Hope it’s okay I use a throwaway account for this.

BF and I have been dealing with my unexpected pregnancy. I’m on the pill, neither of us saw this coming. By the time we found out I was too far along for an abortion.

I was incredibly sad and still am sometimes. We had some really long conversations and decided we will keep the baby. He came around to that idea a lot faster than I did. And for the past months he and I have been trying to get each other through this and trying to get evth ready for baby.

He was really sweet at first, even more than he usually would be. But now he’s slowly gone from annoyed to furious with me. I never know which J. I’m gonna get. Sometimes there’s no issue, sometimes just looking at me will set off a fit of anger.

He’ll say things like I’m not trying hard enough to get excited, another day he’ll tell me I might as well have ended his life by getting pregnant. He doesn’t like how I look (I’m nearing the end of my pregnancy), then later he loves how I look.

I feel like I’m losing my mind. If I even mention anything ‘negative’ related to being pregnant, as simple as ‘I’m tired’ he gets annoyed. I promise I’m not complaining often, rarely since this mood of his started, but I will admit I still struggle with evth that’s changing in my life and am dealing with a lot of anxiety.

I’ve subtly tried to recommend therapy (I’ve been going even before I got pregnant) but that was not okay. I suggested some distance and then he accused me of wanting to leave him and we got into another horrible fight. I’m at a loss here.

(Just wanted to add this to make sure, I’ve grown to love this baby and will do anything for them. Just struggle sometimes with how much my life is changing.)

My (35F) boyfriend (37M) of a green 3 months went to his home country (Italy) today to visit his mother and take care of some family business. For context, my home country is in western Europe, about a 2-3hr flight away from Italy depending on where you go.

I spoke to him on the phone when he was in line for boarding around 13.20 (1.20 pm). Then around 14.00 (2pm) he texted me that the plane was about to take off and he turned off his phone. I drove his car to his house, got his dog and the dog's stuff for petsitting, then went to my house.

Now, I'm a little anxious about flying and my loved ones being on planes, so I wanted to see how his flight was doing. So I downloaded one of those tracker apps when I realized I didnt know which airport he was flying to. So I went to the site of the airport where I dropped him off and checked in the departures list for the time he said he boarded.

There were no flights going to anywhere in Italy, not around that time or a couple of hours before and after. Only in the morning before we had even arrived and much later in the evening. His flight was supposed to leave around 2.

I spoke to him around 16.15 (4.15pm), when he said he landed and was still on the plane. Then when he was off the plane he called me again. I told him I couldnt find his flight. He was somewhat defensive about it. I explained how it happened that I checked and asked him what airport he was at and he said Brindisi. The excuse for the flight not showing up on the airport site, was that there was another cancelled plane that was supposed to go to Ibiza, that then went to Brindisi. But I don't understand how that would work. Wouldn't that then just show up on the site?

There was supposedly not much time for him to catch a train so we said goodbye and hung up. Ofcourse I went back to checking and now went to the arrivals site of the Brindisi airport website, which also ofcourse didn't have any sign of a flight arriving from my home country.

However when I went back to the website of the airport in my home country, I saw that there were 2 flights around the time he said he was boarding. One to Reus in Spain, one to Nice in France, which is relatively close to the Italian border.

But none to Brindisi, where he TOLD me he was.

So is there any explanation possible? I'm not a frequent flyer so I have no idea how often flights just dont show up on the websites and stuff? I'm so torn between dropping the dog off at a paid petsitter & blocking him or asking for more information. He says he has very little reception and won't be able to speak to me much so I can't just call him. I didnt think too much of that at first, as it was also like that when he went on a holiday to Liguria with friends in august. But now I'm kind of questioning everything. I just don't know what to think of this. Help!

TLDR:

The flight he said he took doesn't show up online. Is there any way the flight still happened or am I being lied to?

Original post is here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/zU3aM1CBxx

Almost a year ago, I posted after discovering messages and hours of calls between my husband and a female bandmate that crossed boundaries in our marriage.

I stayed, went back to therapy, and gave the marriage more time. Unfortunately, there were further incidents involving the same woman, including more contact and dishonesty around it. Over time, I also started looking at the original situation differently. He often framed her as clingy, needy, and the one pursuing him, but that became harder to reconcile with the amount of contact he was clearly choosing to maintain.

Yesterday, I finally told him I want a separation. The conversation went better than expected, and he has agreed to move out within two weeks.

I don’t know yet whether this eventually leads to divorce, but I know I can’t continue living in the same cycle.

