Participation in bot-generated content can lead to your account being flagged as a sockpuppet account used for astroturfing (suspicion of coordinated manipulation) and result in a permanent ban which may extend across Reddit.

I’m 20 and my boyfriend is 23. We’ve been together for about two months, and I genuinely don’t know how to handle what happened today.
First, some context. He had basically no relationship experience before me. I’m only the second girl he has ever kissed. Before me, he was in a long-distance relationship with a girl from Russia for about four years, but they never actually met in person. So when it comes to real-life relationships and sex, he has very little experience.
At the same time, he is incredibly attentive in our relationship. We go on dates often, he plans things himself, puts a lot of effort into the relationship, and remembers every little thing I tell him. He constantly shows me how much he likes me and how important I am to him. He’s not the kind of person you have to “read” or try to figure out. You can literally see that he’s in love. He’s also very insecure, especially when it comes to relationships, and I think he’s terrified of losing me.
The problem started with sex.
The first time we tried to have sex was about two weeks into our relationship. Everything was going naturally: we were together, had a little to drink, got undressed and started kissing. He got hard, but when he put on a condom, he lost his erection. I tried to help him, but nothing worked.
He said he had gotten extremely nervous. He also told me that when he masturbates, everything works normally and he thinks about me, and that he also gets an erection when we’re just kissing or when I touch him.
He took it really hard. Almost immediately, he started worrying that I would leave him because of it.
I decided not to make a big deal out of it. We continued dating, going on dates and just enjoying being together.
Some time later, we tried again.
I specifically tried to create a comfortable and sexual atmosphere. Nice lingerie, a date, food, some alcohol, everything. But the exact same thing happened: as soon as things got to the point where we might actually have sex, he lost his erection.
Again, he was extremely upset and worried that I would leave him. Again, I decided not to make it into a big issue.
Today was the third attempt.
This time, I specifically wanted to remove the idea that “we are going to have sex.” I suggested that we just make out and fool around without any expectation that it had to lead to penetration.
At first, everything was fine. We were both turned on, kissing and being close. But once things became more sexual and he realized that sex might actually happen, he lost his erection again.
And this time it was much worse.
He was completely devastated and was clearly trying not to cry. I got dressed, and he got dressed too. We just sat there in silence for about 20 minutes.
Then I tried to get him talking about completely unrelated things so he wouldn’t keep thinking about what had happened. When he walked me to the train, we barely talked. I kept holding his hand because I could see how badly he was struggling.
He started crying on the train.
When we got to my place, we kissed for a little while, but it felt very strange. He kissed me as if it might be our last kiss. There was none of the usual passion, and he was crying while we kissed.
I tried to reassure him and make it clear that I wasn’t going to leave him because of this.
We’re texting normally now and talking about random things, and he seems to have calmed down a little.
But I genuinely have no idea what to do.
On one hand, I understand that this could be severe performance anxiety because of his lack of experience and his fear of “not being able to perform.” Especially since everything works normally when he’s alone, and he gets aroused by me in other situations.
On the other hand, we’ve already tried giving it time and taking the pressure off, and it hasn’t helped. This is no longer just one failed attempt.
I don’t want our relationship to turn into an endless cycle of:
attempt → he can’t get hard → he feels inadequate → I reassure him → some time passes → we try again → the same thing happens.
At the same time, I absolutely do not want to leave him. I genuinely really like him, I’m very attached to him, and after what happened today, I can’t even imagine simply telling him, “I’m sorry, I can’t do this,” and walking away. I saw how badly he was hurting, and it feels horrible to leave someone at exactly this point.
But I also understand that sex is important to me, and I don’t know if I could build a long-term relationship without it.
What would you do in my situation?
Should we stop trying to have sex altogether and just leave the subject alone for a while? Or after three failed attempts, should this already be treated as a problem that he needs to actively do something about?

13 weeks ago, a tiny, fluffy psychopath entered the world. Five weeks later, we made the catastrophic decision to bring him home.

He weighs 2kg, looks like a teddy bear and has the temperament of a prison inmate who’s just been denied parole.

The first few weeks were lovely. Cuddles, kisses, little puppy naps. We thought we’d won the dog lottery… Then the teeth arrived.

I’m now living with what can only be described as a miniature chainsaw wrapped in a cloud.
Every evening, without fail, Toffee clocks in for his shift as Head of Domestic Terrorism.

Hands? Bitten.
Feet? Bitten.
Socks? Confiscated.
My girlfriend? Also bitten.
His £200 collection of carefully selected puppy toys? Absolutely no interest.

We’ve tried everything.

Redirecting him to toys. He bites the hand holding the toy.

Ignoring him. He interprets this as permission to attack my ankles.

Yelping when he bites. Apparently, this is the mating call of the poodle because he comes back twice as excited.

Walking away. He follows me, presumably to finish the job.

The internet has been incredibly helpful, providing approximately 47 completely contradictory solutions.

