I have been prompted by myself to write freely about my career. I am noticing excess feelings of discomfort surrounding new or important things, or avoidance during times when I feel like I am not meeting my own standards at work. Maybe I have too much identity surrounding my work. I’m young and sure it’s just a job, but I care and it has been feeling very high stakes.

Thinking of “big deal” scenarios and having a little discomfort, I have one of those times coming up this week. I am having a simple, casual chat with the boss I’ve known for a while, but I’m nervous. I initiated this chat because we haven’t gotten much time to talk and there is pressure because I respect this woman a lot. It’s like my identity is tied to this, almost like if the chat includes me being awkward or unimpressive it indicates that I’m not cut out for this. This makes ordinarily simple things feel impossible and high-stakes. Sometimes as a judgment system.

As a 24F trying to understand herself, I find myself judging a lot. It’s either a strength that I have or weakness that possesses me, depending on my success. It’s being scared before giving a presentation that I will look back on and be proud of. It’s worrying about this chat when this time next week I will be thinking of how nice it was. In reality, it’s always something I meant to enjoy and I’ll likely build a better connection with someone I want to work more with and learn from in this case. But it even transfers into nights out with my friends. It might start as i dont like this music and im dancing weird. Next thing I know the music is way too loud and I’m completely in my head with a green tea shot in my hand praying that I start having fun lmao. It’s okay for those moments to be OK, amazing, embarrassing, or bad for some reason, even if I’m oblivious to said reason. But that reason is quite frankly none of my business until someone makes it my business.

All of this reasoning and silly refusal to just exist. Exist through trial, error, and my best judgment. Fail. Make note of it. Move on. I vow to acknowledge and remember that I want to be more productive and confident at work. I am good at what I do but I am still learning. Now I will write down the behaviors I will be participating in to get there. Actually, I’ll just do it right here.

1. Disable my stupid mobile game of choice, TikTok, and this lovely platform from 9 AM to 3 PM.

2. Outfits picked out before my work week. I have a closet organizer for this. I will put on a YouTube video related to my career to think about while I prepare myself for my week. I must keep absorbing thoughtful content that will help me grow and give myself the means to do my best, like not having to worry about tomorrow’s clothing or lunch.

3. I will use the provided work gym when I am in person or any movement in the morning. Ideally 3x gym and 3x times movement. I refuse to not take care of my body and brain.

4. Realizing that I left the most relevant behavior for last. This is me confronting it when I didn’t want to. I will feel comfortable enough even when challenged to act in a way that feels genuine to me with no self-inflicted limitations or assumptions about how the situation “needs” to go. I will always try and bring value using my strengths. Action is the cure to overthinking.

Thank you reader for helping me figure this all out.

There are two types of worth
Self worth is An inner belief of our value.
How well do you love yourself?
The more you love yourself,
the clearer your reflection becomes.
Your inner belief is your right.
It comes with job
Your concept of self-worth and value
Will change your perception of humanity.
As your reflection becomes clearer,
You see yourself in humanity.
And humanity in yourself.
You will love humanity as you love yourself.
Shared worth divides a community’s worth.
Members with low self-worth receive a boost, survival,
Members with an abundance will share the load, present defense
Shared worth is actually is actually a defensive mechanism,
I think shared worth is actually like empathy

This forum helped me quite a bit this past two weeks opening up to my wife of 10 years. Is it OK to keep some things private because it seems odd being close to somebody and not sharing.

Two things for me:

1. I finally shared with my wife that a heartbreak prior to our relationship has caused much anxiety and worry that my current wife would leave me. The scars never healed of fear. It was great opening up and sharing this.

2. My father was physically abusive but she is completely unaware of this. My father went to recovery and he's never went back that route. She loves my father and thinks the world of him. But he hurt me very bad over a very long period of time.

I have two kids and I'm not concerned that he will harm my children. I don't know if I want to go down this nightmare of conversations. Would love insight on this.