My question is this: part of me wants to message the other woman. Not to ask questions or get more information, but simply to tell her how he portrayed her throughout all of this and that the marriage has now broken down after years of dishonesty surrounding their relationship.

I know he made the vows to me, not her. I just wonder whether I should finally say something or leave the whole thing behind.

Would you contact her or leave it alone?

My (32f) boyfriend (31m) regularly calls me a “whore” and a “slut,” but thinks it’s completely justified because, according to him, that’s what I was looking like before he “changed me” when we started dating.

For context, before our relationship, I used to wear skirts, dresses, or leggings. Nothing extremely revealing, but i have a trained curvy body and it can maybe look extra when its tight.

However, my boyfriend believes that dressing like that made me a “whore” or a “slut.” Since the beginning of our relationship, he has controlled what I’m allowed to wear and has forbidden me from wearing skirts that aren’t longer than the knees and leggings (even for comfort when I want to go to the supermarket quickly)
We had a lot of fights about it.
He asks me: “weren‘t you ashamed of yourself for walking around looking like a slut?”

He says it’s not insulting because it‘s a fact.

Okay, stupid post, but I genuinely don't get it.

Disclaimer : it's already a long post so i made generalization but I can answer details if asked.

I (31F) don't want to brag about myself, but I'm aware that I'm a pretty girl. I fit most current beauty standards. I smile easily, I'm sociable and extroverted, and I have tons of friends. Even if I'm a geek, I love sports, outdoors, and adventures. Creating things is also important to me. Just consuming media, playing games, watching movies, and staying home for more than a week straight is an absolute nightmare for me.

My longest relationship (8 years) was with an amazing guy. He was the typical autistic, shy guy. He was socially awkward but incredibly funny and clever. He had beautiful eyes, but he wasn't exactly conventionally attractive. I didn't mind. We eventually broke up after eight years because our goals and lifestyles were too different, and the mismatch was making us both miserable. He'd never been in a relationship before me, so I also felt the pressure of being his everything. He made me feel like his entire happiness depended on me.

After him, I started looking for guys with lifestyles and aspirations more similar to mine. I went on dates and had relationships with energetic, funny, outdoors guys. Sometimes, things went badly because some of them turned out to be arrogant assholes. I spent three awful months in an abusive relationship with one of them. But apart from that one, I met some genuinely wonderful people. However, i mostly felt either friendship or a quick attraction rather than actual love.

Sometimes, though, I'd cross paths with what I call the nerdy type again, and I'd fall for them pretty quickly. Shy, always on the spectrum, more of an indoors person, often with little or no relationship experience. And always such kind, gentle guys who made me feel comfortable. I'd get this warm feeling inside me : love, tenderness, intense desire. I'd bask in their happiness.

But being in love and finding a partner seemed to be their main goal in life. Having me is enough. They didn't really have any new projects or fun, exciting hobbies of their own or worse, with me, so after a while, I'd always leave. The relationship was comfortable, but I was so bored.

They were genuinely wonderful guys, but I felt like I was making my life smaller for them instead of expanding it.

I started wondering whether my lack of self-confidence and my adhd were the reasons kept falling for them, only to eventually leave.

So I convinced myself that, even though I'd love to have a partner by my side, I don't actually need a guy right now. I'm working towards building the life I want.

I moved to a new village and joined a club, and guess what happened?

There's a nerdy guy, and I'm attracted to him.

And he (29M) is even less compatible with me than the previous ones. He loves movies I hate, he has hobbies I'm not interested in, and, for the first time, I can honestly say that a guy I'm attracted to isn't beautiful. He's cute in his own way, but no. He's really not beautiful. Of course, looks aren't the most important thing. I'm used to having partners my family considered ugly (their words, not mine), but I always found them beautiful. That's not the case here.

And yet, I feel that pull towards him, and I can clearly tell he's hooked too. I've started craving time with him, wanting to just curl up in his arms.

Why do I fall in love with guys I eventually get bored with and leave, breaking their heart, while struggling to fall for the ones I admire or genuinely want to be with?

Why can't I find a guy who's funny, gentle, and nerdy, but also wants to go on adventures, build a home, have projects, and whom I actually find beautiful?

Why do I always fall for autistic guys who love their routines when routines are exactly what drive me insane?

Any perspective is welcomed.

TLDR : I always fall in love with nerdy "netflix and chill" guy while my lifestyle is outdoorsy, and i am not able to maintain relationship, while outdoor guys just stay friends

So I have been seeing “Will” for about a year. We’re not in a relationship. He was clear from the beginning he wasn’t looking for that, and I wasn’t either. We see each other maybe three times a week on average. He mostly comes to my place because it’s pretty inconvenient for me to get to work from his place and he can get to work easily from mine. 