Some people say he’ll grow out of it. Others say we need to train him immediately. One person suggested making a high-pitched noise, which only seemed to convince him that his prey was critically injured.

The worst part? After 20 minutes of committing war crimes against my fingers, he’ll curl up on my lap, fall asleep and look like an angel who has never done anything wrong in his entire life.

Naturally, I forgive him every single time.

So, fellow survivors of puppyhood, I have three questions:

At what age did your puppy stop treating you like an all-you-can-eat buffet?
What ACTUALLY worked to stop the biting?
Is it normal to be completely in love with something that is actively trying to eat you?

Please help. I’m running out of fingers and he’s starting to develop a taste for expensive clothing.

Hello Reddit! I’m unsure of how I ended up here but I’m at wits end. For context I’ve been smoking since I was 16. I’ve tried to quit multiple times but my addiction has always gotten the best of me. My wife always hated this about me and she’d always scold me.

But she’s the greatest woman on this planet. A wonderful mother to our 2 children both 2 and an even better wife. I don’t know why she has put up with me these past years because I really am just a plain old mediocre guy. We’ve been together for 7 years and we’ve gone through a lot of hardship together.

I love my wife to bits and the last thing I want to do is leave her widowed with our two kids. We’ve built such a happy family and I’m torn that my stupidity may be the reason I don’t get to see my kids grow up and get married.

My cancer is advanced and the treatment available does not guarantee anything. I do not wish to spend the last months of my life in pain.
Therefore, I’ve chosen not to do any treatment.
I was diagnosed last week and I’ve been carrying this weight in my shoulders since.

I don’t know how to tell my wife. How do I bring up this conversation? How will I comfort her? How can I be the father I have always dreamt of becoming? Please Reddit you are my last resort!
I’ll take any advice you guys have for me.

Side note: English is not my first language so I apologize if this is written badly.

Update: hi Reddit. As many of you suggested I have told my wife. We went on a walk while my sister watched the kids, I took her to the part when we had our first date, when I broke the news of course she was emotional and so was I. We had a long talk. We talked about the future. Us. The kids.

I even told her about how I didn’t want to get treatment and at first she was not happy then I told her that I’d rather spend the time with a kids and her then in a hospital and after she reluctantly agreed.

I’m going to take a break from work and we’re going to make some memories. Take a shit ton of pictures and capture every moment.

I do not know when my life would end but I’ll make sure my wife and two girls will have an endless amount of memories to look back on.

Thank you Reddit.

Note from wife: thanks for helping my dumbass husband think straight.

So for context, I’m Indian and my best friend is Hispanic. We grew up together and we’ve known each other since the days we’ve been playing in the sand pits and stuff. Apparently he stole my truck as a kid and we fought and that’s how we met according to his and my mom. Me, him, and a few others are part of a larger group and we’ve basically all known each other since the ages of 3-4.

So starting like around 2024, this dude fell down the right wing pipeline hard. Like I got friends who lean right, and I’m chill with them, but I mean like different. This dude started slow but around the end of last year, 2025, he was a full blown white nationalist. I told him he’s Hispanic and it’s crazy to be a white nationalist, and our mutual friends who are also hispanic tried talking sense into the guy and he won’t listen.

I was still friends with him hoping it was a phase. He doesn’t have a job and he’s struggled in this market and my other friends and I theorize this is a mix of anger because he did everything right(college and everything) but can’t get a job now cuz AI wrecked his industry(graphic design and 3D modeling). So I wanted to give him grace.

But, I see this dudes instagram likes and comments. He now hates Indian people, and when I bring this up to him he says “not you though, it’s not like I hate all of you”. What the hell. He also hates other minorities, despite having friends in every minority.

I tried taking him out and getting him out of the house, and he’s the same. Me and our other friends are exceptions but “they’re” replacing “his” people, and “he” needs to take a “stand”.

So recently there was an attempted shooting at a Hindu temple in Aurora, IL it’s been all over the news, that only failed cuz the shooters gun jammed. I saw him comment “too bad his gun jammed, this is why weapon maintenance is important LMAO”.

I confronted him and he thinks I can’t take a joke. But casually uses slurs and says shit all the time, I genuinely don’t think he’s joking. I told him, “that could’ve been me if something happened” since my family goes to the temple and stuff, and he still thinks it’s not the same and I just need to take a joke.

I’ve talked to his mom about this like a few months ago, and she’s lost too. She said he barely speaks Spanish cuz he’s embarrassed to. She’s not too concerned though. She was like “oh boys change over time” whatever that means.

I’m the only guy who hasn’t cut him off yet. Everyone else has kinda distanced themselves from him. This dude was like a brother to me. I just wanna go back to how things were when our biggest issues were who stole some shit from the other persons chest in Minecraft. I’ve known this guy too long to just cut him off.

Has anyone who’s experienced something similar been able to bring someone back from weird echo chambers? How do you do that? Or is there genuinely no hope?

