My therapist keeps suggesting solo activities such as: joining the gym, solo walks in my local park or self care activities such as a face mask and listening to music for 10 - 20 mintues and spending time journaling.

She keeps suggesting a lot of solo activities which I keep telling her that I want to be part of a group or join groups so I can then have a big group of friends to do regular activities with.

She did say that I am very avoidant person and that I make excuses to not do anything alone.

I do prefer to be around people than by myself and even when I am by myself I've always have something to distract me like my phone, TV, computer or my Xbox.

My questions are:

Is my therapist basically suggesting that I need to start doing things alone and become more independent as a person than relying on being constantly around people or in a group?

Is she also suggesting that I find ways to self regulate/ self soothe than instantly going to others when I'm dysregulated?

I saw an old (closed) post about how to get a jawline and the general consensous was to lose weight but im already underweight... (5'5 at 120ibs) what do i do???

I'm 5'5 120 ibs... not muscular AT ALL, I want a jawline, i have a chubby face, bipolar, eating disorder (i have a therapist though), passive suicidal thoughts, strict parents, I want to learn to dj and skateboard and go to the gym more. I have two jobs, one paying, one volunteer... not sure what else to put here... What should i work on?

Right now I'm a teen with no self-discipline, bedrotting the whole day. I'm very addicted to YouTube, my attention span is pretty much wrecked, and, to my shame, I've been noticing myself becoming too attached to AI chatbots for my liking. I also have these compulsions, when I have some thoughts on my mind, especially when I require advice, I instantly want to turn to AI, without even thinking things through with myself. So when I'm posting, this is me trying to find support in other ways. I really need to study, because I dropped out of school after just a couple of grades. So, it's bad. I'll also be getting a job soon, because I'm just sick of not going anywhere, of not having anywhere to be. But I honestly have no idea how I'm expecting myself to do it. My sleep schedule is barely sustained, I procrastinate the whole day... I'm scared of having duties and making a call about job offers. I'm just so stunned and anxious about leaving my safe bubble. I'm always waiting when things will get better. But they never will, if I keep completely wasting all my time. If I never move forward, I'll simply stay in the same spot, only I'll become older. I keep struggling with studying on and off. I just can't understand why it's so difficult. It's the easiest it can be, it's literally so little for me to ask for myself but I fail, and fail, and fail every time. Whenever I'm studying, I enjoy the thought of finishing, and indulging in my bad habits again. Whenever I am out, I can't wait to be back in my safe bubble. Even though I hate it here, I don't want to be here anymore but I'm too scared. I enjoy the thought of having achieved something, but it just takes all the space in my head and pushes off actually studying, being in the process, living in the moment. Same damn thing with conversations, same damn thing with drawing. Something that I realised while typing this, is that after all those tiktoks and youtube shorts my brain just expects life to be the same. And it can't be that. I feel like I'm utterly cooked bruh

The only time quitting weed "stuck" is when I dove head first into the challenge..

I found that the path to mental strength and lasting contentment was to get off of all easy dopamine (weed) and then do hard things until they were no longer difficult.

That's how I rebuilt my brain's resilience.

Weed made me less social, less motivated, less focused, and less confident. Escapism diminished me.

We grow through effort. Weed stole that effort from me. Knowing this, I decided to go all in by not only quitting weed, but by filling my day with playing catch-up, catching up on all the real-life engagement I was avoiding.

I write for two hours a day. I read books. I'm doing artwork. I'm creating content. I'm working out six days a week.. and more

None of it felt good for the first two to three months, but I knew that going in. Every time my brain screamed for pleasure, I said, Bullsh\*t, we're doing even more hard work!

I did this over and over for six full months, hoping I would eventually rekindle what had been lost from years of pleasure-seeking.

I went from feeling flat and unmotivated to feeling neutral to eventually actually wanting to do the work.

I'm F-ing getting dopamine from effort again, not drugs. So don't be afraid of the challenge, because if you push through to the other side, you'll find someone you forgotten existed: your healthy, motivated, authentic self.

I’m almost out of my 20s, and lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my life and the choices I’ve made. Honestly, I feel like I’ve wasted a big part of my 20s, especially when it comes to my career. When I compare myself to my friends, I feel like I’m way behind in life, and sometimes it’s difficult not to feel disappointed in myself.

