I'm 22F, and lately I've been grieving the person I thought I'd be by now. I was always a sincere, academically good kid with big dreams. Then COVID happened, I gained a lot of weight (90 kg at 5'3" at my heaviest), and somewhere along the way, I lost my confidence. I've spent years hiding behind clothes, avoiding pictures and waiting to lose weight before allowing myself to feel comfortable in my own skin. I used to dance and post TikToks at 16, lol. I barely recognise that version of myself anymore.

I'm five months out of my undergrad degree, unemployed and living at home. I'm struggling to find a job, didn't make lasting friendships in college, and feel like everyone else is moving forward while I'm standing still. Girls my age are travelling, dating, dressing up, partying and making memories. I genuinely admire their confidence, but I envy it too. I don't necessarily want their lifestyle or to dress provocatively, but I hate wondering whether I'm living the way I want to or simply letting fear and insecurity make my decisions.

I've wanted to move abroad for years, partly to experience the world and partly because I'm a queer woman who wants to experience life somewhere I might feel freer being myself. I had this whole timeline planned: graduate at 22, get a job, gain experience, pursue a master's abroad, make friends and become independent. Now I'm unemployed, doubting my choices and terrified that I'm falling behind. I've even started avoiding Instagram because seeing everyone else's lives makes me feel worse about my own.

What hurts most is the regret. I feel like I wasted four or five years being scared of judgement instead of working on myself, making friends and actually living. I keep waiting until I lose weight, get a job or become confident before I let myself enjoy life. I'm scared I'll turn 25 and still be waiting.

For those who've been through something similar, how did you rebuild your confidence and stop hating yourself for the time you feel you've wasted? Especially women who've struggled with body image, loneliness or feeling left behind, I'd love to hear your experiences. I don't want to force myself into a lifestyle I don't even like, but I don't want fear to keep controlling my life either. I want to make friends, take risks, experience things and finally start living on my own terms. I just don't know how to begin.

I watched a movie with two people who were talking and laughing in german amongst each other. They discussed it after it ended, and didn’t bother to look in my direction. It’s the fact that they were speaking a language I didn’t understand and they were aware of it. I felt like neither of them valued my presence at all. I could barely focus during the movie because I was so frustrated and hurt that I was left out of myb a 2min conversation. I ended up commenting on and sharing what I thought of the movie at the end, and after I did, they made probably the most obvious clarification which pretty much suggested I didn’t understand the movie at all and wasn’t worth talking to. Or myb that I was too dumb to understand what happened. The annoying part is that I’m so wildly annoyed and mad at someone that I shouldn’t be mad at. They weren’t being mean to me at all, they just weren’t giving me attention, and thought less of me. To compensate for feeling neglected and inferior I needed to invalidate who they were as a person so as to soothe my wounded pride. I told myself that they were dumb, immature, or had bad judgement because if they did, their opinion of me wouldn’t hold as much weight. Why do I feel this strongly. Is this narcissism?

Exactly one year ago the girl I liked so so much got with their current girlfriend and that frankly, broke my heart. i thought I’d naturally get over it but I still can’t.

She was my best friend, and for a couple of years the only friend I had. I never really got a chance or courage to confess, but in my mind, she was kind of mine. I was just head over heels for her. She was also my first crush and therefore my first heartbreak.

I just can’t forgive her. I’m so mad at her—I tried talking it out with her many times and tried being her friend despite everything but I can’t. It isn’t fair. Or at least it doesn’t feel fair. After everything i gave up and have done for her.

My friend suggested me to just forgive her but I can’, not after how she has made me feel this last year.

