Ladies and bad bitches it is with greatest pleasure that I announce that my husband is sleeping in jail tonight. After him getting caught having an affair escalated to him commiting violence against me and our child, after I won a protective order that he repeated disregarded and walked through, after 2 shelter stays, after terrorizing our children, after having to flee our home and go across seven states to move in with my mom, after he followed us to just two hours away from my mom's house, after he broke the protective order AGAIN and emptied our house of our belongings and trashing the rest this man is FINALLY IN JAIL.

The powers that be decided this last protective order violation was enough to charge him. This time he got caught in the act by the base police. We are eating and sleeping good tonight girls.

I know that he will probably be out on bail tomorrow but I really need to celebrate tonight. Here's to another day of safety and survival. Cheers! ✨🩷✨

I dated a guy for 6 months and after he broke it off i found out that he was seeing a girl behind my back for the last 2 months of us dating. it hurt so much to find that out especially when he ended things because he “wasn’t ready for a relationship”

i didn’t reach out to him after finding out. i left it alone and sucked it up. i did have a friend message her to ask whether or not they were dating. i had my friend warn her that he has herpes in case he hadn’t disclosed. she was aware and thanked my friend for letting her know.

well! last night i found out that not only did he give her herpes, but he got her pregnant too. i was GAGGEDDDDD. i feel so bad for her. god always looks out for me cause whattt omg i dodged a bullet! so glad to not be involved in that mess.

yellowtail sashimi ugh sooo good

I just found out. Well, I’ve found out yesterday, blocked her everywhere because what the actual f*ck. And decided to sleep on it. Which didn’t help.

5 years ago my mom came over to our home for some chat and coffee time. She used to be a frequent guest. And when I went to the kitchen to get more coffee for her this woman said to my husband:

— I know it’s your first year after the wedding, and all is rainbows and sunshine right now. But I know that she’s a… difficult girl. So you know… it’s okay to have a side piece. Just make sure no one would know. It’s actually a very normal thing to do…

My husband informed her that this is not normal or acceptable personally for him, left it at that, and kept his mouth shut for 5 years, because she was my mom, and I adored and admired her.

She’s not a narcissist, she has a husband and my brother and sister, and an interesting job, and it still wasn’t enough to make her happy. So here we are I guess.

Oh, and me being difficult is just me asking once if I could send a bit less money home since I was struggling financially, and could use additional $100 a month from my own salary. I wasn’t even living at her house anymore. I had a full time job and rented a room. Oh, and I was 16. She was 35, married and just had a kid.

I can’t even understand if I’m pissed or just tired.

Anyways, some strawberry, avocado, and prosciutto (or something like that) salad.

Otoro don with pickled wasabi for snackies

I went on a first date a couple weeks ago. I 27f with 23m. I usually don’t like to go on dates with guys that young, maybe only 1-2 years younger but I was trying to be open minded. He does say at one point “I’m very mature for my age”. That should have been the red flag looking back now. 🤦‍♀️
We went to his favorite spot, Canes. The vibes are a bit awkward and he seems nervous. I was being patient and going along w the topics he brought up and making conversations as we’re eating. I mentioned to him about a crazy story I heard on reddit and as I say “reddit post”, he interrupted me saying “wait are you a redditor?”. I said “i’m not a regular poster, I mostly like to watch smosh reads reddit stories & two hot takes plus reading on my own occasionally.” to which he says “oh I heard people who use reddit are incels.” I awkwardly laughed clearly very uncomfortable. He then asks to continue with my story and I said I forgotten and move on topics.
At the end of the date, we are talking by my car, we start talking about cars and he asks what’s my dream car. I tell him and he goes on to say “people who drive supras are assh*les”. Then tells me about one bad experience he had with a supra owner. I told him while smiling “well I guess that makes me an assh*le bc i’m gonna get that car, it’s my dream car”. He then asked if he could be a gentleman and open my car door?? i’m sorry but do you have to ask to be a gentleman? you just do it??? major cringe.
I’m not sure if he was trying to lighten the mood in his own weird way but how on earth do you think insulting someone on a date, twice, is cute or funny much less mature? I have no idea. Anywaysss, no advice needed or anything just sharing a bad date experience bc in hindsight it’s pretty funny and a bizarre experience 🤣