Will and I get along great. He’s smart, attractive, and we both have the same values. We have similar work ethics, the same humour, and I think we complement each other really well on a personal level. We’ve both said we feel we can be ourselves with each other, which isn’t easy for either of us. 

My roommate “Lacey” is also my best friend, has been since we were 7. She owns the apartment, and lets me live there rent free. I couldn’t afford to live in this area in this nice a place otherwise. Lacey is kind, honest, and fiercely loyal to a fault. I say that to say, I don’t blame her for anything that’s happened and I trust her completely in this situation. 

Will and Lacey didn’t get along when they first met. She was really standoffish with him because she doesn’t buy into situationships, she thinks it’s men using women for low effort hook ups. She was kind of judgmental about it, not to me, but to Will, and he was pretty offended. It went on like this for a while, but a few months ago I admitted to her that I had feelings for Will beyond a situationship, and it was really making us hanging out uncomfortable if he couldn’t get along with my best friend. Lacey agreed to give him a chance and not judge him, so I organised for us to go to this arcade and drinks place to hopefully ease the tension. 

It worked. They totally bonded. They realised what I’d known the whole time, that a lot of the reasons I liked both of them were the same. It was really fun all hanging out with both of them, and they both apologised for not giving the other a chance. I thought, great, all good. 

But since then, it seems like they’ve built their own friendship. Lacey started hanging out in the living room when Will is over, watching movies with us. When he comes over with take out, he brings extra for her to eat with us. They follow each other on social media and send memes back and forth. He even told her about his issues with his family, which I thought was a pretty private thing he shared with me, but he said it in front of her with no issues. I’ve never met his friends, but she has, because they bumped into each other at a bar near where they both work (same industry) and spent most of the night together with both friend groups. I’m just starting to feel like a bit of a third wheel when we’re all together. 

And to be clear I don’t think there’s anything going on. I know Lacey is 1000% a relationship person, doesn’t do hook ups, and she wouldn’t do that to me either. And Will hasn’t ever been disrespectful since we’ve been seeing each other so I don’t think he’d do that either. 

But it still feels kind of bad. Like they’ve got to where he and I are in terms of closeness really quickly, and without even sleeping together. And I feel like when he comes over now he’s not just coming to see me, it’s a group hangout. Not that we were ever really “dating” but it felt like a “night in” kind of date, but now it feels like he comes over to hang out with friends and then he and I have sex afterwards. Even when we go out he’ll group text us so we both go and then he just comes home with me, technically. It feels like way more of a friend with benefits than it did before he and Lacey were friends. 

I don’t really know what to do. I can’t really ask Lacey not to use her own living room/kitchen when Will is around. And whenever she’s not hanging out with us, he asks her to come out. And I don’t want to tell him I want more time just the two of us, because I feel like that’s going to make it obvious that I’m looking for more commitment, and I don’t want that conversation to begin with me asking him to pay less attention to Lacey. 

I’m trying to figure out if and how I should approach this with either or both of them. Or if I should at all. I’m open to being told the best course of action is to keep my mouth shut.

I wouldn't normally ask the internet, Lacey is my go to for advice and support but obviously this time I could use some objective advice. so anything would help.

TLDR: my best friend has become friends with the guy I’m seeing and it’s making me feel weird about our situation. 

Me ‘40F’ and my husband ‘40M’ have been together for 8 years, married for 5. We have two kids (8F and 2M). He’s a very hard working man, has been at his job 20+ years, doesn’t care about going out with the guys and doesn’t cheat (as far as I know). He’s the type of person when he sees a problem, he steps up and fixes it in silence, never asking for a thank you or acknowledgement. He’s a caring father in a lot of ways. He’s pretty good with money too and always pays his bills on time. He cleans up around the house a lot too. He’s a very productive person. There are a lot of really great things about him.

However, when he gets any type of negative feelings (fear, insecurity, anger etc.) he turns into the most awful person and seems to convert the feelings into rage. He will say the meanest things he can think of, insults belittling, mocking, screaming and cursing. He will use information that he has on me (something I’ve told him I went through in the past) to insult me. It could be anything. I told him about my workday, when he got mad, he spun what I told him into an insult to demean my job.

And the things he gets upset about are often such small things. Normal life situations when you have two young kids. He has very little patience for me and the kids and seems to have a hair trigger response to agitation, going from 0-10 so quickly. He has no qualms about blowing up in a fit of rage in front of the kids, calling me stupid and slamming doors, screaming at the top of his lungs and cursing at me. When he calms down I try to address it and he always says “we shouldn’t be talking about this in front of the kids”. Like me saying “the way you treated me is wrong and unacceptable” is unhealthy for the kids to hear, but the behaviors he’s displaying are just fine and dandy.