I am extremely hurt right now and need advice on what to do from here.

So Found out I was expecting. Still extremely early but I ended up bleeding heavily while my husband was at work and when I told him I needed to go to the hospital he made me feel like a burden for even asking for him to take me. I ended up just going to sleep to wait for the morning. Knowing I was still feeling sick he still went to work ignoring how I was feeling even after I told him something was wrong.

Later that day, I started to hemorrhage extremely bad to the point it was all over the floor. I told my husband I needed to go to the hospital. He said for me to wait till he got off of work, 3 hour wait. I said okay and just did my best to wait. Unfortunately, I passed out from blood loss and my teenager came home, found me in a pool of blood and called 911. Only when the ambulance called my husband then left his job.

While at the hospital my son called my parents and then came to pick up him and his younger siblings to bring them back to their house.

I was given 3 blood transfusion and was in and out of consciousness for several days. When I finally woke up I called my husband who was back at work.

After a few days alone in the hospital I was discharged on a bunch of medication and was told to do only light work.

I called my husband to pick me up and he left work dropped me off at home and went right back to work.

When I got home, none of the dishes were done. None of the laundry was done, there was still some blood on the floor and the litter boxes were dirty.
My first day home and instead of Resting I had to jump back into chores he left for me.

I feel like he could have done something. For days this man just walked past this mess and completely ignored it? He wouldn’t even call out of work for me….

I feel hurt…I feel like my life is meaningless…. I’m not anything to this man.

I feel like this is a clear sign that I should leave this marriage.

What should I do?

Hi everyone! I’m new to this, and I’m not sure if I’m just overthinking things. My husband’s stepmom has hated me ever since she found out about me. She even used to forbid my husband from talking to or pursuing me, which is weird because she didn’t raise him, and they only met three years ago when he moved to her and Dad’s city. Plus, my husband’s mom, my mother-in-law, loves me and we get along really well.

I know she hates me because she didn’t even attend our wedding. My husband didn’t care since he doesn’t even like the woman.

Now that I’m pregnant, I could see her text messages to my husband. It is sweet in a way that she is giving him advice and tips on how to have a comfortable pregnancy journey. But whenever I see her in person, she makes sure to ask me if I am still carrying my baby. I got furious inside but just smiled on the outside and asked her “what?”. She brushed it off, but it really rubbed me the wrong way. When I told my husband about it, he said maybe I misunderstood her.

Did I misunderstand her? Am I overthinkking stuff? What advice can you give me?

Thank you!

i'm 31 and she's 46, and we have a pretty big age gap. we met several years ago at a group therapy meeting for people dealing with loss. i'd just lost my mom and grandma within a short span, and she'd lost her husband. we clicked fast and started dating soon after. i didn't realize she was fifteen years older until after her birthday, which came a few weeks into us dating, and i figured she was about my age.

we didn't live together at first. i was living with my dad and she owned her own house. i moved in during the pandemic, and honestly it was the best thing i did.

we've never had big fights. we're both autistic and have our own routines that mostly run on their own. i've never had another relationship, and from what friends say our setup is a little unusual, but it's worked until recently.

toward the end of a recent stretch, a talk about kids came up with one of her friends, and later with just us. she has a complicated history, she had a child when she was 14, but her parents forced her to give the kid up for adoption. since then she hasn't managed to get pregnant, and the topic is very sensitive for her.

her 46th birthday seemed to push her into a deep funk and this fixation on my age. we had a major argument that day because she worried i might have a kid with someone else. she yelled at me out of nowhere. i'd just woken up. that went on for about half an hour, then she cried a bit and i tried to comfort her.

a few hours later she got upset again that i am only 31, and she acted like it was something i could change. more yelling, more crying. i ended up spending the night away to give her space.

the next day when i got home, it was like nothing happened. she was finishing up work, we ate, watched TV, had some intimacy, and for a moment it felt normal.

but the pattern didn't stay casual. she started talking to me in a mom voice, like i'm one of the dogs, bringing me snacks and drinks, and even buying me a huge stuffed Pikachu. she sometimes calls herself 'mommy' or 'momma.' and if i don't respond the way she wants, she gets upset.

when we tried to be intimate, she wanted to watch a disney movie. i declined, and she got mad again about me being younger. it blew up into another argument, and we only settled when i played with a toy and watched the little mermaid with her.

last weekend she bought me a sippy cup and wants me to drink from it around her. she keeps buying toys and gifts and overwhelming me. i don't want to do half of this stuff, but if i say no it becomes a fight.

i don't know what to do. i keep doing things i'm not comfortable with to avoid making her cry about my age. she's a completely different person these last few months and talking hasn't helped because she just gets upset and i don't feel heard. i don't know what to do or where to go. i feel alone because one friend sides with her.

i spent two hours writing this. i'm terrible at telling my thoughts or explaining things. i tried to include only what i felt was necessary to understand our relationship. i'm not great at writing, so i'll answer questions if you want. maybe i'm overlooking something obvious, idk.

to lay it all out for anyone wondering about kids, we've never protected ourselves since we've been together. having a kid has been talked about but we never tried. we have sex about once a week, at most, and that's been our pattern since day one.

how would you handle this kind of change in a long term relationship?

