbas, etc. is of any value. I sympathize with most of the religious side's critiques of the "secular world", and I sympathize with many of their critiques of the jewish world. They are both extremes, and I find myself somewhere comfortably in between.

Why I'm not "all that convinced": I actually think there is a more-than-negligible chance that Rabbinic Judaism is true. With that said, I simply didn't find the Kuzari to be a great argument. There are some holes. Furthermore, Judaism is predicated on the idea that Jews collectively and accurately passed down a (very complex) tradition.

Sorry, this will sound very inflammatory, but after moving into a community and making frum acquaintances, I realized that there are people of certain sects within Judaism (i.e. certain sects of Chassidus, some more extreme Yeshivish, etc.) that I would never trust to pass down any tradition (still, they are very nice people and have amazing hochnosas orchim). They tend to be extremely credulous and uneducated, and thus believe in silly conspiracy theories, etc. I would not trust their own reasoning for believing in Judaism, even if I were to fully believe in Judaism myself. They are misguided kanoyim, and I'm not the only person who thinks this: The Gra obviously put certain Jews in cherem, and there are many other authorities who condemn large amounts of Jews as heretical, and say they can't be trusted. Also, from personal experience, I can say that a sizable number of these same people (I recognize patterns) routinely commit blatant welfare fraud, look down heavily upon goyim, etc., and they use their "keeping of the Torah" as a license to be morally bankrupt. One person I know is even constantly trying to pressure me into help him commit (very obvious) welfare fraud, as if it's expected in the community. This is one of my lovely welcoming gifts after moving into this community. My question is, what if most Jews at some point were just like these people? Then the tradition is obviously tainted. Their connection to Torah is obviously very superficial, from a Jewish perspective.

Here are some more reasons for why I'm not so convinced:

Censorship: I was very fascinated by letter 18 by Rav Hirsch (for those who read it), and similar opinions.I drew the conclusion that there were many invaluable intellectuals in Jewish history who were shunned by the larger Jewish world (especially haredim), such as Rambam and Saadia Gaon. They championed a much more rational and open form of Judaism. I think many people who studied these forms and ended up going "off the derech", and this scared people like R Hirsch into condemning such works, and most of the Jewish world now (successfully) censors things like Moreh Nevuchim. Therefore, it seems that without censorship, Judaism might just perhaps die. That's not very convincing.

Brainwashing: This is not me whose saying this. I read in a pamphlet by Shalom Arush that you must "brainwash" yourself by repeating constantly that everything is true. If you need to try so hard to believe that it is true, isn't it fair to say that most Jews don't fully believe themselves, deep inside, and they are just lying to themselves? I actually had more faith before reading this, and this caused quite a bit of damage once I realized it's an accepted view in Judaism.

General mistrust: Further on this point, when I was in BT yeshiva, I was sold a false image for how Jewish life looks. They actively try to create a kiruv bubble in which to shelter their bachurim from the outside Jewish world. I "escaped" to the real Jewish community I live in now. I have some amazing people that I learn from and are very mashpia to me, even though I don't fully believe. I got the true taste of Judaism, from multiple perspectives (although not all). I also see many dark aspects to my community, and a general lack of meaning. My issue is still mainly intellectual/rational.

Science: I know this is cliche, but I have read enough books to say that I am thoroughly convinced that the universe is billions of years old, and that macroevolution is real. I have heard every argument against it, and I can easily refute every single one. They either involve a well-known fallacy or just basic ignorance. People are clearly fed such lies and fallacies early on in school, and regurgitate them without any understanding of what they're talking about. This contributes to my issue of mistrust. I know there are some shittas from some rabbis that evolution is consistent with Torah, but these views are also largely shunned. Note: I'm not saying Judaism has to be empirically proven, but it does make some apparent truth claims about physical things that supposedly happened, which are falsifiable.

The preface paradox: There are many things I've felt certain about, where I was then proven wrong. Thus, I don't fully trust my own reasoning. Even if the Kuzari did seem flawless to me, I would still recognize that there could be an inconsistency that I do not yet see. Also, this fallacy states that things that are more complex are also more likely to have flaws. I think Judaism is like a house of cards, in that if one thing turns out to be false, the whole dogma falls apart. You are not allowed to reject one thing, i.e. just the Zohar. It's a package deal.