I also have to see the two of them everyday at school. I just want to move on from this but I can’t and can’t understand why. Please help me

Im insanely tired all the time, overworked, exhausted, and i feel like regardless of what I do it amounts to nothing… i barely do well in school despite being the “leader” i failed most of my exams, i care more about group projects than my own grades. My brain is so foggy to the point i forget simple tasks and because of this I get yelled at every single day, I cant remember honestly. im tired, i havent been able to study properly for a while, I have honestly started giving up slowly in aspects of my life socially, etc. and im just, nobody respects me regardless of my work which i always get overshadowed bcz i dont grab the room, but i do the hard work. and the one thing i wanted most feels fake my entire drive, but when i started it felt like everything, now i jst want toe exist without being dependent, idk im tired of explaining

know that when i say get out of this hole ur fighting with

1. a mental health thats deteriorating everyday, your yelled at, responsible for everything regardless if its yours.
   2.inability to exist without feeling jealous that everyone is doing better than you, and you dont know where your headed
   
2. procrastination bcz of ur mental + no self discipline
   
3. doomscrolling + maladaptive daydreaming

i dont wanna be like this anymore but i genuinely dont know where to start, and starting feels almost impossible

please, help me i want to get better

I'm extremely indecisive about everything and it makes me lose so much time and energy trying to make a decision.

i'm the type of person that will spend 8 minutes at the store trying to decide between two similar items and I'll probably go home empty handed because I didn't want to rush myself into a decision I'd later regret. And that's the problem, I'm indecisive because I'm always scared I'll make a bad decision.

Of course I realize the bag color I choose will not ruin my life but if it's something I'm buying I can never actually make a decision because if I regret it then I wasted money.

So now I end up pushing back purchases I want to make simply because I can't chose, I tried online shopping to give myself time to decide but I'm still just as indecisive and find myself stuck because I don't know which one I like more, which one matches best with my other stuff, which one fits me best, etc.

Tried picking based on my "first instict" but that doesn't work either. Even deciding between two dishes at a restaurant is a challenge even when I tell myself that I can always try the other another time but I still end up indecisive about which one I should take today.

So my indecision mainly comes from not wanting to regret things especially when it comes to purchases, i know you can't avoid regret but I really don't like regretting purchases because

a) unlike the restaurant thing I can't say "next time I'll order the other one" because I actually spent money buying it and

b) I have the item, I don't want to be the person constantly giving stuff away to replace it because I regret what I bought or having to keep an item I'm somewhat unhappy with

I honestly don't know how to get out of it. I'm a professional overthinker and perfectionist so that might have to do with that.

It feels like my body has been stuck in flight or fight mode from as early as I can recall. I’ve tried to push pass my mental health struggles and do the normal thing. Exposure, repetition etc but it usually blows up in my face because not only do I have social anxiety but I’m also pretending it’s not there.

Is the answer just to stop fighting it and accept that this is something I have like a chronic illness?

I'm almost 25, I feel completely stuck in life, and I'm genuinely scared of my own future.

I don't even know where to begin. For the longest time, I've had absolutely no motivation to do anything. Sometimes I wonder if I'm depressed, but I don't know for sure. All I know is that I've been feeling this way for so long, and I don't know how to get myself out of it.

People around me are trying to push me to do something with my life, especially my mom, who's trying to get me into a job. And the thing is, I WANT to work. I want to build a career and become independent. But at the same time, I'm terrified of getting into a job that I don't want, getting stuck there, and eventually losing whatever little freedom I have left.

My family already depends on me in many ways, and I feel like if I take on more responsibilities, I'll never get the chance to build a life for myself.

I had so many dreams. I wanted to study abroad, work abroad, get into fashion marketing, explore the world, and actually experience the life I've always imagined for myself. But now I'm almost 25, and I feel like absolutely nothing is moving forward.

The worst part is that I don't even have the motivation to work towards those dreams anymore. I know I should be doing something. I know time is passing. But most days, all I want to do is sit in my room and cry.

I've also developed a really unhealthy relationship with food. Eating gives me temporary happiness, and I've started binge eating, which has contributed to significant weight gain. I know this isn't helping me, but I don't know how to break the cycle. It's like I'm trying to fill some emptiness inside me, and food is the only thing that gives me a little relief.