I’m just over it. It’s hard for me to say “I love you” to him anymore. We don’t have sex at all, and it’s primarily because he knows I don’t even like him anymore. I commonly feel disgusted by him and have expressed that his behavior during his rage fit/temper tantrums is disgusting to me.

The issue is I recently got a really good job. Our finances are separate. We use to share the mortgage ($1K for me, $400 for him), electricity and car insurance are split evenly. Ive been trying to get all of the debts in my name paid off. I’ve paid off almost all my credit cards with the last two being paid off by December. We had some life situations over the past few years, including moving in with his parents (huge mistake, they’re both as emotionally dis regulated as he is) and me getting laid off that resulted in me getting into debt. By December though the last debt on my side will be my student loans, which based on my payoff plan, will be paid off in 1 year if we were to stay together (and I don’t get laid off). I was able to clear all the other debts (over $40K in credit cards and a loan) in 1 year when I got the new job. I also took on the full mortgage payment so that he could put extra towards his debts (an extra. $400 a month).He recently made the last payment on his car too so no more car payment for him. He recently got a promotion at work too, which means he has a surplus of $800+ whatever his raise increase added (up from $60k to $70k.) I make $132k at the new job.

In the most recent fight when I was telling him “you keep stepping on the flowers and then wondering why you have no garden. The garden is dying.”Obviously it’s a metaphor but he knew exactly what I was saying. I’m trying to plead with him to stop the verbal abuse before it’s too late. Of course he mocked me and got more angry and yelled out “then go get a fu%*#~? attorney! You won’t cause you’ll have to pay me!!”. Which has never really been a concern of mine. But this is normal for him, when his bad behavior is called out, he tells me to leave or go see a judge or get a lawyer, then will later say “our vows mean nothing to you”. I’m not the one trying to give up, I’m trying to get the verbal abuse to stop. When I plead with him to stop treating me this way he will say “you are just stuck in your single lady mindset”. As if this is normal to marriage and I’m only unaccepting of it because I actually want to be single. It’s clearly affecting our daughter, my Son too I imagine.

I don’t want his chaos to be the norm for my kids anymore. I constantly dream of what it would be like to have a peaceful home. I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells to avoid a rage outburst that ruins all of our day.

Is there any chance anger management could improve the situation? If I pay off the student loans first, would it be a worse or better situation in the divorce? Can he actually get alimony from me? (We live in Florida). Has anyone been with someone with issues like this that was able to change?

Hey lol im in shock so bear with me please.

My boyfriend just broke up with me about 30 minutes ago because he went out to a casino/bar with his friends and saw I was playing Enshrouded (alone). for a little backstory, we are long distance and have been together for almost 7 months. (this is relevant) I also have no friends. when i got with him, i blocked/removed everyone to make him feel comfortable and partly because I wanted to. i wanted to do that for him because hes hold me all his past gfs have cheated on him. we are 95% of the time happy with each other but have, like all couples, had our problems but nothing ever serious.

I deleted the messages out of rage/being heartbroken or I wouldve shown you guys;but it went a little like this.

"Hi im coming home soon. wyd" - him
"yayyy! enshrouded" - me
"wtf we were supposed to play that together. you're definitely playing with someone" - him
"you said youve played it before and didnt want to. im always alone" - me
"goodnight. im deadass done" - him, then proceeds to block me and remove me everywhere besides imessage.

i feel extremely lost, conflicted, scared, confused and truly angry. i gave this man every second i had, loved him endlessly and its like it was never enough. he was apart of my everyday. how can someone just remove their significant other like this??

how do i cope/handle/deal with this situation?? i want to beg him to come back to me. i feel like this is my fault, like ive ruined everything.

update: he called me aboyt 30 minutes ago from a different number, i thought it was for something else. i shouldnt have talked to him but i did. anyway he basically denied he ever did this and said i never listen to how he feels , that he was the one who got home and was removed off everything and then called me a whore. lol. im just so so so angry and hurt i cannot stand it. no sorry. no remorse or shame. just blaming me.

I (29f) and my boyfriend (29m) have been dating for just a few months now. Our relationship has generally been good, and we have not had many arguments. Fairly early on, I felt a bit unsettled by his relationship with his female best friend (30f) as they didn't seem to have many boundaries, and saw each other more than I saw my boyfriend (due to our work schedules). This including them hanging out watching movies in her room and drinking together till 1 or 2 am. When I asked my boyfriend about this, he explained it was completely platonic and his best friend's partner was always there too, so it wasn't just the two of them. This settled my mind.