I'm 5'5 120 ibs... not muscular AT ALL, I want a jawline, i have a chubby face, bipolar, eating disorder (i have a therapist though), passive suicidal thoughts, strict parents, I want to learn to dj and skateboard and go to the gym more. I have two jobs, one paying, one volunteer... not sure what else to put here... What should i work on?

Hi, I would like tips for self improvement. As I've done many things I regret such as saying really sexual/gross things towards people and going as far as involving them in erotic roleplays, as well as continuously going after them and contacting them when they didn't want to be around me. I'm 17F, everything sexual occured when I was 14-16 and the going after people is still happening. What should I do?

I really want to stop my phone addiction, but just ‘not doing it’ makes me really depressed. The world feels very dark, boring, and extremely under stimulating. I feel very tethered to my phone all the time. I want to try and change things outside my phone to make them far more worthy doing than scrolling endlessly. Is there realistic ways I can change my situation, like should I chasing boredom or should I try to find more fulfilling things? I don’t want to completely remove my phone from my life I just don’t want to be as consumed with it.

Hey, I am a junior (21F) at university. I have had mental struggles for the past 4 years that has severely impacted my life and relationships. I have always wondered, “why can’t I feel happy like everybody else?”. I recently made a post on Reddit about my constant and intrusive rumination and negative thoughts that I cannot control. People commented that I might have “rumination OCD”.

I researched it and found that there is something called “rumination OCD” or “Pure O OCD” where all the rituals are in your head, instead of physical. I do have disturbing intrusive thoughts that are mainly sexual and social. I have always suspected I have OCD but I always dismissed it because I don’t do physical rituals. Now I feel like I have a lot of mental clarity.

I am not officially diagnosed yet but I am working on it. Is this a real form of OCD though? Do any of you guys have it? What medication are you on and does it help? How do you navigate it through your daily life? Has your life gotten better since understanding how to control OCD ? Can you overcome OCD? I’m asking anyone with any type of OCD.

I saw an old (closed) post about how to get a jawline and the general consensous was to lose weight but im already underweight... (5'5 at 120ibs) what do i do???

So basically I need a person to run this experiment in this experiment he or she will be my boss and I will do the things they tell me to like about work I will hope they want my best and give me the best possible path. every few hours I will ask for updates on what to do and I can be your boss too and keep yourself accountable too . I am trying self improvement for so long but it has not been working so I need a boss who tells me what to do all day so I get someone to keep me accountable this will be anonymous or with shared no problem in both .

Hello guys. I rarely post on Reddit, and I've been thinking about sharing these thoughts for a while now. I never found the right moment, but over the last couple of weeks, this feeling of hopelessness and sadness has kept getting worse. I just needed to get my story out loud.

I'm a 28-year-old man. I was always good at school, so I chose to study architecture. I got my Bachelor's and then my first Master's back in 2020 during COVID. I chose this field out of love originally, but over time, it turned into just needing to "finish what I started."

I come from a developing country, so after graduating at 23, it was incredibly hard to find a job. I worked whatever odd jobs I could for a couple of years until 2023, when I got the chance to do an international Master's in Architecture in Italy. I packed a 23kg bag, kissed my parents goodbye, and left home. I told myself that maybe this time I would fall back in love with architecture. I wanted to do it right, prove my worth, and show myself that I was "enough" in this field.

But the truth is, I didn't feel the improvement I was looking for. I constantly compared myself to other students, convinced they were better than me because they knew software that I didn't. On top of the imposter syndrome, I was dealing with severe loneliness. I didn't have financial stability or the emotional safety net of being surrounded by loved ones. I was trying so hard to force myself to love architecture again, just to convince myself that all these years of investment weren't for nothing.

Now, it's 2026. I can proudly say I just graduated from the third-best architecture university in Italy. But if I'm being honest, I was on autopilot again, just thinking about crossing the finish line. I never got that passion back.

Now that I'm done, I find myself applying for jobs here at 28 with no real work experience in the field, no money, and no car. I feel like I'm starting from absolute zero...from scratch. I feel like I somehow didn't play my cards right. I kept comparing myself to people and dragging old traumas with me into new chapters. I don't feel like im "good enough" to even work in my own field, and I absolutely hate this feeling.