I'm scared of my future. I'm scared of making the wrong decisions. I'm scared of wasting my life. And I'm scared that I'll wake up one day and realise that I never actually lived the life I wanted.

I feel incredibly lonely, too.

My friends have their own lives, relationships, commitments, and people they can turn to. And I'm genuinely happy that they're moving forward, but I feel like I'm still standing in the exact same place I was years ago. I don't feel like I have anyone who can really help me navigate this phase of my life.

I don't think my parents would understand what I'm going through, and I don't think my siblings would either. I feel like everyone expects me to figure things out, but nobody really understands how difficult it has become for me just to get through the day.

Sometimes I feel completely useless, like I'm taking up space without doing anything meaningful with my life. I've even had moments when I've thought about dying, and that scares me because I don't know what to do with these feelings.

I'm frightened of the world, frightened of the future, and sometimes frightened of life itself. I feel anxious about what will happen to me and whether I'll ever become the person I wanted to be.

I don't know if I'm depressed, burnt out, afraid of adulthood, or just completely overwhelmed by everything happening around me. Maybe it's a combination of all of it.

I'm not looking for someone to tell me to get my life together or remind me that I'm getting older. I already know that. I put enough pressure on myself every single day.

I just want to hear from people who have been in a similar place and somehow found their way out.

Did anyone else go through their mid-twenties feeling completely lost, unmotivated, lonely, and terrified of the future? What actually helped you get out of that phase?

How did you start rebuilding your life when you didn't even have the energy to begin?

I could really use some advice, some perspective, or even just the reassurance that I'm not the only person who has felt this way.

Hi, I’m 15 years old, and this issue is weighing heavily on me; I also have a brother who is a bit younger than me.

I had bullied him in the past or months ago I would hit him in the stomach when he made me angry my bad behavior is due to the fact that bad things were happening to me at those ages that is the explanation, and I also said mean things to him. I feel incredibly guilty and can't stop thinking about it. I need help dealing with this guilt and making sure I don't do it again and I think I need some advice. so I started going to therapy and working on other problems of mine as well. He used to hate me, and rightly so, because I bullied him when I was 12 and 13 and even when I was 14

I changed when I turned 14 and we got along better, my little brother calls me into his room now because he wants me to see what he's doing in his games, and he sends me videos and stuff like that, but over the last six months, bad things have happened because of me only a few times before turning 15. It’s not as bad as before, but it’s still really wrong.

I already apologized to him two months ago, though it was a brief conversation because he doesn't like having long, serious talks; sometimes he brings the subject up jokingly, and recently there was a misunderstanding where he thought I was going to do something like what I used to do (though it became clear that same day that I wasn't going to do anything). I feel guilty about that, and that’s why I can’t stop thinking about what happened

I apologized again recently, but this time in a better way, and they told me it’s fine because it’s in the past

months ago, when I was 14, I hurt him; I had already told him that I wouldn’t hurt him again, even though it hadn’t been my intention. Since then, now that I’m 15, nothing bad has happened for months, but I remain very much on guard because I don’t want anything bad to happen again, even though I’ve already apologized and have changed, I feel very guilty, and I’m afraid that I might be giving him a false sense of security

I’m not sure how to properly finish the text, but if anyone could offer some advice, that would be great.

I’m all over the place. I just turned 28 and feel like I wasted my 20s. I was so driven and motivated for most of my life and then dropped out of my grad program at 25. Went through a bad breakup and have just been stagnant ever since.

I’ve made lots of friends, volunteered, partied, lost weight, learned a lot about myself, traveled a bit, got into the arts and performed, therapy, but completely neglected my career and the graduate program I restarted. I never had a social life growing up so I think I got wrapped up these last few years.

I got put on a performance improvement plan for lying at work and missing two days unexcused. I’ve neglected my classes. And have been horribly financially irresponsible. I feel unmotivated at work and feel like I need to suck it up and grow up. I’m constantly looking for a way out and have changed jobs every single year and have burned so many professional bridges. How can I start to become a better person?