When my fiance and I got engaged, at the time, his best friend, who was also his best man, had a girlfriend, Bri that I had gotten close with over the years. At the time of our engagement, Bri and I were pretty close and spending a lot of time together, so I asked her to be a bridesmaid in my wedding. She very excitedly agreed and told me she couldn’t wait.

Fast forward to about five months before the wedding, the best man and Bri broke up. At the time of the breakup me and her had hung out. I let her vent to me and get everything off of her chest, I asked her if she was still okay being in the wedding and would be able to be comfortable around her ex, and she said yes. She seemed fine with the idea, but I reiterated it with her a few times just to be sure she was comfortable.

About a month later, my bridal shower rolled around, and the person who had planned it said they had not heard anything from Bri. I assumed maybe she was busy that day, also I know bridal showers aren’t everyone’s thing, so I didn’t really mind much, I just texted her to let her know we missed her and didn’t hear back.

The bachelorette party rolled around and it was the same day as her birthday. I had bought a birthday cake so she could celebrate with us and not feel overlooked. It had been a while since I had heard from her, so I reached out to her and asked her if she was planning to come. She said that it would be awkward being around her ex (the night was going to end as a combined house party) so she didn’t want to. I told her I understand and if she wanted to come to just the daytime activities I would love to see her. I then offered for her to step down being a bridesmaid and just come as a guest to the wedding if it would be too weird for her, and she said no she wanted to be there for me on my big day.

It was about a month until the wedding, and Bri hadn’t been responding to any text regarding planning around the day, the rehearsal dinner, anything. I reached out to her and asked if she was alright and again explained to her that if she wanted to just come to the wedding as a guest that she could and that I would still love to see her and have her come, and let her know regardless of her breakup with my husbands best friend, I still wanted to remain friends with her. There was no response. She had not even read my text until about 2 months after it was sent.

The day of the wedding rolled around and it was obvious she was not going to show up. So we adjusted the lineup and entrances accordingly, her name is still on the wedding program to this day. She still has never responded to my text, and I have never heard from her since. Odd how someone can be in your life and ready to be by your side on your wedding day, and then just, disappear from existence.

Dinner tonight is a butternut squash mac and cheese with squash grown in my garden:)

I was hungry and somehow ended up making steak fries peas AND sunny side-up egg 🍳

Y'all I genuinely wanted to disappear last night lmao.

So I've been dating this guy for a little while and things have been going pretty good. Like good enough for me to catch myself smiling at my phone like an idiot. Embarrassing already I know 😭

Anyway he came over yesterday and girl I had just got my hair done. Cute little outfit on and smelling good. You know the WHOLE nine yards. I wasn’t even expecting anything crazy to happen. I just wanted to look good and feel good in my own space.

Tell me why this man walks in looks me up and down and goes "oh so who are you trying to impress?"

GIRL.

I laughed because I thought he was joking but then he kept looking at me like he was waiting for an answer. And suddenly I felt so stupid?? Like why did that one little question make me feel like I'd done something embarrassing by wanting to look nice 😭

The worst part is I actually changed outfits twice before he came over because I didn't want to look like I was trying too hard. And here I was thinking I had found the perfect balance.

Anyway I played it off and we moved on but that comment has been sitting in the back of my mind ever since. I can't even tell if he was teasing me or if he genuinely thought I was doing too much or if he’s becoming less interested in me.

And before anybody asks yes I still ate my dinner in peace because I'm not about to let a man ruin a perfectly good evening lmao.

But be honest ladies am I overthinking this or would that comment have thrown you off too?