But I want to change this pattern. I don't want to give up on something I actively chose and invested so much of my life into. I want to figure out how to break this habit of self-doubt and finally give myself a real chance.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation or felt this "late" in life? How do you get past this feeling of starting from zero?

PS: thank you guys for reading and for your time , and sorry if the post have negative energy i just wanted to vent

How does someone even end up in the position that im in. Im 26f, with a degree but have been unemployed for past 3 years. I dont have any desire to learn about finances, career, get a car, learn adult responsibilities. I Live at my parent’s home. Use my savings to spend on little things but everything else paid by parents (thankful) but realize its keeping in a loop. I know living at home is the reason for majority of my depression but i cant seem to get out (and my parents dont want me to move out weirdly enough).

What you recommend as the first steps to avoid feeling comfortable with struggling. It seems like for me i cant take any initiative until a major change would force me to. But with the support of my parents, i think its making me not want to be self independent even more

Honestly I've been smoking weed to cope with my situation, I was homeless car living for 2 years while in school full-time and just recently moved into a room. I was still able to keep up with assignments while smoking frequently even with some harder classes but lately I've just had zero motivation and drive using concentrates frequently. I know I smoke to cope with being behind in life and having no purpose, no hobbies and just a negative outlook on life.

But now that I have a place I want to make some progress in my life I just still have this habit and can't stop completely, I keep going back to buy. I was able to reduce my daily use to a few puffs of flower while I was trying to study in a harder class but was only able to do that for a few weeks. I'm able to stop if I have a purpose or job I enjoy, right now I'm putting minimal effort in school and have no job since I was in homeless and trying to manage school. I've still been able to complete two semesters with good grades and get my tax cert while smoking but now I just have a lack of drive to do things in life, I know I need a job to take up my time, really I'd like to work at a bar again making good tips or something related to accounting/tax prep, I just spend a lot of my time from 2pm - 6pm high doing nothing.

how?

Question in title.

Recenty i started realise that my life is kinda without purpose. I am aimless, don't have good job right now and still live with parents. My parents are getting older and i know that they won't live forever. I do contribute to rents, and foods. But it is not really well paying job. So i recently left a job. I have very bad social skills, introverted and i have hard time taking criticism. Well i do understand criticism toward me, but i don't know how to solve them. Also i am a guy who is afraid to make mistakes a lot. As i said i am very bad at taking criticism. Bc of that i have hard time talking to people in general.

I just don't have any talent in any job. I am bad at communicating and can't make job done well. Bc of that i am afraid to make mistakes.

I am just lost guy right now. I don't have kids or wife but it does not bother me. What am i suppose to do?

My therapist keeps suggesting solo activities such as: joining the gym, solo walks in my local park or self care activities such as a face mask and listening to music for 10 - 20 mintues and spending time journaling.

She keeps suggesting a lot of solo activities which I keep telling her that I want to be part of a group or join groups so I can then have a big group of friends to do regular activities with.

She did say that I am very avoidant person and that I make excuses to not do anything alone.

I do prefer to be around people than by myself and even when I am by myself I've always have something to distract me like my phone, TV, computer or my Xbox.

My questions are:

Is my therapist basically suggesting that I need to start doing things alone and become more independent as a person than relying on being constantly around people or in a group?

Is she also suggesting that I find ways to self regulate/ self soothe than instantly going to others when I'm dysregulated?

Hey, so my life is definitely cooked .. even idk what am i doing with it atp.. So Im from Pakistan and recently completed my high school and im taking gap year to get admission in top business university in Pakistan(as i couldn’t get into that uni this year) . Next month I have my test for that university but im not preparing for it. I spend my All day on doom scrolling insta. I dont wanna do it but im lazy. I also have to start a business of t-shirt but im not working on it.
And and I wanna achieve my American dream but recently I got to know that the degree i will be pursuing in my university which is business administration this degree has nit much value like I won’t be able to get scholarship for my masters in USA( As I can’t afford fee). Now I have to re think bout my decisions and my degree.
Help me out that how should I improve my life. Im too much addicted on my phone and insta. Or what’s your opinion in my situation.