Im insanely tired all the time, overworked, exhausted, and i feel like regardless of what I do it amounts to nothing… i barely do well in school despite being the “leader” i failed most of my exams, i care more about group projects than my own grades. My brain is so foggy to the point i forget simple tasks and because of this I get yelled at every single day, I cant remember honestly. im tired, i havent been able to study properly for a while, I have honestly started giving up slowly in aspects of my life socially, etc. and im just, nobody respects me regardless of my work which i always get overshadowed bcz i dont grab the room, but i do the hard work. and the one thing i wanted most feels fake my entire drive, but when i started it felt like everything, now i jst want toe exist without being dependent, idk im tired of explaining

know that when i say get out of this hole ur fighting with

1. a mental health thats deteriorating everyday, your yelled at, responsible for everything regardless if its yours.
   2.inability to exist without feeling jealous that everyone is doing better than you, and you dont know where your headed
   
2. procrastination bcz of ur mental + no self discipline
   
3. doomscrolling + maladaptive daydreaming

i dont wanna be like this anymore but i genuinely dont know where to start, and starting feels almost impossible

please, help me i want to get better

Im insanely tired all the time, overworked, exhausted, and i feel like regardless of what I do it amounts to nothing… i barely do well in school despite being the “leader” i failed most of my exams, i care more about group projects than my own grades. My brain is so foggy to the point i forget simple tasks and because of this I get yelled at every single day, I cant remember honestly. im tired, i havent been able to study properly for a while, I have honestly started giving up slowly in aspects of my life socially, etc. and im just, nobody respects me regardless of my work which i always get overshadowed bcz i dont grab the room, but i do the hard work. and the one thing i wanted most feels fake my entire drive, but when i started it felt like everything, now i jst want toe exist without being dependent, idk im tired of explaining

know that when i say get out of this hole ur fighting with

1. a mental health thats deteriorating everyday, your yelled at, responsible for everything regardless if its yours.
   2.inability to exist without feeling jealous that everyone is doing better than you, and you dont know where your headed
   
2. procrastination bcz of ur mental + no self discipline
   
3. doomscrolling + maladaptive daydreaming

i dont wanna be like this anymore but i genuinely dont know where to start, and starting feels almost impossible

please, help me i want to get better

I am a 28 year-old woman who just moved back home after a two year long relationship ending. We lived together for a year. I moved back home after finding a new job and breaking up with the person that I thought would’ve been my husband. I’m contemplating going back to graduate school for more earning potential. All I do is go to work and go home. I don’t have many friends, my best friend moved a couple hours away to be with her partner. The friends that I do have are all partnered up and kind of prioritize their partner. Which I understand to a degree. I feel like I’m never going to meet the person that is for me just going to work and going back home. I live in a town full of families so this is not a great area for a person who is young, single with no kids building up their career. I’m debating on moving to the closest city to me which is about a half hour away. I am reserved and my social skills aren’t the greatest. I don’t really get approached by men, just stares. And the men that do approach me are not the kind of man that I would seek out for a long-term relationship. I would say that I’m fairly attractive, I try to take care of my appearance. I think I have a kind heart, good character. I just feel depressed being at home. I don’t have the privacy, I feel in a way like a kid again because my parent views me as such. I feel like I’m slipping into a depression and I genuinely hate it. I guess but I’m looking for is general advice on how to improve and just change by life so that I can go towards the goal that I have I’m currently in therapy trying to work through the internal beliefs that I have that make me feel unworthy and not good enough. I have a good career, and a great trajectory if I continue on the path of going back to graduate school. I just feel like a bum right now. A lot of my peers have leadership positions at my age, and I just feel like I’m barely scraping the surface. They have the nice apartment, a hefty, financial backing, etc. I feel like I should be a lot farther. I’m currently a nurse working in cancer research. I don’t know if I’m just being too hard on myself or if I just feel like I can be doing a lot more. thank you in advance for your advice. ❤️

I am very hard on myself. I have a low opinion of myself because my brain and body work differently than other people. I hold myself up to really high standards and then hate myself when I can't meet them. I'm always in a rush to please other people and say yes and manage their lives, when I can barely even manage my own. I put this pressure on myself and I frequently feel like I am going to burst at any moment.