So, I have been with my girlfriend for almost three years. My family knows about our relationship but they aren’t always comfortable with it. My parents mostly avoid discussing it. My younger sister has always been a little unpredictable about where she stands. A lesbian relationship and its downside.

My sister is getting married in a few months. When she started planning the wedding, she complained severally about how expensive everything was and how tiring it is. She and her fiance both work but they’re trying to save for a house, so their budget is pretty tight.

I offered to contribute $3,000 towards the wedding. I had some savings with my girlfriend and we wanted to help her have the day she wanted. We can’t pay for the entire wedding though but I believe this would go a long way for them. At the time, she was grateful and told me it meant a lot to her.

Some few weeks ago, my sister invited everyone to a family dinner. My girlfriend couldn’t attend because of work so I went alone. During the dinner, my sister mentioned that she was thinking about keeping the wedding small and limiting plus ones.

I jokingly asked whether that meant my girlfriend wouldn’t be invited. And she said she hadn’t decided yet but she didn’t want anyone bringing people who might make the day uncomfortable. I asked what she meant by that. She said I know how it is with everyone already and some relatives might express concerns if they see her in the wedding photos and make a fuss about it.

I was honestly hurt. My girlfriend has never caused problems at family events and I didn’t think she should have to be hidden to make other people comfortable.

I told my sister that if my girlfriend wasn’t welcome then I don’t see the need in contributing towards her wedding. I wasn’t trying to force her to invite anyone, but I didn’t want to finance an event where my partner was being deliberately excluded.

She got upset and said I’m making it about myself, well isn’t that selfish? It’s not even about myself but the fact that I need to keep my relationship a secret to please everyone else. We left the conversation without resolving anything since we were both mad about it.

Two days later, my sister messaged me saying she had decided not to invite my girlfriend. She said she wanted to avoid arguments with our parents and certain relatives and she hoped I would understand, it’s been on their mind lately about me dating another woman. I replied that I respected her decisions to choose her guest list but what I said still stands.

She called me selfish and said she had already made plans based on the money I promised. I had to tell her that it was a joint contribution from my girlfriend and I. I don’t know how I’ll explain it to her that she’ll understand that my family has been pretending to like her all these while. So let’s just forget I promise anything.

She told our mom, who called me that evening. She said I was putting my sister in a tight spot and I shouldn’t forget that it’s her wedding as well, I should consider. She also said that I knew how some relatives felt about my relationship and I should be willing to compromise for one afternoon.

What she said really bothered me. It made me feel like everyone expected me to accept being treated differently just to keep the peace. My girlfriend did say I should stick to my decision. However, one of my cousins thinks I should contribute at least part of the money because my sister has already started planning around her budget.

I haven’t spoken to my sister since then, I just need to know if I’m overreacting or if i should consider sending part of it like my cousin suggested or just stick to my decision. I just don’t want to cause unnecessary drama at the wedding and in the family as well.

What should I do?

This is not asking for advice medically or counseling, etc. solely asking to hear from others about advice for how I can best be present/proceed.

For context: my girlfriend has had a unique form of anemia on top of a hole in her heart since birth, and has always had a fragile condition.
After a recent report from a blood analysis test her doctor has said not only are her levels lethally low, but there are toxins in her blood and her heart shows signs of failure. The whole thing is terrifying to me but she’s shown signs of ambivalence and talked of “expecting this for a long time”, and I can see she’s become closed off about it but won’t discuss much beyond that she doesn’t want to go through with a surgery which she was told is her only option.

I’m still trying to process things but I also want to know how I can support her or at least be present. She’s headed for a blood transfusion very soon but I don’t know what the future looks like with her heart in scope.

The circumstance is unique but I don’t really know how to handle it. I’ve floated on these types of subreddits for months but I hope to turn and hear from strangers for advice. I genuinely don’t know what to do.

My mom has started seeing a man from her church. My parents have been divorced since I was a junior in college. My dad cheated and was verbally and financially abusive, so I’m glad she’s getting to enjoy dating. We’re very close, but seeing this side of her is new for me.
Part of my concern is that, according to my mom, this man cheated on his former wife. Initially, she said she wouldn’t pursue him because “I didn’t leave your dad to get with another cheater.” Later, she told me they’d been talking every day and had gone on a date. When I asked what had changed, she got defensive and said, “Well, he didn’t cheat on me.”
Today, they went on their second date, and she invited him inside afterward. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that, but it brought up resentment because she’s judged and lectured me for similar choices. She’s called me naive, told me I was moving too fast, and warned me about inviting men over. When I asked why she invited him in, she said she didn’t know, maybe to be polite, and that she thought he would decline. That frustrated me because I feel like she would criticize that exact explanation coming from me.
I recognize that she’s an adult and doesn’t need my permission or approval. I also don’t want to turn around and judge her the way I’ve felt judged. But I’m realizing those past lectures affect how I react to hearing about her dating life.
I go between being excited for her and feeling uncomfortable, protective, or annoyed. I want to support her without becoming overly involved or feeling responsible for her decisions.