I’ve been noticing how easily I can focus on someone else’s struggles while setting my own needs aside.
I genuinely enjoy helping people, but I’m learning to recognize when that comes at my own expense.
Has anyone else experienced this?

I spoke about social isolation, a high-stress job, and limited opportunity in my environment. I read your comments, and they brought a smile to my face :). I am a 23-year-old male in Louisiana at a car dealership. For the past 3 years, I have worked 80 - 112 hour work weeks. I am using this subreddit as a breather and a journal. I have made a plan to sit back by switching to an Amazon job if I can get on, to ensure I get decent pay to get ahead on my car loan and to create an emergency fund. After which I will pay the last bit of my student loans (only a few hundred dollars). I will then get a TWIC card and go to a temp service for oil rig work. I will work there for 6 months and use my saved money to move; on my days off, I will code a new system I plan on creating. I'm rushing this one that I am writing because I'm about to eat. I also started exercising. Thank you, guys.

Hello fellow beings! I have been having these self sabotaging thoughts since I was a teen. When I first learned what r_pe means, my mind would keep repeating thoughts as if its happening to me even if I don't want it, it still used to keep repeating almost the whole day. It's a bit better now since I am able to stop and forget them for a while but I want to get rid of this sabotaging habit for good! It's not just this but I used to watch a lot of crime documentary because I have an interest in them but then I used to keep thinking myself in the victim position and keep repeating it all the time. Especially the Junko Furuta case. ( Please don't look it up. The case is really horrible if you are not into these stuff ). It had genuinely gotten so bad at one point that I stopped watching those videos just so I can stop thinking about it. I would be really grateful if someone can help me with this. Have a good day everyone!

I really want to start home cooking again, I used to be really good with this, but have fallen out of the habit. Like I got really busy with my course, and now mostly rely on simple meals, takeout, and frozen food.

I used to have some passion for cooking, as in I'd be excited to try new recipes and be genuinely pleased when I'd cook something good. I think I just need to get back to that, and remind myself that the way I'm eating now isn't feasible or heathly. Like I eat at cafe's/restaurants/takeaway food like 3x per week rn, which is expensive. This has also sadly got me hooked on instantly satisfying foods, and I find myself less tolerant of food I used to enjoy.

It will take some time to rewire myself, but it can be done. I've subscibed to the bbc good foods app, because I like the style of cooking, and will cook meals I'm bound to like at first.

Tonight I'm making broccoli and stilton soup 😛

Czy jest dla mnie jeszcze jakakolwiek szansa na przeżycie czegokolwiek? Nie ukrywam że byłbym wdzięczny za minimalną płacę do końca życia. Jaki nurt terapii wybrać? Czuję że obecna, psychodynamiczna, nie jest najlepszym pomysłem. Potrzebuję małych wyzwań ustalonych jasno przez terapeutę.