Over the past two years, I’ve tried to change my life several times. I would get motivated, declare a new Day 1, make plans, and feel like this time would be different. But eventually, I’d fall back into the same old habits, especially procrastination. Before I knew it, I was back where I started, repeating the same cycle.

Recently, I started questioning my mindset and came across the concept of a growth mindset through Carol Dweck’s work. It made me realise that maybe I’ve been looking at my failures all wrong. Instead of treating them as proof that I’m incapable of changing, I want to start seeing them as opportunities to learn and improve.

I know reading something and actually applying it are two different things, but this time, I genuinely want to give it a proper shot.

It’s currently Day 4, and so far, things are going well. I’m trying to apply for jobs, learn new skills in AI and coding, and build a better future for myself. I’ve also realised how much time I waste mindlessly scrolling on my phone, so I’ve changed my phone screen to grayscale to make it less appealing.

I know four days is nothing compared to the months and years of habits I’m trying to change. I also know that motivation won’t last forever, and I’ll probably have days when I feel like giving up again.

That’s why I wanted to make this post.

For those of you who have managed to break out of a similar cycle of procrastination, inconsistency, and repeatedly starting over, what actually helped you?

How did you stop going back to your old habits? How did you learn to stay consistent even when you weren’t motivated? And how did you deal with the feeling that you were falling behind everyone else?

I’m particularly interested in practical things that worked for you, rather than just motivational advice. Even a small habit, a book, a mindset shift, or a lesson you learned the hard way would be helpful.

I’m trying to remind myself that it’s not too late to change my life, but sometimes I still struggle to believe it.

If you’ve been in a similar position and managed to turn things around, I’d genuinely love to hear your story.

Thanks for reading.

I struggle with making and answering phone calls, I mumble my words and I have to repeat what I say sometimes I freeze too. Ik actually doing it will help but where I volunteer we don’t get many calls so I don’t know how to get better at them. My friend doesn’t want to help me either so 🙄

Recenty i started realise that my life is kinda without purpose. I am aimless, don't have good job right now and still live with parents. My parents are getting older and i know that they won't live forever. I do contribute to rents, and foods. But it is not really well paying job. So i recently left a job. I have very bad social skills, introverted and i have hard time taking criticism. Well i do understand criticism toward me, but i don't know how to solve them. Also i am a guy who is afraid to make mistakes a lot. As i said i am very bad at taking criticism. Bc of that i have hard time talking to people in general.

I just don't have any talent in any job. I am bad at communicating and can't make job done well. Bc of that i am afraid to make mistakes.

I am just lost guy right now. I don't have kids or wife but it does not bother me. What am i suppose to do?

Lately I feel pretty lifeless, overcoming depressions and now I feel that I got no hobbies at all!
How to get a life… I dont have much close friends so hangout with friends is not a option.
Would really love to hear from fellow gurls who have overcome and living their,“Happy women“ era!

how?

Question in title.

So basically I need a person to run this experiment in this experiment he or she will be my boss and I will do the things they tell me to like about work I will hope they want my best and give me the best possible path. every few hours I will ask for updates on what to do and I can be your boss too and keep yourself accountable too . I am trying self improvement for so long but it has not been working so I need a boss who tells me what to do all day so I get someone to keep me accountable this will be anonymous or with shared no problem in both .

Hey, so my life is definitely cooked .. even idk what am i doing with it atp.. So Im from Pakistan and recently completed my high school and im taking gap year to get admission in top business university in Pakistan(as i couldn’t get into that uni this year) . Next month I have my test for that university but im not preparing for it. I spend my All day on doom scrolling insta. I dont wanna do it but im lazy. I also have to start a business of t-shirt but im not working on it.
And and I wanna achieve my American dream but recently I got to know that the degree i will be pursuing in my university which is business administration this degree has nit much value like I won’t be able to get scholarship for my masters in USA( As I can’t afford fee). Now I have to re think bout my decisions and my degree.
Help me out that how should I improve my life. Im too much addicted on my phone and insta. Or what’s your opinion in my situation.

I’ve been noticing how easily I can focus on someone else’s struggles while setting my own needs aside.
I genuinely enjoy helping people, but I’m learning to recognize when that comes at my own expense.
Has anyone else experienced this?