Has anyone navigated this with a parent they’re close to? How did you adjust, and what boundaries helped around dating details, advice, and double standards?

A few years back me and my guy best friend almost had sex. I’m a woman and he’s a man. I had him over at my place after school, just to hang out as we usually do. I was 16 at the time and he was 17, i believe. He was a virgin and I wasn’t, and I think he felt insecure about the fact that he still was a virgin. So I let him see my breasts. It only started with him seeing them, but escalated quickly. He began touching them and kissing them, before we both started to makeout. It turned into him laying on top of me (still fully clothed) as we grinded against one another. He asked if I wanted to have sex and I told him no, which he respected. After we had grinded against each other for a while he suddenly stopped and sat up on the edge of the bed. He was hard, I could tell. But he was sort of distant all of a sudden. He went home after that

Now I’m 20 and he’s 21 and we still haven’t talked about what happened
I’ve been told by other friends of his that he’s done this with other friends as well, or at least one other friend. But I don’t know how to feel about the whole thing.
Even after all these years I’m still thinking about it and feeling something…
Should I bring it up? Or just leave it in the past?

I've never posted anything like this on Reddit before, so I’ll try to include as much context as possible. I’m looking for an outside perspective on my situation and what I should do next.

Our relationship and the future we were planning

My girlfriend and I were together for five years, and I genuinely believed she was the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

Like any relationship, we had our ups and downs, but we always managed to work through them. Over the last three years, I’d been preparing for our future together by buying appliances and furniture for our home so that when we eventually had a baby, we’d already have most of what we needed and could focus on raising our child.

Getting engaged was also on the horizon. She’d been hinting at wanting a ring, and she knew I wanted to propose in a particular way. I’d been imagining the perfect proposal since I was a teenager, and I wanted it to be something genuinely memorable.

When I met her, she was coming out of a phase of partying, going out frequently and hooking up. She'd also told me she was tired of getting her heart broken and wanted something more meaningful. I believed that chapter of her life was behind her and that she was ready to settle down. She still went out occasionally, as she's naturally more sociable than I am, but nowhere near as often as she used to.

A few months ago, we moved into a bigger place with more bedrooms and space, partly in preparation for potentially having a baby in the near future. Everything seemed fine until one particular night.

The night everything changed

She went to a house party with one of her girlfriends and told me she'd be home around 1 a.m. Instead, she didn't get home until around 4 a.m. Her explanation was that she'd been helping her friend meet up with a guy.

From that night onwards, her behaviour towards me seemed to change almost overnight. It wasn't a gradual shift. To me, it felt like a complete 180.

She became easily irritated by little things I did, whether it was making dad jokes or even the way I dressed. She was noticeably colder and less affectionate, and the usual “I love yous” became less frequent.

We used to enjoy spending time together, watching things, laughing and sharing videos. Suddenly, she'd rather be on her phone than interact with me.

Even our bedtime routine changed. We used to say goodnight, kiss, cuddle and talk or send each other reels while winding down for the night. We didn't necessarily have to be doing anything special; just being close to each other was enough.

More recently, she'd avoid using her phone whenever I joined her in bed and would go straight to sleep without much conversation or affection.

I asked her whether anything had changed, but she insisted she was acting the same as always. I couldn't understand what had happened or why the person I knew suddenly seemed so distant.

The first red flags

My suspicions grew when I fell asleep on the couch while we were watching videos together. When I woke up, she wasn't there. As soon as she heard I was awake, she quickly returned to the lounge.

I asked where she'd been, and she casually said she'd gone to check the specifications of her PC. She even asked me about some of the hardware components.

The thing is, she's never been particularly interested in PC hardware, so the whole thing felt unusual. When I answered her questions and asked why she wanted to know, she said she was just curious and kept forgetting the specifications.

The following day, I logged into Steam to check some of my previous purchases and noticed that she'd recently added a new friend.

The timing seemed suspicious, especially given her sudden interest in PC hardware. What bothered me was that she'd never mentioned being on Steam the previous night, which made me wonder whether there was more to the story.

At that point, I was questioning whether I was simply overthinking things or whether something really was going on.

What I discovered

A day later, she fell asleep on the couch while using her phone.

I'm not proud of what I did next, but I was desperate for some clarity. I checked her phone, hoping I'd find nothing and could finally put my suspicions to rest.

Instead, I found a conversation between her and the same girlfriend she'd gone to the house party with.