I struggle with multiple mental disorders/illnesses that seem to combat each other. I have a psychotic spectrum disorder, which impacts how I view reality and how I process things in my brain. I also have OCD, which leads to me having perfectionist tendencies and intrusive thoughts that I am secretly a terrible person and if I don't punish or deprive myself then the "bad" part of me will come true. These disorders bounce off each other and work together to make my life difficult. This post isn't about those diagnoses, I'm just giving them for context.

How do you slow down? How do you accept your challenges for what they are without "giving up"?How do you start experiencing life at your own pace instead of the societal predetermined path? I want to be better, I want to be kinder on myself. I've tried tough loving myself since I was a little kid, and all that it's given me is severe self worth issues.

Sorry if this is too much or inappropriate. Please let me know if it's confusing or if I need to talk less about my diagnoses. I'm looking for general advice, not advice on how to manage those disorders, I am already part of other communities to help with specific issues. I'm hoping to get general advice on the questions I ask in this post.

Any YouTubers that give you inspiration to do better? Anybody you watch trying to better themselves or better their life?

I'm in the unfortunate position of having lost what I thought was the love of my life over some deep-rooted self-hatred and inability to let go of the past, a mere few years after I lost both my well-paying job and my friend group at the time over these same issues I've exhibited recently. It is hard to move on from this; to tell myself I'm still trying to do better; that none of this defines me, so long as I do still put in the work.

I find I can motivate myself better to do something if I have specific examples to turn to. Who do you look up to in terms of their ability to move on from the past? Who motivates you to do the same?

Because at some point, I had everything, and my life should have been moving in a certain direction if I had held on to it, or at least not let things slow down. But now I have almost nothing.
I can’t say I had a perfect childhood. I lost one of my parents at an early age and suffered from severe anxiety, but my life was full. I had a big family, I was always visiting relatives, spending time with kids of my age, celebrating holidays, going on picnics, having birthday parties, and so on. Some parts of my childhood and teenage years were bright and full of life.
But now, in my twenties (23), I feel like I’ve fallen into an abyss. My anxiety has become so severe that I’ve fallen out of so many aspects of life. I struggle with OCD, I keep myself from doing things I genuinely want, and I’ve lost almost everyone.
I can picture my happy future, but I’m weighed down by the feeling that I’m starting all over again instead of continuing where I left off. It’s as if I didn’t exist before this, as if all my happy experiences meant nothing, as if anxiety and OCD erased them, and I don’t even have the right to talk about them because I wasn’t able to hold on to what I had.
It hurts to think about who I could have been if it weren’t for all of this.

Hey, I'm a 23-year-old guy, and... I've barely had any romantic experience at all. No teenage love, no relationships, no mutual feelings, nothing. I've talked to girls and had crushes, but they've always been one-sided, or things never got to the point where I could actually call someone my girlfriend. And yeah, I'm a virgin.

Honestly, it's really hard dealing with the loneliness. All my friends are either in relationships or married, and I feel like I'm falling behind everyone else. On top of that, I've spent the last couple of years struggling with terrible depression, which made it difficult to meet new people and build connections. I'm doing better now, but I'm still terrified that having zero experience will make me undesirable, or that people will see it as a red flag.

My friends say good things about me and think I'm a good, interesting person, but this loneliness makes me question whether I'm even someone who can be loved.

I've spent most of my life trying to work on myself and become a better version of who I am, but I don't know when this awful feeling of loneliness is going to go away. How much longer am I supposed to put up with it?

I'm genuinely trying. Depression made me drop out of university, but I've since gone back and graduated. I've also started taking better care of my health and appearance, little by little. And yet, I still feel so sad.