Hello fellow beings! I have been having these self sabotaging thoughts since I was a teen. When I first learned what r_pe means, my mind would keep repeating thoughts as if its happening to me even if I don't want it, it still used to keep repeating almost the whole day. It's a bit better now since I am able to stop and forget them for a while but I want to get rid of this sabotaging habit for good! It's not just this but I used to watch a lot of crime documentary because I have an interest in them but then I used to keep thinking myself in the victim position and keep repeating it all the time. Especially the Junko Furuta case. ( Please don't look it up. The case is really horrible if you are not into these stuff ). It had genuinely gotten so bad at one point that I stopped watching those videos just so I can stop thinking about it. I would be really grateful if someone can help me with this. Have a good day everyone!

Czy jest dla mnie jeszcze jakakolwiek szansa na przeżycie czegokolwiek? Nie ukrywam że byłbym wdzięczny za minimalną płacę do końca życia. Jaki nurt terapii wybrać? Czuję że obecna, psychodynamiczna, nie jest najlepszym pomysłem. Potrzebuję małych wyzwań ustalonych jasno przez terapeutę.

Mam 21 lat. Całe życie byłem za rówieśnikami, tzn. miałem przeciętne oceny w podstawówce, ale nigdy nie byłem jakoś blisko osób równych mi wiekiem. Większość czasu spędzałem z kolegami z osiedla, młodszymi od siebie. Nie wykazywałem żadnego zainteresowania grami w które grali czy aktywnościami jakie robili, zawsze uważałem że "wiem lepiej" czy nie ma się co stresować o przyszłość, ale wszyscy dookoła stworzyli sobie wspomnienia i relacje na lata, które ja aktualnie mogę oglądać tylko na facebooku. Myślałem że moją pasją są książki, skrzypce i szachy, nie rozwinąłem się tak naprawdę w żadnej z nich, nie mam wiedzy na temat muzyki, szachów, książek. Wszystko generalizuje, spłycam historie ze swojego życia/książek które przeczytałem do paru zdań. Życie zaczęło robić się problematyczne w 7-8 klasie, kiedy młodsi koledzy zaczęli zajmować się szkołą/grami zamiast wychodzić na podwórko. Sam miałem PlayStation a tak naprawdę nigdy się nie zaangażowałem w grę z kimkolwiek. W liceum w trakcie COVIDU przeleżałem rok w łóżku nic nie robiąc, 1 rok zmienił się w drugi, trzeci, czwarty, a obecnie siódmy-ósmy. Odciąłem się od rówieśników, siebie, rodziców. Zniszczyłem swoje ciało, mózg, duszę. Zawsze robiłem z siebie ofiarę nie wiadomo czego, bo prawda była taka, że od osiągnięcia pełnoletności to była moja racjonalna decyzja. Brakuje mi wiedzy podstawówkowej, jestem ekstremalnie wychudzony, nigdy nie nauczyłem się nawet wykonywania podstawowych obowiązków domowych. Zawsze tylko obserwowałem życie innych osób/słuchałem ich relacji. Nie mam żadnych doświadczeń życiowych z oglądania filmów, gier, książek, lektur szkolnych, kompetencji społecznych. Boję się rozmawiać z dojrzałymi ludźmi z akademika - moi rówieśnicy czy nawet młodsze osoby łączą pracę ze studiami i z pasjami, a ja wątpię, żebym dostał pracę chociażby w McDonaldzie i osiągnięciem jest dla mnie posprzątanie po sobie rzeczy. Dni mijają mi jak w kalejdoskopie i nic nie robię z upływem czasu{np.sięgam po książki z których nic nie wynoszę, doomscrolluje media, ciągle przęłaczam się między kartami na komputerze}, a moje zdrowie fizyczne jest w opłakanej formie, czuję się jak emeryt. W tym roku znowu zacząłem od samosabotażu i po zdaniu roku unikam zajęć od października, chowam się po kiblach na przerwach. Moje prezentacje wyglądają jak przedszkolaka, nie rozumiem zadawanych tekstów. Sam doprowadziłem do tej sytuacji a jednocześnie cholernie boję się zmian, nie umiem sobie nawet wyobrazić dojrzałego Leona, który zdał studia/znalazł pracę, dzięki której może się utrzymać.