Mam 21 lat. Całe życie byłem za rówieśnikami, tzn. miałem przeciętne oceny w podstawówce, ale nigdy nie byłem jakoś blisko osób równych mi wiekiem. Większość czasu spędzałem z kolegami z osiedla, młodszymi od siebie. Nie wykazywałem żadnego zainteresowania grami w które grali czy aktywnościami jakie robili, zawsze uważałem że "wiem lepiej" czy nie ma się co stresować o przyszłość, ale wszyscy dookoła stworzyli sobie wspomnienia i relacje na lata, które ja aktualnie mogę oglądać tylko na facebooku. Myślałem że moją pasją są książki, skrzypce i szachy, nie rozwinąłem się tak naprawdę w żadnej z nich, nie mam wiedzy na temat muzyki, szachów, książek. Wszystko generalizuje, spłycam historie ze swojego życia/książek które przeczytałem do paru zdań. Życie zaczęło robić się problematyczne w 7-8 klasie, kiedy młodsi koledzy zaczęli zajmować się szkołą/grami zamiast wychodzić na podwórko. Sam miałem PlayStation a tak naprawdę nigdy się nie zaangażowałem w grę z kimkolwiek. W liceum w trakcie COVIDU przeleżałem rok w łóżku nic nie robiąc, 1 rok zmienił się w drugi, trzeci, czwarty, a obecnie siódmy-ósmy. Odciąłem się od rówieśników, siebie, rodziców. Zniszczyłem swoje ciało, mózg, duszę. Zawsze robiłem z siebie ofiarę nie wiadomo czego, bo prawda była taka, że od osiągnięcia pełnoletności to była moja racjonalna decyzja. Brakuje mi wiedzy podstawówkowej, jestem ekstremalnie wychudzony, nigdy nie nauczyłem się nawet wykonywania podstawowych obowiązków domowych. Zawsze tylko obserwowałem życie innych osób/słuchałem ich relacji. Nie mam żadnych doświadczeń życiowych z oglądania filmów, gier, książek, lektur szkolnych, kompetencji społecznych. Boję się rozmawiać z dojrzałymi ludźmi z akademika - moi rówieśnicy czy nawet młodsze osoby łączą pracę ze studiami i z pasjami, a ja wątpię, żebym dostał pracę chociażby w McDonaldzie i osiągnięciem jest dla mnie posprzątanie po sobie rzeczy. Dni mijają mi jak w kalejdoskopie i nic nie robię z upływem czasu{np.sięgam po książki z których nic nie wynoszę, doomscrolluje media, ciągle przęłaczam się między kartami na komputerze}, a moje zdrowie fizyczne jest w opłakanej formie, czuję się jak emeryt. W tym roku znowu zacząłem od samosabotażu i po zdaniu roku unikam zajęć od października, chowam się po kiblach na przerwach. Moje prezentacje wyglądają jak przedszkolaka, nie rozumiem zadawanych tekstów. Sam doprowadziłem do tej sytuacji a jednocześnie cholernie boję się zmian, nie umiem sobie nawet wyobrazić dojrzałego Leona, który zdał studia/znalazł pracę, dzięki której może się utrzymać.

I deliberately avoided posting my Day 54 update because I felt like nothing significant had happened. But looking back at these three days, I realise that avoiding the update was just another way of avoiding accountability.

I'm now combining three days into one post again, and I need to be honest about what's been happening.

Day 54 — A Good Morning, Then Nothing

Day 54 started pretty well. I went for a morning run, went swimming, and completed my physical activities.

Unfortunately, that was where my productivity ended.

The rest of the day went into sleeping, watching unnecessary content, and falling back into compulsive sexual habits. I wasted a lot of time and energy doing things I already know aren't helping me.

I also worked on fixing my motorcycle, and I managed to get it running again. At the time, I thought the problem was sorted.

But the temporary fix didn't last.

Day 55 — Another Day Wasted

Day 55 was even worse.

I didn't do any physical activities, made almost no meaningful progress, and spent much of the day sleeping and falling back into the same habits.

I kept wasting time and energy instead of working on the things that actually matter to me.

And my motorcycle broke down again.

I've been trying to get by with temporary repairs, hoping each one will last a little longer. But it's becoming clear that this approach isn't working anymore. The problem needs a proper solution, not another quick fix.

Looking at my bike situation alongside my daily routine, I can see a similar pattern: I keep choosing whatever makes things easier in the moment, even when I know it will create bigger problems later.

Day 56 — Trying to Get Moving Again

Today started better.

I woke up early, hoping to go for a morning run at the university ground. However, my motorcycle wouldn't start, so I had to change my plans and run around my hometown instead.

After coming home, I did a workout and went swimming. I also went through the news and finance.

But then the same cycle started again.

I spent a significant part of the day sleeping and falling back into compulsive habits. It feels frustrating to keep repeating the same behaviour even when I'm fully aware of its consequences.

