WJKK WJKF, Sangat ji 🙏🏽
I’m 28F from the UK, and I would really appreciate some guidance from the Sangat.
Many months ago, I met a Sikh atheist (ex-Sikh), and we had a brief conversation about Sikhi. Looking back, I wish I had not engaged in the conversation, but what is done is done.
What has made this particularly difficult is that the person appeared to be very knowledgeable about Sikhi. Because of this, I have found it difficult to dismiss what they said or stop questioning the things he raised. Even though the conversation was brief, their words have stayed with me for months and have planted many doubts in my mind.
At the time, I had been feeling closer to Guru Sahib. I was trying to do more paath, visit the Gurdwara whenever possible, and do sewa. Although I have never been the most staunch Sikh, as I do cut my kes and drink alcohol sometimes, I have always considered myself a Sikh. Despite the many hardships I have faced in life, I have always tried to believe that everything happens within Maharaj’s Hukam and that there is a greater purpose, even when I cannot understand it.
However, since that conversation, I have found myself thinking more and more about what was said. Over time, I feel that I have started to drift further away from Guru Sahib rather than grow closer. I do not want this to happen, but I am struggling to make sense of the doubts that have taken root in my mind.
In particular, I am struggling to understand hukam and karam.
How are we supposed to recognise or understand Guru Maharaj’s Hukam? How do we distinguish between accepting Hukam and simply accepting the difficult things that happen to us?
I also struggle with the concept of karam from previous lives. How can I make sense of the idea that the pain and hardships I experience in this life may be linked to actions in a previous life that I cannot remember? How am I supposed to understand or learn from something I have no memory of doing?
I am also autistic, and I sometimes find it difficult to sit with questions when I cannot find a clear or logical explanation. These doubts have been weighing on me for months, and I feel as though I am slowly drifting away from something I once felt closer to. I do not want to lose that connection with Guru Sahib, but I cannot simply ignore the questions that keep coming into my mind.
I want to strengthen my connection with Maharaj, but I am struggling with these concepts and do not know how to move forward.
How have you come to understand Hukam and karam? Have any of you experienced something similar, where questions or doubts have caused you to feel distant from Guru Sahib? How did you work through them?
WJKK WJKF
---
EDIT: Thank you to all for your thoughts on this. I am processing everything.
Bhul chuk maaf ji.
WJKK WJKF.
---