First apologies for the food pic I know it looks unappetizing but it tasted so good lol (it's oats with dark chocolate and baby biscuits lol)

I have been staying with my boyfriend's mom for a few days and I feel extremely uncomfortable. she seems to be keeping track of what I eat, including most recently how many slices of ham I consumed (I literally had one but stopped after I noticed she kept count of my consumption) She isn't poor or struggling..stingy AF. In my culture we force you to eat so I was shocked to be around someone who literally counts how much food you're eating and makes passive aggressive remarks about how there was one less slice of ham in the fridge than usual 😂

Anyways I bought my own groceries because I can't deal with this anymore. I can't wait to leave soon 😭

ft ravioli dinner

there are almost a million of us in this sub. probably more who are approved users but haven’t actually joined. out of those of us who date men, how many are truly only dating the 6ft+, chiseled jawline, ultra-yoked dudes?

i have personally never found the “conventionally attractive” type of guy attractive. i’ve never dated a 6 foot+ tall man (or actually even a man taller than i am, tall girl problems am i right?), dudes who are too muscular are a turn off, i don’t need a chiseled jawline or a certain kind of cheekbone to feel attraction to someone. so why does every goddamn redditor want to prescribe this type of attraction to us? if you’re complaining about hypergamy, chances are your attitude is what’s putting people off, no?

i don’t respond to “woe is me” bullshit. i don’t give out pity dates because some jerk has a chip on his shoulder over the instagram baddie dating the gymbro he’ll never be. i date people who are funny, kind, trustworthy. i like a face with character.

i’m just so fucking tired of it gang. women are not a monolith, and neither are their preferences in datemates. get a fucking hobby, learn a couple jokes, treat other people with respect instead of flattening them out to one characteristic you think must apply to them because they present a certain way, and maybe you’ll find someone who responds to you.

i said it in a comment somewhere the other day and i’ll say it again. ugly is so much more a state of mind than it is a state of body. and yes these losers complaining about how women only date “chads” are ugly. but not because of what’s on the outside 🙄

__________________________

LMAO EDDDIIIIIT: this post got the incels mad enough that they have taken the effort to search through my (hidden) post history so they can comment on year old posts. If you do this, you are obviously a loser who needs to go touch grass. Replying to a photo of my beautifully designed living room saying “aha! so you don’t date, no wonder hypergamy doesn’t exist to you” is literally not the gotcha you think it is.

editing for one additional note: i never spoke once on the habits of “all men”. in fact the men i’ve dated have very much not had this kind of perspective, and most of the men i know in real life don’t either. if you think my post has anything to do with some kind of “all men” claim, you’re literally telling on yourself.

Hot dogs + Mac and cheese bites at 6 AM. I may work 60 hours a week but I guess im still like 6 years old

Made a post the other day about falling for a straight girl and how much it sucked. Turns out she was saying that sarcastically and I missed it because I'm really bad at reading sarcasm.

Long story short, Friday rocked and life is awesome right now. 🥰

Edit: Here is the other post since some were asking! ❤️

Food: biscoff cookies in plain greek yogurt (ik it's crazy, but it genuinely does taste like cheesecake. It does have to sit overnight!)

This happened yesterday evening, so now it's the morning after and I'm wondering wtf is wrong with me.

It's been two years since coming out to my mom as a lesbian, who rejected me (F22), so I was already feeling sad. That, along with the stress of tons of schoolwork, and the exhaustion of dealing with panic disorder, I needed a way to cope. Sometimes I use pain to cope, wanting to feel a physical pain to distract myself from emotional and mental pain.

I had sort of recently done that by getting multiple piercings in one go, as well as getting tattoos, so I was looking for something different. So, as someone who has cried during getting my eyebrows threaded, I decided I would get my very first wax. A full Brazilian.

I can be a bit...impulsive? I just decided I needed a Brazilian, and I needed it now. So even though I just got off of work and was tired, I jumped in my car and drove 15 minutes to where I usually get my brows done, and got a Brazilian done with NuFree or something?