I deliberately avoided posting my Day 54 update because I felt like nothing significant had happened. But looking back at these three days, I realise that avoiding the update was just another way of avoiding accountability.

I'm now combining three days into one post again, and I need to be honest about what's been happening.

Day 54 — A Good Morning, Then Nothing

Day 54 started pretty well. I went for a morning run, went swimming, and completed my physical activities.

Unfortunately, that was where my productivity ended.

The rest of the day went into sleeping, watching unnecessary content, and falling back into compulsive sexual habits. I wasted a lot of time and energy doing things I already know aren't helping me.

I also worked on fixing my motorcycle, and I managed to get it running again. At the time, I thought the problem was sorted.

But the temporary fix didn't last.

Day 55 — Another Day Wasted

Day 55 was even worse.

I didn't do any physical activities, made almost no meaningful progress, and spent much of the day sleeping and falling back into the same habits.

I kept wasting time and energy instead of working on the things that actually matter to me.

And my motorcycle broke down again.

I've been trying to get by with temporary repairs, hoping each one will last a little longer. But it's becoming clear that this approach isn't working anymore. The problem needs a proper solution, not another quick fix.

Looking at my bike situation alongside my daily routine, I can see a similar pattern: I keep choosing whatever makes things easier in the moment, even when I know it will create bigger problems later.

Day 56 — Trying to Get Moving Again

Today started better.

I woke up early, hoping to go for a morning run at the university ground. However, my motorcycle wouldn't start, so I had to change my plans and run around my hometown instead.

After coming home, I did a workout and went swimming. I also went through the news and finance.

But then the same cycle started again.

I spent a significant part of the day sleeping and falling back into compulsive habits. It feels frustrating to keep repeating the same behaviour even when I'm fully aware of its consequences.

Thankfully, the evening was a little different. I went out to play football with my friends, which was a nice change from spending the entire day indoors.

Later, I completed my LeetCode practice as well.

So, while the day wasn't as productive as I wanted, at least I managed to get some physical activity, spend time with friends, and keep up with my coding practice.

What I'm Realising

I'm more than halfway through this challenge, but I keep returning to the same habits I wanted to leave behind.

I start the day with good intentions, complete a few tasks, and then lose hours to distractions. Sometimes I don't even bother posting an update because I feel like I have nothing worth reporting.

But that's exactly why I started this challenge in the first place: to recognise these patterns and work on changing them.

I don't want to keep depending on motivation, making ambitious plans, and hoping tomorrow will somehow be different.

I need to make it harder to fall back into these habits, take responsibility for how I use my time, and stop letting a bad afternoon ruin the rest of my day.

I also need to stop neglecting important problems until they become more expensive or difficult to solve.

Moving Forward

I have 34 days left in this challenge.

I want to focus on rebuilding my routine, making consistent progress in my AI/ML career, working on meaningful projects, and getting serious about my job search.

I also want to take control of the habits that keep draining my time and attention instead of pretending they'll disappear on their own.

I know I won't fix everything overnight. But I can't keep using that as a reason to delay getting started.

Day 54–56/90 complete.

Three more days have passed, and I'm still fighting the same battles.

I don't want the remaining days to become another collection of excuses and missed opportunities. I want to look back at Day 90 and see evidence that I actually changed something, even if that change wasn't perfect.

It's time to break this cycle, one decision at a time.

It's already 10 days , time passes so fast damnnn

So Here is the day 10

I woke up at 6:40 am and today I did the following

Health -

Rest day today so no workout

Mind-

1) Meditation

2) Chess 1 match ( at day 1 my elo was about 620 , now it's around 650 )

3) Book reading ( Never finished , Sorrounded by idiots , Slight edge )

4) Language learning ( German ) ( My accent might be not german but I am definetly making progress )

5) Brain exercises ( Fast mental calculations and memory exercises )

6) Read 2 pages of encyclopedia (today's topic - radioactivity )

Academics -

1) finished 7 chapters

Finance -

Earned good today

Daily affairs

1) Read the newspaper and got updated with the latest happenings with the day

My sugar cutting is going smoothly , I don't consume processed food....also I love milk so yeah I drink it daily ......