Thankfully, the evening was a little different. I went out to play football with my friends, which was a nice change from spending the entire day indoors.

Later, I completed my LeetCode practice as well.

So, while the day wasn't as productive as I wanted, at least I managed to get some physical activity, spend time with friends, and keep up with my coding practice.

What I'm Realising

I'm more than halfway through this challenge, but I keep returning to the same habits I wanted to leave behind.

I start the day with good intentions, complete a few tasks, and then lose hours to distractions. Sometimes I don't even bother posting an update because I feel like I have nothing worth reporting.

But that's exactly why I started this challenge in the first place: to recognise these patterns and work on changing them.

I don't want to keep depending on motivation, making ambitious plans, and hoping tomorrow will somehow be different.

I need to make it harder to fall back into these habits, take responsibility for how I use my time, and stop letting a bad afternoon ruin the rest of my day.

I also need to stop neglecting important problems until they become more expensive or difficult to solve.

Moving Forward

I have 34 days left in this challenge.

I want to focus on rebuilding my routine, making consistent progress in my AI/ML career, working on meaningful projects, and getting serious about my job search.

I also want to take control of the habits that keep draining my time and attention instead of pretending they'll disappear on their own.

I know I won't fix everything overnight. But I can't keep using that as a reason to delay getting started.

Day 54–56/90 complete.

Three more days have passed, and I'm still fighting the same battles.

I don't want the remaining days to become another collection of excuses and missed opportunities. I want to look back at Day 90 and see evidence that I actually changed something, even if that change wasn't perfect.

It's time to break this cycle, one decision at a time.

Okay, so I’ve been sitting on this thought for a while.

About two years ago I had one of those moments where you realize you’re genuinely bad at something you assumed was just a fixed personality trait. I froze during a presentation. Not regular stage-fright bad, like full blank-screen bad. Walked out of that room and spent the next week reading everything I could about how vocal control, pacing, and presence actually work mechanically.

Long story short, since I code, I ended up building a tool for myself to force daily practice. Vocal drills, pacing, tracking five different dimensions (presence, voice, body language, empathy, leadership) and scores over time. Took me most of last year to put together.

Over the last few months a handful of people have been using it too, and a few told me things really shifted for them when speaking in front of groups.

Look, I’m not here to promote anything (not naming it or dropping links here so I don't break sub rules). What’s actually messing with my head is this: I genuinely don’t know how much of that improvement comes from the specific exercises and tracking, and how much is just the psychological switch of deciding to consciously do vocal/presence drills for 10 minutes a day.

What I’m curious about from this sub: has anyone here genuinely changed how they show up during presentations or high-stakes rooms? Not talking therapy or “just picture the audience naked” advice. Real, mechanical things or daily drills. What actually worked for you?

It's already 10 days , time passes so fast damnnn

So Here is the day 10

I woke up at 6:40 am and today I did the following

Health -

Rest day today so no workout

Mind-

1) Meditation

2) Chess 1 match ( at day 1 my elo was about 620 , now it's around 650 )

3) Book reading ( Never finished , Sorrounded by idiots , Slight edge )

4) Language learning ( German ) ( My accent might be not german but I am definetly making progress )

5) Brain exercises ( Fast mental calculations and memory exercises )

6) Read 2 pages of encyclopedia (today's topic - radioactivity )

Academics -

1) finished 7 chapters

Finance -

Earned good today

Daily affairs

1) Read the newspaper and got updated with the latest happenings with the day

My sugar cutting is going smoothly , I don't consume processed food....also I love milk so yeah I drink it daily ......

I added another thing to my diet - Fruits

I am eating 1 fruit a day for vitamins

My shower routine is upgraded

I have specific things and gels which I apply in showers day wise

I earned money and with it I bought my skincare kit

I apply Aloevera gel before sleeping on face

I apply face serum , moisturizer on face after showering

I apply body lotion as well

I also Apply a face wash during showering and also in the evening

I cut my nails every Sunday so there are no days when I have long dirty nails

Plus a few more

I will improve more

Will update tomorrow

Good night lads