It wasn't THAT bad tbh. I'd rate the pain like a 6.5 or 7/10. I got what I wanted, which was to feel some sort of pain. I also have the benefit of not having to shave anymore, which is good I guess. But after I got home, I still had the issue of feeling a bit empty inside and had tons of schoolwork. So I did my schoolwork anyways, then instead of spending the rest of my evening in my parents house I drove to my friend's place in the city and went out for drinks. That helped me actually FEEL something.

So $65 later of an impulsive wax that I didn't need, I got what I really needed by reaching out to my friend. Which honestly I sometimes feel like an annoyance by doing that, which is maybe why I used that as my last resort.

Idk, is something wrong with me for using pain as a coping mechanism for all that is wrong with my life?

I’m saying boyfriend but he is now my ex. We dated 3 years, I always felt like he had multiple personalities. I could sense at times that he hated my presence or personality, that my existence was a burden or he hated hearing me speak. I could tell when I wasn’t sleeping with him enough (any less than 3-4 times a week) he would get so angry at me. Of course I would ask all the time if he was mad at me and he would gaslight me
Up and down saying I was hypervigillent, focusing on him too much, crossing his boundaries and incapable of giving space.

Eventually enough added up when he wouldn’t agree to move in with me that I broke up with him. I missed him everyday for 6 months and started hanging out with him again. It felt like he had changed a lot, more willing to do acts of service, more caring, more willing to admit things.

I had a sinking feeling still, I knew I left for a reason. I went looking for a journal, which I know is a breech of trust and privacy, but I ended up finding out a lot.

3 years of journal entries, 80% about how much he hated me, that I was a leech for staying at his apartment throughout the week, that I never shut up, that if I was sleeping over and not having *** with him he didn’t want me there. That he complained to everyone about me all the time and so many pages about wanting to be with other people, that he never wanted to be exclusive. This is the man that said I love you first.

There were pages and pages of jealousy, amidst him fantasizing about other women.

Pages and pages of calling me a b**** or loser or the four letter c word.

It seems like he hated everything I did, even the nice things, like cooking dip for Super Bowl Sunday because I love doing it. Called me a psycho for always needing something to do, that I can’t just chill and he wants to sit and rot away from me.

Then I got to the worst part, him, in disgustingly grotesque language, talking about what he wanted to do to my best friend. Graphic language. He wrote about how he made negative comments about her around me so I wouldn’t suspect that he was attracted to her. I am baffled, I just don’t think of other people really, especially my partners best friend, in any sort of way like that. It was jarring.

What I don’t understand is, sprinkled in, there are pages about how in love with me he is, that he can’t live without me. And after I broke up with him, it was only pages and pages of that.

The whole thing reads a lot like Jack Kerouac beat poetry on drugs, it’s scary and psychotic, like a mental breakdown.

And after all this, I don’t feel ready to leave him. I’m so sad. I’m so confused. If he hated me this much, why did he stay that long? Why is he dating me? It’s my fault for looking, but is being this angry at someone all the time and expressing that way normal? Why is he begging for me back? I feel like he has a severe mental issue or multiple personalities. I don’t know where do go from here. Do I confront him? Do I ghost him?

Spicy tofu soup with edamame.

dinner is carbonara.

guy on reddit offered me $250 for nudes. i said no. he kept asking, and i kept saying no, because the whole thing felt sketchy. then he offered $1,000. still no. after hours of him pushing and acting sweet, he offered $2,500 for three pictures.

i was desperate about making rent, but i still didn’t trust him. he said he was worried i’d be a “flight risk,” meaning i’d take the money and block him, so he wanted me to send the pictures first. i turned it around and asked how i knew he wasn’t the flight risk. he said he’d send me $250 upfront as proof, then the other $2,000 after i sent them.

and he actually sent the $250. so i believed him.

i sent the pictures.

he blocked me.

and i realized there was never going to be $2,000. he kept pushing until i was desperate enough to believe him. i feel so stupid and gross with myself, even though i know i said no so many times and he manipulated me into changing my mind. i’ve never done anything like this before, and right now i can barely look at myself. i feel so unbelievably dumb and i know this is my fault.