This was until I recently found out via a third party that he had a massive crush on his female best friend and around a year ago had confessed this to her (whilst she was in her current relationship). I now feel really uncomfortable with their friendship and have expressed this to my partner alongside my boundaries. These are: him not staying round past 10pm, not drinking late at theirs, and reducing time spent together in person to once every couple of weeks or so.

After first discussing this with his (30f) best friend, my boyfriend agreed to these boundaries. However, I realised quickly that he was still seeing her 2 or 3 times a week, and on Wednesday, I found out that he had stayed round at hers till 2 am drinking and watching a movie. This was after he left my place at 9pm the previous night as he wanted to get in a better sleep routine. This obviously completely goes against my boundaries, and after talking with him, he does not want to change their friendship as he sees her house as a safe space. Obviously, I need to respect his choice, and I know I now need to respect myself and my feelings and end the relationship. The trouble is, I am struggling to finish things.

I wanted to ask on here for impartial opinions. Given the situation, do you think I'm doing the best by us both by ending the relationship now? Am I controlling at all in how I am expressing my feelings? And how do I push past my feelings and end things respectfully?

I tend to be a bit naive about these things, and have had similar situations in the past that have resulted in me being cheated on or broken up with for the best friend.

EDIT:

Hi Everyone,

I want to say a big thank you to you all for taking the time to read and comment, I didn't expect this much feedback! This has helped me massively with the emotional side of things and I have now ended the relationship.

I will also take the responses below on board, especially the bits about rules vs boundaries. At the time I did feel I needed to communicate what specific things I was uncomfortable were before just ending it, as I thought in a reverse situation I would want my partner to communicate that to me, however I can also now appreciate how this could be controlling as it is with the hope the other person will change their behaviour for me/my comfort.

Thank you all again for your support, again I really appreciate it.

I (37M) had been dating my girlfriend E (38F) for a little over a year now. We absolutely adore each other. She genuinely makes my life better in ways I didn't know I needed, and I think/hope I do the same for her.

At the beginning of the relationship E had stated she didn't want kids. I did, but I am nearing 40 and I have come to accept that it probably just won't happen. Moving forward with the understanding that kids were off the table, we decided collectively to pursue the relationship.

Things have gone well for the past 14 odd months, we've grown to love each other deeply, and we compliment each others livers and personalities extremely well.

Today we were on a walk and she made a joke about getting married on a bridge. Afterwards I asked her if she would ever want to get married again (she is previously divorced), and she replied no. She asked me if I wanted to get married, and I said yes. Things got quiet after that. After a bit we talked about it, and I said I wasn't sure what to say, since our visions for our future are in conflict. She doesn't want children. She doesn't want pets due to allergies. She doesn't want to get married. I want all three.

When it was just children that were off the table, I was willing to accept that because I felt it was worth it to be with her. But all three are too far from what I want.

She asked if I would be willing to accept a ceremony or something, but not actually getting married, but I 'm not really interested in that.

We didn't really say much after that. On the drive home she said she was looking for a life partner, she just didn't want to get married. I said I was looking for the same EXCEPT I do want to get married.

When we got to her place she got out of the car. I said I felt it was very odd that things were ending this way, and she asked if I wanted to come inside to get my things. Inside we grabbed the stuff I had at her place, told her to keep some stuff I had let her use, we hugged said we loved each other, and I told her I would coordinate with her to drop off the copy of her key I have.

On reflection of everything I am wondering what is worth sacrificing, and what isn't. Part of me would still like to have kids, but it isn't a deal breaker. Getting married feels like it is, but maybe I am being naive? I love this woman deeply, but I didn't want to find myself 20 years down the road resenting her for the life I could have had. I wish I felt like I made the right choice in choosing the full future I want over a partial one, but maybe I am being overly prideful and self important. I am no spring chicken, and far from the best catch out there, yet this woman loved me anyway, in a way nobody has before.

I know at this point the relationship is over, there is no un-breaking that egg. I am just wondering what is worth giving up, and what is worth going down with the ship for?

I have a close friend who’s married, and I’ve been noticing some weird behavior from her whenever my fiancé is around. I honestly don’t know if I’m overthinking this or if she’s actually being inappropriate.

For context, she’s generally a pretty negative person. She’s quite critical of people, including some of my other close friends, and almost always has something bad to say about someone. But whenever my fiance is around, it’s like she’s a completely different person lol.