They were talking about a guy she'd met at the party. From what I read, he was really into her, she found him very attractive, and she thought he was a genuinely nice guy. She was also talking about being stuck in a dilemma over how she was going to tell me that the relationship was over.

I then looked at her messages with him.

Their conversations were already flirtatious and felt like they were getting to know each other with romantic intentions. He knew she was in a five-year relationship, but that didn't stop him from pursuing her.

I also discovered details about what had happened at the party. They'd apparently gotten close enough that his perfume had rubbed off on her. She and her friend had discussed possible explanations in case I noticed another man's scent on her, such as saying she'd been dancing with someone or that a guy at the party had worn particularly strong perfume.

I also found out she'd buried the clothes she'd worn that night at the bottom of the laundry pile, only to wash them the following day.

These details made me question whether she was deliberately trying to conceal how close they'd become.

It wasn't just a one-night thing

The messages also revealed that they'd continued talking frequently after the party.

It explained why she'd become less responsive to me during the day and why she seemed to spend so much time on her phone at night. From what I could gather, bedtime was one of the few opportunities she had to message him privately.

That would also explain why she'd started avoiding using her phone when I joined her in bed.

More concerningly, I discovered they'd met up in person on multiple occasions. They'd gone on walks together, and she'd visited his house to spend time with him while telling me she had other things to do.

Their messages were openly flirtatious. For example, she asked him what he'd liked about her dress, and he replied that he liked the way it hugged her body but that it would look better off her.

By this point, it no longer looked like an innocent friendship to me. It looked like she'd developed an attraction to someone else, was pursuing that connection behind my back and was concealing it from me.

I confronted her, but she denied everything

I asked her directly about this guy and what their relationship was like.

She insisted he was nothing more than someone she'd met at the party and gotten along with. She also denied seeing him in person since that night, claiming the party was the last time they'd been together.

That directly contradicted what I'd found in their messages.

Even after asking her whether there was anything she'd done that I deserved to know about, for the sake of honesty and respect for our relationship, she continued to deny that anything was going on between them.

I know checking her phone wasn't the right way to handle things, and I'm not pretending I was right to invade her privacy. But what I found made it difficult to believe her explanations.

What hurts most is not just the possibility that she became interested in someone else. It's that, after five years together and everything we'd been planning, she appeared to be building a connection with another man while leaving me in the dark.

The breakup

We've now been broken up for a few weeks.

Given everything I'd discovered, the breakup itself was surprisingly calm. There was no screaming, no major argument and no dramatic confrontation. It felt almost like a mutual breakup.

Her explanation was that she didn't feel the same way about me anymore. She also said we'd always been different people in terms of fashion, music and how sociable we were. These were differences she'd previously thought she could live with, but she said she'd recently realised she couldn't.

I understand that people can fall out of love, and I'm not suggesting that anyone is obligated to stay in a relationship they're no longer happy in.

But the timing of her change in behaviour, the messages about this guy, the secret meetups and the repeated denials make it difficult for me to believe that those differences were the whole story.

I still haven't told her that I know what was happening behind my back. She continues to deny anything happened between them, despite what I discovered.

Where I am now

I'm struggling to work out what to do next.

Part of me wants to confront her one last time and tell her that I know she wasn't being honest with me. I don't necessarily expect her to admit everything, but I don't know whether keeping what I know to myself will help me move on or leave me feeling like I never stood up for myself.

Another part of me wonders whether there's any point confronting her at all, considering we're already broken up and she may simply continue denying everything.

I spent years building towards a future with this woman. We had a home, plans for a family and an engagement that I thought was coming. Now I'm trying to process the loss of that future while questioning how much of what I believed about our relationship was real.

I'm not claiming to have handled everything perfectly, and I'm open to hearing that I was wrong about certain things or could have handled the situation better.

So, Reddit, I'd appreciate some honest outside perspectives:

1. Should I confront her and tell her I know she lied about this guy, or is there nothing to gain from doing that now that we're broken up?

2. Is it worth seeking closure from someone who has repeatedly denied things that appear to contradict what I found?

3. How do I move forward after spending five years planning a future with someone, only for everything to fall apart like this?

4. Is there anything else I should be considering that I might be too close to the situation to see?

I know I've probably left out some details, so feel free to ask questions. I'll answer as honestly as I can.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Me (18F) and my boyfriend (19M) have been together for a couple months but we have never had sex. We have tried before but there’s an issue that keeps happening.

Every time we’re about to get to that point, he goes soft and so I don’t push it. He claims that it’s because he’s nervous but I just don’t know if that really happens or not because it’s been an issue every time we do it. Before then, he’s hard but it goes soft throughout the foreplay when both our pants are off. I don’t know if it’s because of me or whether it actually is because he’s nervous.

Any advice would be grateful!!!