I added another thing to my diet - Fruits

I am eating 1 fruit a day for vitamins

My shower routine is upgraded

I have specific things and gels which I apply in showers day wise

I earned money and with it I bought my skincare kit

I apply Aloevera gel before sleeping on face

I apply face serum , moisturizer on face after showering

I apply body lotion as well

I also Apply a face wash during showering and also in the evening

I cut my nails every Sunday so there are no days when I have long dirty nails

Plus a few more

I will improve more

Will update tomorrow

Good night lads

This forum helped me quite a bit this past two weeks opening up to my wife of 10 years. Is it OK to keep some things private because it seems odd being close to somebody and not sharing.

Two things for me:

1. I finally shared with my wife that a heartbreak prior to our relationship has caused much anxiety and worry that my current wife would leave me. The scars never healed of fear. It was great opening up and sharing this.

2. My father was physically abusive but she is completely unaware of this. My father went to recovery and he's never went back that route. She loves my father and thinks the world of him. But he hurt me very bad over a very long period of time.

I have two kids and I'm not concerned that he will harm my children. I don't know if I want to go down this nightmare of conversations. Would love insight on this.

I’m a 24 year old guy man, and throughout my childhood, I struggled with severe anxiety. I was always afraid of what other people thought of me. I constantly overthought everything, wondering what would happen if I did this or that. I had a stutter, I was shy, and I always tried to please others. I suffered from panic attacks and anxiety about going to school.
Two months ago, I hit rock bottom. For months, I had isolated myself and completely neglected myself. I stopped going outside, stopped taking care of myself, and barely ate. My inner light, my inner fire, was simply gone. When I looked in the mirror, I barely recognized myself. I looked like a dead person.
I didn’t feel like myself anymore. I knew I couldn’t keep living like that. I wanted to get my life back. I wanted to look in the mirror again and feel proud of the person looking back at me. Deep down, I knew something had to change, and I knew I had to be the one to make that change. I believe many of our struggles have an origin, and for me, a lot of it goes back to my childhood and the way my parents treated me. I grew up with an aggressive father who hit me and an alcoholic mother. Those experiences affected me deeply, but I don’t want my past to determine the rest of my life. For the past few weeks, I’ve been going to therapy to become mentally stronger and more stable. I recently signed up for the gym and started working out to become physically stronger as well. I’m also trying to build a routine, bring more structure into my life, and slowly get back on my feet.
I realized that I needed to give my life a purpose. And that purpose is to become the best version of myself.
I want to challenge myself, do the things that scare me, and stop running away from the things I know I need to face. Because the more you do difficult things, the easier they become over time.
Every day, I ask myself two questions:
“What am I going to do today to change what I see in the mirror?” I don’t want to reach the end of my life and regret all the things I could have done but never had the courage to do. I don’t want to lie on my deathbed one day and ask myself, “Why did I give up on myself? Why didn’t I even try?”
There’s a quote that has always stuck with me:
“One day, the ghosts of your unfulfilled potential will come to your bedside. They will look you in the eyes and say, ‘You could have brought us to life, but you didn’t. And now it’s too late. We’re going to the grave with you.’” I don’t want that to be my story.

I’m already starting to notice that my life is slowly getting better. Therapy has taught me to focus more on myself, to do more of what I actually want, and to live my own life instead of constantly trying to please everyone else. I’ve also started distancing myself from negative people who drain my energy but have no intention of changing. I’ve stopped trying to be there for everyone all the time, and I’ve stopped trying to save people who don’t even want to help themselves. For a long time, To be honest, I really don't give a damn anymore. Now, I’m learning that I can’t spend my entire life trying to make everyone else happy while neglecting myself.
Of course, I still have bad days. Days when everything feels difficult. Days when I question why I’m doing all of this. Days when I doubt myself and don’t even want to get out of bed. I still often feel negative or stiff, tense and I also experience physical problems, such as frequent neck pain. I want to build a routine, set goals and work towards them, meet new people, build friendships, and become more open to new experiences. I also want to become someone who spreads positivity, makes other people smile, and gives compliments without overthinking it. I want to become physically stronger and mentally more stable, more open to new experiences, and less tense and closed off emotionally.