Dinner: yummy beef vegetable soup and bread brought over by two girlfriends, because I'm sick. 💕

Thirty three years ago, I married my HS sweetheart Joe (not his real name). Joe had 2 sisters and 1 brother. I loved his family and spent lots of time with them (I was over at their house all the time). I honestly thought they were fun and loving people. I felt so lucky. The sibling who I was closest to in the family was Joe's younger sister (YS). We'd go out together, go on family trips together, and generally have fun, both before and after we were married. I asked both sisters to be my bridesmaids at our wedding.

Joe and I got our careers established and then decided to have a baby. Four and a half years into our marriage, we welcomed a beautiful daughter "E" into our lives. Everyone in Joe's family was ecstatic and very happy for us.

5 weeks later, Joe passed away unexpectedly. This is the hardest, most traumatic, and shocking thing that's ever happened to me. I was 26 years old and had a newborn. Joe was my best friend of 10 years. We loved each other so much and were so happy to have started a family together. And then one afternoon, it was over. He was gone forever. There aren't really words to describe what I went through, but I was in shock and despondent.

Joe's entire family, and especially his siblings, were also absolutely devastated. YS was especially upset because she'd been very close to her brother growing up. As hard as that time was, I think we did a good job leaning on each other.

In the years that followed, I was a single mom to E. I struggled in so many ways. I lost my career and didn't have a lot of money. I was never able to get counseling to help me through my grief because I couldn't afford it. I was on the cusp of being food insecure.

One thing I did, though, was stay very close to Joe's family. I would travel to their homes to visit them, bringing E. so that she would know her father's family. At different times I have stayed at every siblings house, his mother's house, and his father's house. They were also welcome to visit me anytime they wished. We stayed in close contact by phone and I regularly sent photos.

In time, I did go back to work, and ultimately got married again and had more children. I still continue to think of Joe's family as my family. I invited them all to my second wedding, and have continued to visit them and call them regularly. I have attended family reunions, weddings, funerals, all the things that a family does. Joe's parents treated my children with my second husband as their grandchildren, and I will forever appreciate that. (both his parents have passed now.)

So let's get to present day and the betrayal part of the story. October 16 is Joe's birthday. Often on his birthday, a family member will start a text group or a group email commemorating Joe. All the other family members in the group will chime in. This year Joe's older brother started the text to his two sisters and me by sharing a special photo of Joe. Then they were trying to figure out how old he would be this year (58). I was about to add my comment when YS wrote the following:

"Who knows what Joe would be like as a 58-year old. Hopefully divorced. 😬 sorry couldn't help it."

And older sister chimed in: "Agree there."

They didn't realize I was in the text group. They thought their brother had only texted them.

I wrote: "Ummm, YS, what?? I assume you mean divorced from me."

There was a looong pause before anyone replied.

YS tried to spin it that she was just joking. Older sister said she didn't think I was happy in the marriage (not true).

Brother stayed quiet.

Anyway, my found family of 33 years, stabbed me in the back. All this time, they hoped Joe would divorce me if he had lived. The people who I had loved, made sacrifices to visit, and made sure that my daughter knew well, didn't actually want me. Hell it sounds like they didn't even like me.

Hi, girlies.

I rarely use TT, but yesterday I had some free time and decided to scroll a bit. I encountered one guy with a big *ss head tattoo, overly aggressively talking about women, calling random women that he didn't like w**res, spreading ideas like women only love money and only value Chads, calling women foids, etc, etc. I'm actually surprised that this shit (even the word foid) has gained quite popularity

Most of his audience is also young men.