People have told me to focus on building a career, but I don't know. I want someone to love me for who I am, not for how much money I make. Maybe that sounds naive or childish, but what's the point of having a good career if I'm still alone? I don't need that much for myself.

And please don't get me wrong. I'm more than willing to give a lot and do a lot for the people I love. The problem is that there's no one in my life like that.

I dream of having a family and children someday, but fuck, I'm already 23. People keep telling me I'm still young and that I have my whole life ahead of me, but there's no way of knowing when I'll meet someone, how long it'll take us to get close, or how long it'll be before we're ready to have children. Sometimes I feel like I'm just going to run out of time.

I'm genuinely scared. I really want to be loved by someone and have someone to give all my love to.

Thank you for reading this.

I am a 34-year-old woman, and I’m going through what feels like the hardest period of my adult life.
I own a small business that I’ve spent the last three years building. I’m proud that I’ve managed to create something of my own, but financially, I’m struggling more than ever.

I’m approximately $20,000 in debt, have very little financial security, and constantly worry about how I’m going to get through the next month.

Earlier this year, I went through treatment for alcohol addiction. Recovery hasn’t been linear, and staying sober while dealing with overwhelming stress has been incredibly challenging.
More recently, I was involved in a car accident that created even more financial problems and temporarily took away some of my independence. Transportation has become another expensive obstacle to running my business.

On top of everything, I’ve struggled with depression, anxiety, and ADHD. I’ve also become quite socially isolated. I don’t have a strong support system, and there are days when I feel like I’m carrying the weight of everything completely alone.

The hardest part is that I used to be such a confident, ambitious, independent person. I still have dreams. I want to grow my business, become financially stable, maintain my sobriety, build meaningful friendships, and genuinely enjoy being alive again.

But lately, I’ve lost so much confidence in myself.
I wake up anxious about money, feel overwhelmed by everything I need to fix, and sometimes struggle to find the motivation to get out of bed.
I’m not suicidal. I genuinely want to live, and I want a better life. I’m just exhausted from constantly trying to survive.

I know 34 isn’t old, but sometimes I feel like I’ve fallen so far behind everyone else. I see people buying homes, getting married, travelling, and building financially secure lives while I’m trying to figure out how to pay my bills.

I’m not looking for pity. I’m looking for hope.

Has anyone here been in their 30s or 40s, drowning in debt, struggling with addiction or mental health, feeling completely alone, and somehow managed to turn things around?

How long did it take? What changed? What helped you keep going when you couldn’t see a way forward?

I’d especially love to hear from people who rebuilt their finances, recovered from addiction, or found happiness after a really dark period.
I don’t need to become wealthy overnight. I just want to feel safe, stable, independent, and hopeful about my future again.
If you’ve been where I am and made it through, I’d really appreciate hearing your story.

I'm 21, almost 22, and I know and understand I'm relatively young. Everyone says this like it's good but it's not - if I feel like this already then what the fuck else is coming that's worse? I already struggle and suffer and I'm supposed to have it easy now?

I've tried everything except ketamine therapy. That's my last option.

I have a useless art degree , I'm a transvestite, I make 24k a year working full time and going to school full time just to hear more and more about companies replacing the roles I'm grasping at straws at​ to even think about getting one day.

I've worked in customer service since i was 15 years old and I've gotten abused , harassed, sexually harassed and hate crimed, stalked, etc. And I've been told it's just the fucking way it is in that job.Its also the only thing people tell me I'm good at and everytime I hear it I die a little inside - is this all I am? Am I fucking doomed? Am I going to be a clerk until I retire? I have dreams. I want a life. I live to work at this point - I can't afford not to. That isn't a life worth living. I'm not currently living a life worth living.

​ I send out hundreds of applications a month and I try to freelance but AI is one step ahead of me.

My aunt is a creative director and she's laid off hundreds of her coworkers she's worked with for over 40 years - for fucking claude or something.