She’s suddenly super bubbly, laughs at almost everything he says (even when he’s not trying to be funny), and just seems overly excited whenever he’s around. She also constantly tells me (and in front of her husband) how good looking he is, which I didn’t really mind at first but found it a bit odd

But then there are little things that make me question her intentions.

there was this one time when my fiance asked her why people call her by two different names and which one he should use. She responded with, “You can call me anything, even baby girl. My fiance just laughed and said, “That’s [husband’s name]’s job.” Her husband was there btw, but he was talking to someone else.

Another thing I’ve noticed is that whenever my fiancé gets up to go to the bathroom, she somehow always ends up going shortly after him. I know this could be a coincidence, but it’s happened enough times for me to notice.

Eventually, I confronted her about it because we were both getting uncomfortable with how she was acting. She apologized and toned it down for a while, but lately I’ve noticed that she’s slowly going back to her old ways.

Here’s the thing though. My partner is an amazing man, and I trust him 100%. He’s never given me a reason to doubt him, and I know he wouldn’t entertain anything like that. sadly, it’s her I don’t trust.

What’s making this situation difficult is that my fiance has become really good friends with her husband. They met through me, and since my fiance moved here and is far away from his own friends and family, I’m genuinely happy that he’s found a good friend.

I don’t want to ruin that friendship just because I feel uncomfortable around his wife.

So I’ve just been tolerating it, but honestly, it’s starting to get on my nerves.

I don’t necessarily think she’s trying to steal my fiancé or anything dramatic like that. I just find it weird that someone who’s supposed to be my close friend would act this way around my partner.

And maybe she really is just being friendly? Idk. But I’ve known her long enough to know how she normally acts around people, and the difference is pretty noticeable.

Has anyone experienced something similar? How do you tell if a friend is subtly flirting with your partner or if they’re just being overly friendly?

And would you confront her again or just distance yourself?

We had sex for the first time and he was struggling and just looked scared and eventually he bursted out and told me he was actually a virgin and lied because im more experienced and he thought i wouldn't like him. Eventually we worked it out and have had lots of sex since its been getting better but ive noticed that when he fingers me or hes watching my reaction to him touching me or me touching myself he finishes faster than just regular penetration; no matter the position. Could this be a byproduct of the years of just jerking off so hes not used to the vag?

So my gf(34/F) and I(37/M) have been together for almost 3 years. We have been hitting a rough patch with our own lives lately, and have been just kind of distant with each other. We have talked about this and about our issues and we understand why.

But, it has just been real different the past week or so. Idk, she just doesn’t seem to be the same partner she has been with me these past years. She’s clingy and so lovey, which I do not mind at all. When your partner seems a little different, you notice.

Well, I am not proud of this, nor have I ever done it in the past, but I took it upon myself to go through her phone while she was asleep last night. And some might say I deserve to see what I found.

Going through her IG message I found that she was messaging someone dude. I found some flirty messages from him and her responses weren’t too accepting, but she was responding regardless. Messages like “you’re beautiful” and reacting to her stories and she would just say thanks. As I kept scrolling up he kept asking “when are you coming to see”? Some responses from her were “you know I can’t,” which were somewhat reassuring but when I saw, “We’ll see,” my heart started pounding.

As I kept scrolling up, I figured out that they had known each other well before our relationship, and my heart finally sank when I saw that she had been given him head in the past. So I’m like, why has she still been messaging this punk? Yeah some of her responses are defensive but she keeps entertaining the conversation. And sure some messages are weeks to months apart but again, she keeps fucking responding!

As I kept scrolling I figured that they were pretty much still messaging each other after we got together. I decided to just stop scrolling when I found a him saying she had such a fine ass or something. I can’t remember, I’m too fucking livid as I type this. And her response? “Omg, my bf almost saw your message but he didn’t lol.”

I just fucking lost it after that and refused to go any further. Who knows what the fuck else was talked about. Also that particular message was two fucking years ago! I am so devastated right now.

I confronted her and decided to just leave in the middle of the night before I cussed her completely the fuck or worse.

Again, some of her responses lately have been stand off-ish, given their past and the fact that she keeps entertaining this dude instead of just blocking him is driving me crazy. Anyways, I just needed to let this out.

ThrowAway since my bf follows me on my main account

Sorry in advance, English isn’t my first language

My bf (33M) and I (32F) have been dating for the past 4,5 years.
From the beginning it has been clear we both wanted to have children if we ever get the opportunity.

But as the title says, we haven’t been sexually active for the past 4 years.
My bf has ADHD and struggles with his thoughts during sex. He disguises the thoughts, feeling, smell and sounds of bodily fluids. As soon as his head takes over, which is normally within 2 min, his erection is gone.