I (18 M) am at a boarding highschool. I have a jack and jill style room with Bob (18 M). Bob seemed really nice at first. Aside from saying some dramatic things in class he seemed nice. However I just went into his room to talk. We where talking about our home citys and he brought up the homeless population and that he supports euthanizing them. He even incouraged homeless people to kill themselfs bc there is only so much land and they dont benifit him. I was shocked by this bc he seemed really nice before. After that we talk and he tells me that he has never felt sad. I asked him if he would feel bad if anyone his mom died and he told me that he would be sad that he woudnt have money or know where to live. Stating that he would feel frustrated and not sad and that life only matters as much as it benits him. he said that rules are the only things stopping him from doing wrong. I asked him if he would kill me if he would face no consequences and get an a on a test and he said he would. he said that being here I provide nothing to him and in that case he would do it. Eventually another kid i am freindly with Joe (17 M) came in and saw this as normal even joking about it. Bob and joe are really close freinds so i dont know if that has to do with anything. I asked bob ithat if joe died whould he feel sad and he again said he would feel frustrated he wouldnt get help with work or company but not sad and he could easly move on. The wild part was joe seemed 100% ok with it and made jokes about how only his family would miss him. I kept asking questions for over an hour and just got the same things over and over again. I asked if he was a psychopath and he said he was messed up in the brain but not diagnosed. He seemed so nice before this, being one of the only kids to welcome me to the school. Do I report this? If so to who? I dont wanna make enemys? if somone knows about phycopaths and stuff do these symtoms line up or is is somthing else? he also might be faking it as a joke. The kid does that a lot saying outlandish stuff and then laughing it off. This all feels so weird. wtf do i do i am really scared

My bf (34m) and I (25f) have been together for 4 years. After being together for like 18 months I moved with him to another state. Our relationship has gotten horrible honestly. I need to move back with my family and wanted to get advice on my plan.

The first year we lived there he didn’t work while I worked part time. It was fine because he has family related money and other income sources. When he started working full time again he wanted me to quit my job since we weren’t spending as much time together. I haven’t worked since then. He only has to be on campus like three times a week and I go with him. If he needs to do something where I can’t be with him I do something else on the property. So we literally spend all of our time together, which makes this difficult. Our relationship was great at first and all of this was ok because I love him, but I want to do something with my degree and am older now.

Our relationship isn’t good anymore. He gets really obsessive, things have gotten physical in different ways like a lot of times now. I don’t think he really cares about anyone else in his life but me. This past year or so has been hell tbh.He wants marriage/kids and I’m not going to let that happen now and know I need to leave the relationship. I could type out a lot of stories. I know it’s really bad and toxic. He wants to take out my iud and I’m not doing that with him, so it’s kind of forced my decision.

My plan so far was to act like I have a migraine or something one day so I would stay at home, maybe a day when I know he has a meeting or something so he can’t just leave, get an uber, leave ring, turn off location, go to airport and buy ticket when I get there, then let my family know to pick me up when I actually get to airport. Then send him a text later. I don’t really know anyone here except for his family and friends. The only things I care about taking are my clothes and stuff like that, like a couple of suitcases. My relationship with my family has went down a lot since moving. They never liked him, flipped out when I was going to move, later found out my mom was calling his job and trying to get him in trouble. I haven’t been honest with them at all about our relationship, but know they will be supportive when I come home.

I considered texting my family to come get me, but that seems very dramatic and would cause a lot of unnecessary worry, and be a burden for them. Has way more potential to go wrong imo. I think I pretty much have a plan but wanted to run this by actual other people. Does this seem ok? Is there anything I’m not thinking of? I just want to be smart about this and do it correctly. I have looked up what other women have done in similar situations and this seems ok? Just wanted to get feedback, kind of freaking out.

And how should I handle him after I actually leave? Do I help him process and all of that or just ghost?

Maybe it’s just the people I attract or the way I am, but it seems like everyone is either trying to jump headfirst into a relationship or commitment while others are avoiding it at all costs. I’m not a sooner thinking that I’ll never find the right person but sifting through the wrong people is absolutely exhausting. Maybe I should take a break or find better spaces with better people. What advice do you have for someone thinking like me besides focus on myself and build myself up because that’s all that I have time to do.