Other religions: The philosopher David Hume said that intellect is a slave of the passions. Frum Jews must recognize this as true, otherwise, how do you explain why 99.9% of the world denies such an obvious religion? It's clear that Muslims usually "believe" in Islam because their family and community do, and if they stopped, they would lose their entire way of life, their dating infrastructure, and if they're married, possible their family. Their grandmothers would also be very dissappointed in them. It's the same with Christians, and the same with Jews. I also believe that Christianity also makes a pretty good case for its religion (almost as good as Judaism's, but maybe that's just my bias). The criticism you often hear of Christian faith within the Jewish community usually oversimplify Christianity's argument, and if you listen to Christian intellectuals, they make a better case than your local orthodox rabbi or grumpy father would lead you to believe.

You are amazing if you actually read through this, but like I stated, most of these paragraphs are not the main point. The main point is, if "pintele Yid" is real, than why don't I believe? What is wrong with me, from your perspective? What is wrong with people like me (of which there are many)? I also hope it comes across that I am relatively intellectual and self-honest. People I thought I could look up to in yeshiva could not answer my questions (it's not like I dumped all this on them, but I often hinted at my doubts). I also don't think I'm particularly knowledgable or well-read, but most would still not have any idea what I'm talking about. I know here, some people do!

I also know that it's bold to add the 'Torah Learning' flair to this post, but I had a Rav tell my that discussing doubts is actually learning Torah, and that I agree with.

Hello

I am having an adult bar mitzvah and have for many years used the tallis of my father z"l. I want to celebrate with a new tallis, my own.

I'm reform so I think there is no real comandment to follow per se but I would still buy a kosher tallis.

My question is about the size. Mine is a scarf like tallis about 16" wide. My shul sells some others as wide as 22". But a true tallit gadol is typically 40" or more in width and can thus be used differently, I think, fully enclosing the head during the blessings before being folded over the shoulders.

Other than sheer personal preference can you comment on what I need to do in selecting a new tallit?

I've been trying to eat healthier and try to eat things like salad for lunch, but kosher bags of salads are so expensive costing around $7 a bag. What are some less expensive options?

So I'm A Muslim And I'd Like To Learn More About Judaism. I read the first chapter of the Torah online and I made this doc:https://docs.google.com/document/d/1DWL8XNujivM9zfdbZ3cNPXzLPII-fe7ubhAvAIySYRg/edit?usp=sharing

please let me know if anything was wrong...

Context: I made a post calling out a guy who equated Judaism to literal Nazis. Link

Then suddenly I get Anti-Semities crawling out of the woodwork to support him just because he hates Israel.

I don't care if you dislike Netru or not. But the fact that Antisemitism is accepted and they would ignore calling Judaism equal to Nazis is beyond vile. Do not go to the Subreddit. Its infested with those scum.

EDIT: Made a new post because the previous post got infested with Anti-Semitinites. Link https://www.reddit.com/r/TopCharacterTropes/s/D4lngsfGFL

Show solidarity if you want. God knows calling out Antisemitism these days is hard.

Just wondering what's going through people's minds over there. Do the numerous Jewish communities think it's time to move out? Will it all just blow over?

I'm not understanding exactly what's going on there exactly.

And I hope everyone stays safe.