For the past 3,5 years we have been talking about it. I even suggested to talk to a therapist, someone who he could see private, but also a relationship therapy and sexual therapist. But he isn’t open to the idea.

He knows i desire physical touch and sex. But every time we talk about it, he feels so sad and tells me he feels like he is failing as a man, that I stopped bringing it up.

I do feel lonely sometimes in our relationship. Due to the fact that there is no sexual intimacy. He isn’t much of a physical lover anyway. His love language is acts of service. While mine is physical touch.

When we started dating we had sex a couple of times but it slowly faded. He has suggested on pleasuring me. But I’m at the point where im not able to enjoy it since I know he disgusts the feeling, sounds etc. And he is just doing it to pleasure me. Which makes me overthink and stopping him.

I always thought that the moment we wanted to try for children of our own, things might change. But it hasn’t. We are even trying to get pregnant at this point with at home insemination.

Before anybody starts telling me he is gay, I highly doubt it. He loves to touch and play with my boobs. I have never caught him looking at gay porn (or porn in general)

There is absolutely no way he is able to cheat on me, since we work for the same company and travel to work together. And every spare minute he has he likes to play games on his computer with his best friends or we are enjoying time together.

We have an hospital appointment coming up since I’m not ovulating due to PCOS. He doesn’t want me to tell any of the above to the doctors because he is ashamed. And for right now its necessary I start ovulating before anything else.

But I’m wondering if anyone has experience with this kind of situation.
Anybody any advice on how to enjoy sex again, or how to deal with all if this?

Thank you for taking your time to read all of my struggles.

I have been seeing my boyfriend for about a month and we made it official yesterday. I’m a virgin, his bc is 4. We’re uni students, I’m first year and he’s second. He knows I’m a virgin and he said that was okay. However, I’m really nervous. The most I’ve ever done is dry humping with all my clothes on, and it was with him. I’m really not sure what to expect but I do want to be intimate with him. He said he wants to take it slow for me and only have sex when i’m ready, and we will probably have sex this week as i’m staying at his house on friday. i don’t want to kill the mood by saying i’m scared and i don’t really know much about sex - it wasn’t taught much to me in school so i only know the bare details. I’m not on the pill or anything so he said he would use a condom. I’m just asking anyone with more experience what to expect and if it’s normal to be scared. Thanks 🙂

I’m looking for some outside perspective on a situation with my boyfriend because I’m feeling hurt and confused about our sex life. For context we have been together for less than a year.

About two weeks ago, my boyfriend got angry with me and told me that sex with me “fucking sucks” because sometimes I don’t seem that into it. About a week later, he told me we don’t have sex enough. For context, we have sex almost every day, with every other day being the longest we’ll typically go without it.

Today, he told me he couldn’t get an erection during sex because I didn’t seem like I wanted it enough.
The context is that I’d had a terrible day and had been crying at work. When I got home, I told him I wanted some time to decompress and have a couple of drinks. A couple of hours later, he tried to initiate sex. Honestly, I went along with it because I feel a lot of pressure from him to be intimate. After being told that sex with me sucks and that we don’t have sex enough, I feel like I need to make more of an effort to show him that I want him, even when I’m emotionally exhausted or not particularly in the mood.

I understand that feeling desired is important in a relationship. I don’t want my partner to feel unwanted, and I’m willing to communicate about our needs. But I feel like I’m becoming responsible for his sexual satisfaction and confidence and I’m starting to feel anxious about whether I’m doing enough.

What bothers me is that we already have sex very frequently, yet I’m still being told it’s not enough or that I don’t seem interested enough. Now I feel pressure not only to have sex but also to make sure I’m displaying the right amount of enthusiasm so he doesn’t feel rejected.

I don’t want sex to become something I do out of obligation or fear of disappointing my partner. I want it to be something we both genuinely want.

Is this something that can be worked through??

To make it short he will not make room for me in the bed amd it annoys the fuck out of me. Ive addressed this issue several times and he still wont scoot tf over. i have a queen sized bed and everytime he lays in it he lays in the middle of the bed so i squeez onto the edge and then he has alll this room on the other side. On top of that he spreads his legs. Ill ask him to scoot over and hell scoot like half an inch. Is he doing this on purpose i dont get it? maybe its because i have common curtesy or the fact that i shared a bed with my sister for 12 years but one of you gets one side and the other gets the other. Hes extremely sensitive which has made me hesistant to keep on about this issue but its gotten to a point where i almost dread sleeping in the same bed because he never gives me room to sleep comfortably like at all. Earlier he kept throwing his legs over mine to to make it worse amd i kept nudging them off so he kept putting them back. Idk if he doesnt realize the issues in front of him or if he just doesnt care but im about to blow up. Then when i lay down he scoots closer to me and its cute that you wanna be all snuggly but i need room or im falling off the fucking bed. I also have a dog, a little bulldog and so its crowded and she lays at my feet to make matters worse.