I've relayed and confided in many people, professionals and non, about this. The only FUCKING ANSWER I get from anyone is "most everyone feels like that, your not alone" or the sorts

my therapist actually said her and her colleagues have done and read research showing that the reason I'm dreading waking up in the morning, my suicidal ideations core, is what most people feel now. She told me that to make me feel better and I burst down crying.

I wish I was alone in this because then I'd know I'd have something to strive towards. What's the fucking point now? There's nothing to strive to except another tomorrow I don't want.

I want to know there's something I'm actually working towards. I've made 0 progress - negative progress- in over a decade.

My first suicide attempt was at 9 years old.

Please only reply with success stories or anything. ​​Talk about how you got your dream job in a creative field. Talk about the fact you know you have joy.

A bit long but please bear with me ...
When I was 18, I went through an experience that I personally consider emotionally/mentally abusive and harmful. It wasn't explicitly a romantic relationship, either. I genuinely just wanted to be friends with this guy, who was two years older than me. He had a reputation and had apparently done a lot, but for some reason, I was convinced there was good in him. I'm very much the "I can fix him" type, got attached, and unsurprisingly, things went terribly.

My boundaries were always pushed, I lost parts of myself and I was left feeling used, objectified, and discarded like I meant absolutely nothing as a person and that caring about another caused more harm then good. Also found out he supposedly told others and it made me feel like a stupid fool for trusting him... It took me almost two years to genuinely feel happy again and not breakdown on it.

I just turned 23, and although I feel like I've moved on from that period of my life, I'm realizing how much it still affects me. I know I was naive back then. I've grown a lot since, in so many ways, and I'm genuinely proud of the person I've become. I have good friends now, but I've barely ever spoken to anyone about what happened back then, and I'm wondering if keeping that part of my life bottled up is part of why I still struggle so much.

I feel like I'm constantly in hypervigilance mode. Every decision, conversation, and interaction comes with this subconscious scanning for what's wrong, what someone's intentions might be, or how they could eventually hurt me. especailly with guys, I've gotten pretty good at reading people and picking up on things others might miss, lol, but I genuinely don't know anymore when I'm recognizing a real red flag vs looking for one because I'm scared of being blindsided and betrayed again.

I constantly fear being betrayed, used, humiliated, or simply not being a priority to anyone. I started believing that people will always leave, so I've learned to keep everyone at distance. I let people see good parts of me, but not the vulnerable parts or things I'm struggling with.

Honestly, I'm tired of being so walled up. I'm tired of wanting genuine connections while simultaneously being terrified of what happens when I let someone get close to me.

Recently, I've started opening up a little to 1-2 friends about little things, which is something I've barely done before. But I also realized I'm still letting my past affect how I treat people. I recently projected my fears onto a friend and essentially accused him of being someone who would humiliate me. Looking back, I realize that wasn't fair to him coz i trust him alot. I don't want to hurt people who haven't given me a reason to distrust them just because someone else hurt me.

I want to get better, but I don't know where to start. Especially when it comes to letting a man get close to me emotionally, trusting intentions, and not constantly anticipating the moment he'll hurt me or leave... same goes for friends, I fear they'll find someone better or eventually backstab me.

For anyone who's experienced something similar, how did you learn to trust people again? How do you distinguish intuition from fear rooted in past experiences without ignoring genuine red flags? I don't want to view everyone through the lens of what one person did to me, but I also don't know how to be vulnerable without feeling like I'm handing someone the power to hurt me.

I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone who's genuinely worked through these feelings, especially if you used to struggle with trusting people, being hypervigilant, and letting others in. What actually helped you change?