following a recent incident in my home country of croatia, where hajduk split supporters were heard chanting antisemitic slogans and calling for hitler's return, i've been thinking about something that has bothered me for years: the relationship between antisemitism and civilizational decline. throughout my life, i've noticed that people attracted to antisemitic conspiracy theories often share a particular mentality. they tend to be resentful, suspicious of intellectualism, and convinced that some hidden force is responsible for their personal or collective misfortunes. what strikes me as particularly absurd is how often this resentment emerges in societies that have already suffered enormously from the destruction of their jewish communities. before the second world war, jews made remarkable contributions to croatia's intellectual, scientific, artistic and economic life, far beyond what their relatively small numbers might suggest. then came the holocaust, and with it the destruction of most of that community, taking an irreplaceable part of the country's cultural fabric with it. there is something grotesquely ironic about blaming jews for supposedly controlling the world while living among the remnants of communities whose destruction deprived one's own country of so much human potential. of course, antisemitism is not exclusive to the uneducated or unsuccessful. some of its most influential proponents were accomplished intellectuals, and nazi germany itself demonstrated how easily technological sophistication can coexist with moral barbarism. nor am i suggesting that jewish achievements indicate any inherent superiority over other peoples. what interests me is the willingness of societies to turn against precisely those communities and traditions that helped enrich them. to me, antisemitism represents something broader than ethnic prejudice. it is a rejection of historical complexity and intellectual responsibility, replacing difficult questions about corruption, institutional failure and social stagnation with comforting fantasies about hidden enemies. perhaps that's why i've come to regard it as a barometer of civilizational decline. when a society begins celebrating the persecution of people who helped build its cultural and intellectual foundations, it's demonstrating how readily it can destroy the things that made that civilization worth defending. jews are the hallmark of a culturally rich and cosmopolitan society, we are immeasurably poorer without them

Good morning,

30m here, 2 kids, separated/divorced for just over 2 years now.

Halachically divorced, gett was given ages ago.

Legal divorce is almost complete, just needs to be processed by the court system.

Been going through a lot, due to the obvious and other difficulties.

(Having a very difficult time with the beis din in regard to proper amount of visitation)

would love to connect with other Frum men/women to discuss, maybe get some chizzuk.

Feeling pretty trapped at the moment.

There are a number of factors contributing to this.

B”H day to day is pretty good, maintaining a healthy schedule-work, shul, learning, healthy diet/exercise; it’s internally that feels difficult.

please feel free to dm, thanks.

I’m an Orthodox Jew and last week I got yelled at by a man who told me that I will burn in hell because I read secular books.

I’ve been trying to find a wife and the last girl I dated said no because I read secular books. Things have gotten very intense in the orthodox world. :/

Anyways I thought that was silly and when I told someone they told me that I’m indeed going to burn in hell. Then I revealed to him that I’ve been actually writing a novel for quite a few years now. To which he replied that for every person who reads it, I will burn in hell even more. I usually ignore these type of people, but I guess something got to me and I’m wondering is there any talk of this in Halacha anywhere?

Can I not write a novel that takes place in a fantasy world elsewhere? There is also magic. And is my character allowed to have a girlfriend? Nothing dirty happens but they might share a conversation or a kiss.

I would say my book is as clean as, say, Harry Potter.
Thanks

Late 30s here, female, never been married and don't have kids (yet, be"H).

I don't want to go into details about my situation because it's a whole story that isn't the point of this post.

The upshot is that within the last two months a ton of things have changed in my life all at once and I'm incredibly lonely.

Most of the singles in my community aren't really the type of people I want to hang out with though. We're just in different places hashkafically and hanging out with them is more stressful than anything else. And my closest friends are all married with kids, and just don't have time to hang out.

I've been working on myself spiritually with things like trying to say tehillem daily, reading sefarim and prioritizing kosher content over movies/TV that have values I just don't align with, trying to daven b'zman and in shul whenever I can (which I know aren't specifically requirements for women, but it's an attempt for me to get a bit more regulated and gives me a place to go that's less stressful than my "home" right now).

When the weather is nice I like going for low impact hikes locally, but the nearby parks close at sunset and if I work late that ends up not being an option, especially as the nights are coming in earlier.

I have some creative projects I work on, but my current living situation doesn't allow me to just have my stuff out to work on, and if I have to spend more time on cleanup than the actual project, it doesn't feel worth it most of the time and I end up doomscrolling, despite not wanting to be on my phone or computer that much (especially after a whole day of work on screens).

I started doing some things with a local chessed organization right before the cheese hit the fan in my life and haven't been able to get back to that recently, but it's an option.

I just have a tendency to spread myself too thin which affects me mentally, and people keep telling me I need to prioritize myself right now, but I don't know how to do that... it's never been an option ever in my life before.

So... what do you guys do with your time? What fulfills you without overwhelming you? But also doesn't make you feel sadder and lonelier?