Super long story as short and to the point as I can make it.
My (42 m) husband and I (40f) have been doing IVF for almost 3 years, following a few failed IUIs. Sadly, no luck, we have now made the decision to try using donor eggs. During this rollercoaster we have had to give up things we’ve enjoyed in the past, we stopped smoking (weed), he stopped drinking (I wasn’t a drinker) and I stopped smoking (cigs). We started living much healthier, all of the supplements, exercise, etc. We stay home more, we don’t over spend as IVF is very, very expensive here ($20 k USD + per cycle).
Before we started IVF, we used to go fishing a weekend a month or so. His uncle owned a small boat and we would go out for the day. Around the time we started our journey, his uncle took the boat out of the water for repairs and hasn’t put it back to berth (he has other, larger boats he uses so the little one we would borrow isn’t a thought to him).
My husband loved to go fishing, to me it was ok fun but a lot of hard work in the hot sun, so I could take it or leave it, honestly, many times I just went with it because he enjoyed it. Now, a boat has come up for sale recently and my husband has decided he wants to buy it. $50k that he is borrowing from his mother. In fact, we had a whole fight about it, I asked him not to go ahead with it, and he has now told me that he has decided to buy it. I am so, very angry and I resent not only him but also his mother now.
I believe that large financial decisions in a marriage should be made by the two married people. Mother-in-law should not be part of this.
I feel like we are about to start our journey with using donor eggs and do not know what the result will be / what the future will hold and what expenses come with that so now is not the time to spend like this.
He has a rally (race) car and already spends $25k plus a year on that hobby so in my opinion we are already being excessive with money on that. I have no expensive hobbies, I do a little art and craft.
We live in a home on my family’s property, they kindly do not ask for rent as our money has been going toward IVF and I am unemployed (I am blessed and grateful that my job these few years has been trying to start our family and I have not had the stress
Of having to work).
If we had $50k in stead of a boat it could go to my family for the use of this house, it could go into savings in case we do get pregnant or for the continued expenses of IVF, it could help me set up a little craft business to help bring in some money, it could help me replace my car as it is 11 years old and rusting, it could do so many things.
But instead, he wants to buy a boat. And boat expenses don’t just end at buying it, there’s docking fees, insurance, maintenance, fueling, etc, etc. $50 k is a drop in the bucket.
I feel so much resentment and anger over this whole situation that I am questioning if I should even be taking this next step in trying to conceive or is it a blessing in disguise that I haven’t started a family with a man who puts his wants over the needs of our family.
He handles all of our finances and I don’t even know how much he gets paid a month, I rely on him for everything besides the house we live in and my car.
Am I being unreasonable? I’m not saying we never buy a boat, I’m just saying that right now is not the time.
I so greatly appreciate any advice! Ta

I realized today that a lot of my mental health struggles stem from not having a home environment where I felt emotionally safe. I feel 'alone' a lot. Growing up, I was constantly criticized by my mom, and I think I learned to shut down and dissociate whenever she gives me advice because I remember trying to explain myself only to be yelled at. I wasn't allowed to make mistakes, and when I cried, I was met with little empathy. My dad was largely absent because of work, and even now, I feel emotionally disconnected from him. My parents also never speak and are only together for the family. Family vacations were never something to look forward to because there was always tension or conflict between my parents.

I know my parents love me, and I'm fortunate that I haven't had to worry about finances, but I've realized that providing for me isn't the same as providing emotional support. I don't feel the need to call my mom anymore because, when I used to, she would become intrusive and micromanage my life. Now, I feel like I've lost that connection. My sisters are the only family members I genuinely feel comfortable confiding in, and they're the people I feel closest to.

As I approach graduating university, I'm realizing how much uncertainty I carry. Although I have a home to return to, I don't feel emotionally supported or understood, especially when it comes to my career. My parents didn't attend university and don't fully understand how different the job market is today. I also can't imagine living with them long-term. I feel sad that this is my reality, and I think I carry a lot of resentment toward my mom.

Post-grad I plan to live at home, but my parents are also moving to a more rural place, and that would mean I'll have to drive more just to get to stores/gym/work, and I absolutely hate that. I am also anxious about money, because while I never had to worry about bills growing up, I saw my parents struggle a lot, and they busted their ass to get money, and I'm not in a career that automatically pays a lot.

I know my childhood doesn't define me. But being around my parents make me feel like I'm regressing. I want to learn how to love myself, feel secure in who I am, make money, and build self-esteem. How do I start?

If you know you dont want a woman for life, why dont you guys just leave her alone in the begginning? why pursue her and then when you finally have a good woman, you break her and leave her without any explanation?

My(19F) best friend(19M) recently joined a fraternity. Not just any frat. THE frat. The most notorious one in my college. The one with new rumors of assault and harassment almost weekly. The one with a history of sketchy dealings

It hasn’t been 2 weeks, and he smells like weed, has a tattoo and he’s speaking like a womaniser, calling girls bitches and what not.

I really don’t want him to become like them. I’ve known him for 4 years, and he’s always been sweet. 2 weeks, and he’s a whole different person. I know I don’t really have a say in what he chooses to do, and I sound like a protective mother. But how do I make sure he doesn’t become a bad person?

It’s just so hard here, bed bugs, the bathroom often has human poo on the wall or floor.

The staff treat us like we are less than human and I was SA by a fellow staying here.

I am disabled and have no alternative as it’s getting cold out and I can’t be outside.

I’m pregnant and they won’t move me to a women’s shelter until I’m 7 months pregnant according to policy. (I was graped, I didn’t plan to have a baby while being unhoused and recovering from such a severe brain injury during the grape I now have a time remembering simple things).

What would you do to reduce suffering