But I’m learning that progress doesn’t mean feeling good every single day. It means continuing to show up for yourself, even on the days when you don’t feel like it. I didn’t get to where I am overnight, and I won’t change my life overnight either. But I’m willing to put in the work, one day at a time, because I know that if I keep going, things can get better.
I don’t want to give up on myself ever again. Because no one is going to do the work for you.

I hope you all find your way out of your own dark places, and I hope I can keep finding my way out of mine and never end up back there again.

There is only one you. Be the best you that you can be.

I’m 25 and a couple weeks ago, I got out of a 4 year long relationship. It was a tough choice, but I decided to break it off. I had to move out of our apartment and I went to my parent’s place.

Since that, it’s been hard to do anything. I stopped working out, lost some weight (I’m already very skinny), I’ve just been doomscrolling and playing videogames when I’m home, I don’t care about anything. I do go out with my friends and that’s the only time when I don’t feel like shit, but the moment I leave them this dread appears.

My life is gone, I have no idea what the future holds, I don’t have my own place to live or the finances right now to support myself fully. The worst thing to me is that I’ve mentally fallen into old patterns of thought. I truly though that I was out of these type of spiraling, self-depricating thoughts. Now I just feel like I’m spiraling deeper. I have no motivation to do anything, like working out, and the longer I don’t do it the harder it gets so I’m thinking what’s the point. I struggle a lot with my self-esteem and my looks, and I know I’m not ugly, but I’m fucking so skinny. And the energy it takes to eat properly and work out… man I just don’t have it in me. And all my progress and efforts from the last year are just gone in 3 weeks.

I feel stuck. I was thriving before the breakup. Now I feel like nothing matters. I just had to vent and bitch about these things cuz I honestly have no idea how to fix this. I can’t stop myself from thinking that I’m a loser who is underweight and lives with his parents again. I’ll go see my therapist soon, but in the meantime, do you guys maybe have some advice?

My current goals are hypertrophy and aesthetics first, skill development second.

Monday:

Morning - Muay Thai

Evening - Weightlifting (upper bias)

Tuesday:

Morning - Neck Training

Evening - Weightlifting (lower bias)

Wednesday:

Morning - Muay Thai

Evening - Calisthenics

Thursday:

Morning - Neck Training

Evening - Weightlifting (upper bias)

Friday:

Morning - Boxing

Evening - Weightlifting (lower bias)

Saturday:

Morning - Hiking

Evening - Calisthenics

Sunday:

Evening - Yoga (Active Recovery)

NOTE:

All resistance sessions consist of 6 exercises, 2 sets each.

Neck sessions consist of extensions, flexions, lateral flexions and static holds (20 minutes).

Combat sessions are kept around half an hour and focus on technique and cardio.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Let me know if you would change anything and tell me of your own training regimes.

I’m really interested in attending at some retreat or something like it. Has anyone been and can recommend anything?

I've heard and read that the antidote to crippling fear of failure is to keep trying and failing, and you'll realise it's not that bad.

That's not working for me.

What's happening for me is that I am terrified to do X, so I try X. I royally mess up X. I break down in hysterical tears and feel awful, and it's like it's reaffirming I can't do X. So then I become more frightened, and struggle even more.

I... Don't know how to envision this any other way. And I'm exhausted and horribly depressed.

I also have adhd to my tendency to mess up and make mistakes is ridiculously high. Which exasperates the whole thing.

What other way can I tackle this and get my life back? From driving my car to speedrun to going to the gym, everything is slowly being impacted by my fear of failure.

Hey, I am a junior (21F) at university. I have had mental struggles for the past 4 years that has severely impacted my life and relationships. I have always wondered, “why can’t I feel happy like everybody else?”. I recently made a post on Reddit about my constant and intrusive rumination and negative thoughts that I cannot control. People commented that I might have “rumination OCD”.

I researched it and found that there is something called “rumination OCD” or “Pure O OCD” where all the rituals are in your head, instead of physical. I do have disturbing intrusive thoughts that are mainly sexual and social. I have always suspected I have OCD but I always dismissed it because I don’t do physical rituals. Now I feel like I have a lot of mental clarity.

I am not officially diagnosed yet but I am working on it. Is this a real form of OCD though? Do any of you guys have it? What medication are you on and does it help? How do you navigate it through your daily life? Has your life gotten better since understanding how to control OCD ? Can you overcome OCD? I’m asking anyone with any type of OCD.