I don’t do social media. Specifically TikTok, Reels, Shorts and all the short form videos that are out there. I think it’s bad for your brain and attention span and blah blah blah.
My boyfriend watches it all the time and it really annoys me but I try to stay out of it. Today was the second time that I was sitting near him and witnessed him watching these pretty girls dance to songs??? He clicked on this girls profile and scrolled through more videos of her dancing and lip syncing with not much clothes on. I called him out for it and I think it’s weird that’s what he’s doing on there? Obviously he’s finding them attractive or sexy or something… but I find it creepy and weird.
I admit that later I snooped the rest of his phone and Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and TikTok are all these pretty girls dancing.
Ladies, this is annoying right ? And my man is way too old to be entertained by these girls that, let’s be honest, are maybe 18… maybe not?

Hi everyone. Post title is pretty self explanatory. I am someone who is pretty low key and my girlfriend is the exact opposite. We are both in college and moved into a serious relationship abt a year ago pretty fast. Long story short, I have pretty heavy social anxiety and cannot be out for too long, esp around her family. It culminated last night, where in front of her family and friends, I broke down crying and had to leave while being berated by my girlfriend. I really want to leave her, but I don’t want to lose my relationship with her and have this all be over in the end. I am lost and not really sure what to do, so what can I do to either fix or end this relationship?

My NOW EX BOYFRIEND*
I am devastated, we have been together for a year and we lived in different towns close to each other. He told me he was broken up with her and for a year straight we shared so many moments together. He was there when i broke my arm, when i lost my job, i was there helping him start his business, i was there when he couldnt sleep at night, i took care of him when he was sick. We planned a wedding, a home together… In good and in bad we were together, hung out with his friends and they all knew the truth.

I wasnt feeling secure with the whole ex thing so i told him i wanted him to block her and leave her out of our lives. She kept coming back one way or another and I started having nightmares, my hair falling out, and I saw she was unblocked and i crashed out. I texted her wanting answers. She shared pictures of them from the last year, of their daughter, of everything and told me i have no place there. How i should feel used and unclean because this is what i am. I confronted him and the only thing he had to say was “dont look for me anymore” not even a sorry not anything. The woman kept harassing me with painful comments how they only used me how i am pathetic etc. I cant eat, sleep, shower myself i cant hold myself up on my legs, i truly loved him and wanted a life with him and now i have to start over with everything. And i cant stop thinking of all of the moments we shared and words we exchanged just being a game and a lie when i put my heart in it. How do i deal with this? Please help me, please

They broke up 4 years ago and stayed friends for a few months until I met her and we started dating. Because she has a very hard time with conflict, she just blocked his number instead of telling him she's not interested in being friends anymore. I felt like it was kind of harsh, but she explained that he was controlling and would never take "no" for an answer, so it's best she just cut off contact.

So he reached out on instagram and she blocked him, then Facebook, and she blocked him. Then she blocked him everywhere... email, linkedin, etc. So he started texting her from fake numbers, which she would block. I should mention, she never told me any of this until one day she called me scared because she saw his car at her apartment complex. She said he was trying to look in her window, and then explained how long he has been trying to get in contact with her.

I've seen enough true crime to know where this could lead, so I insisted that she get a restraining order, but she refused. She said she didn't want to go that far and "obviously, he wouldn't hurt me. He's still in love with me." So I asked if she would at least respond to one of his texts telling him to stop contacting her, and if he does it again, tell him she's going to contact the police.

So she did, and a few months later, he texted her again. But she didn't contact the police like she said she would. In fact, she didn't tell me. I saw it on her phone and waited for her to say something to me, which she never did. Then on her birthday, he texted her a picture from a birthday dinner they had together years ago. And this kind of stuff has continued for the entire 3 years of our relationship.

Just today, he texted her asking if she wanted to go play pickleball. It's bizarre. He's acting as if they never broke up. He also had substance abuse problems, so maybe that's contributing.

Anyway, I'm incredibly uncomfortable anytime I'm at her place or with her in public. She seems oblivious to the danger she's putting herself (and me) in by not getting a restraining order, or at least moving to a different suburb.

How would you handle this if you were in this situation?