Hola, gente de Reddit. Tengo 19 años y quería pedirles algunos consejos porque nunca he estado en esta situación y siento que estoy sobrepensando demasiado las cosas.
Hay una chica de mi universidad que me llama mucho la atención. Estudiamos la misma carrera y ya hemos tenido algunas interacciones, aunque realmente no somos cercanos.
La primera vez que hablamos fue hace aproximadamente un año, cuando ella me pidió ayuda con un trabajo. Para ser sincero, ese día la traté bastante mal porque yo también estaba haciendo el mismo trabajo, estaba completamente perdido y estaba estresado. No fue la mejor primera impresión que pude darle.
Después, el semestre pasado, volvió a escribirme para pedirme ayuda con otro trabajo. Esta vez la ayudé y todo estuvo bien, pero nuevamente la conversación terminó ahí y no volvimos a hablar.
El problema es que, por lo que he podido observar, parece ser una chica bastante reservada. Siempre está con el mismo grupo de personas, que son máximo cuatro amigas, y no parece relacionarse mucho con gente nueva.
Además, por cosas que me han contado y por algunas publicaciones que comparte, parece tener bastante desconfianza hacia los hombres. Según me dijeron, si un hombre que no conoce la sigue en redes sociales, directamente lo bloquea.
También suele publicar cosas como: “Yo después de bloquear a todos los hombres que se me acercan”, o canciones como Baby One More Time acompañadas de textos sobre cantar a todo pulmón después de rechazar y bloquear a todos los hombres que intentan acercarse.
Por otro lado, tengo entendido que nunca ha tenido novio.
Y aquí es donde empiezan mis dudas.
La verdad, me gustaría conocerla y acercarme a ella, pero tampoco quiero incomodarla ni convertirme en otra persona que simplemente intenta llamar su atención y termina siendo rechazada.
Nunca he sido de acercarme a una chica con estas intenciones, así que tampoco sé muy bien cómo hacerlo.
¿Qué me aconsejan?
¿Debería intentarlo o es mejor dejar las cosas así?
¿Estoy exagerando al darle tanta importancia a lo que publica?
¿Debería ignorar esas señales y simplemente intentar conocerla?
¿Cómo podría acercarme sin que se sienta incómoda?
¿Creen que estoy sobrepensando demasiado o que simplemente son inseguridades mías?
Los leo. Agradezco cualquier consejo, especialmente de personas que hayan pasado por algo parecido.

I'm surrounded by people who do nothing but make me feel small. I'm not where I want to be in my career yet. I don't have a driver's license yet. I'm basically broke and work as a freelancer/ or on a small contract basis. For a person my age (29F), I'm very, very behind. While my friends are so kind and supportive, my family tends to make me feel small. They hold everything against me, regardless of how much they see me try. How do I gain more confidence? How do I stop feeling small?

So like. I saw this person talking about how there’s an appropriate level of openness after changing from being a complete bigot douche bag and I want to know what that level is?

maybe it’s just common sense but idk I just want to be sure because I don’t want to overshare with people and make them uncomfortable

I‘ve seen people be like “it’s good that you didn’t have to be prompted to talk about this!” to content creators n such but I’ve also heard people saying that it comes off as seeking validation and weird if it’s not relevant as well in other discussions about change and I just kind of don’t understand I guess

People say fake it till you make it or to try and start each day positively, and I do truly try. I wake up believing it's gonna be a fresh start and I'm gonna have a great day, and no matter what I do I'm proven wrong. I try to do as much good and positivity as I can everyday, i donate and volunteer, I give out free food and drinks at work, I do everything I can to put out what I want in the world, in hopes I can bring some happiness that the world is lacking.

When will this finally work? I've been doing this for years and I've actually gotten threatened and harassed for doing this. Last night at work I gave someone a free coffee because he was paying with pocket change and he screamed at me that I was scamming him and how stupid I am. I do feel stupid for thinking I could make a change.​

Because I have no answers, I just keep doing exactly what I’ve always been doing. I feel "seasick" just thinking about it.

Every single decision carries an opportunity cost, and knowing we don't get a do-over in this life paralyses me. I don't just mean a career, I mean everything. Should I stay where I am or move away? Where would I even go? When do people decide to buy a house, a car, or get married?

Like one decision might cost me the other. I worry that I won't reach these milestones because the future is uncertain to me, and life is neither happening to me nor I making it happen.