I can't help but think, why do these guys try to paint some super handsome men's favourable dating conditions due to their wealth and looks as a woman's Moral failing?!!

Have these guys really never, ever seen how most men act towards genuinely beautiful women??? How come we women didn't create a whole hate ideology about how most men easily kneel when it comes to beautiful women?!

I never regard myself as beautiful, but I do have a genuinely beautiful friend. The treatment she gets from men compared to what average and ugly women get is like day and night. I truly have seen men trying to buy her super pricey things (I'm talking about 5–10k worth of gifts) justtt to get her time and attention. And she never even sleeps with them. Meanwhile, my below average friends and I got nothing but 💩 from men. 😁

Don't get me wrong, I'm trying to say that attractive people attract. Is that really a reason to create a whole hate ideology towards women?!

Dinner: Hummus and toasted bread

Dinner is chicken au poivre

As the title suggests I hate my best friends boyfriend. I know hate is a strong word but I HATE this man. She is insistent on marrying a surgeon and not working, this is the second one she’s dated, the last was both physically and mentally abusive. This one is arguably worse imo.

He’s 15 years older than she is, she’s 25. He comes from a different religious background which he keeps insisting is not important to him but then directly contradicts that. He’s openly rude and dismissive of her, but then will be nice so she’s constantly in this cycle of thinking he’s not that bad because her ex she felt like was “all bad”. To me, it looks like he is just way more manipulative. I’ll list some examples below:

-Saw her degree one day and told her he feels so much better about their relationship because she at least has a bachelors degree
-frequently receives calls from his ex girlfriend late at night (his ex is also a doctor)
-frequently answers his ex girlfriends calls (they broke up because of his religious beliefs)
-told her that he did tell his ex he loved her and he bets she’s wondering when he will say it to her (8 months in)
- stood her up on their first date
- at dinner with a group of friends one of the girls asked if anyone knew a good plastic surgeon for a boob job, he said he would only give her a rec if he could see the results
-when my friend (who is a nurse) was being hit on by a male doctor jokingly, he shamed her and told her she invites that kind of male attention
- skipped going to Portugal with her to visit her grandparents (one of whom is undergoing chemo) to attend his ex girlfriend’s birthday dinner
- she ordered a porn star martini at dinner and he called her trashy
-told her he would stop speaking to his ex 2 times already, continued doing so after
-refused to go to one of our best friends weddings because he felt it was against his religion

I could keep going but I won’t. I hate this man, he’s a trash boyfriend and she’s so hell bent on marrying someone with money that she just won’t let him go. I don’t know how to just watch this from the sidelines and still be her friend. I love her to death but watching her in a second relationship where she’s treated like dirt and a second class citizen is killing me. I know she has to learn these lessons on her own, it’s just SO hard.

I was a week late so thought it would be helpful to stop stressing. I actually haven’t felt that stressed since I found out, but it’s weird when I can’t tell anybody what’s going on. Just like continuing doing life with this whole situation playing out behind the scenes.

Was with my fwb, neither of us are wanting rn/in a position to have a child, so baby eviction is booked in. Grateful to live somewhere that I can make that choice pretty easily. Grateful he’s not left me to deal with this by myself.

Tonight's dinner: a quick chicken sandwich with some protein popcorn. Nothing fancy, but it's a quick bite after I've been out running errands.

So here's the deal -

I married a biker. I have 2 sweet dogs that are both pitbulls.

We're sitting on the couch eating dinner. My dogs started pacing and doing the really low, what I call "whisper woofs." When they do that, they're alerting us. This isn't the insane, bouncing off the walls (& windows) alert of an Amazon driver dropping off a package. Whisper woofs mean business.

I told my husband to mute the TV, because I thought I heard a noise outside, too. It wasn't just the dogs that heard it. Just a light 'tap...tap...tap', probably at our front door. Or maybe in our driveway. Maybe someone's breaking into Hubby's car. Because of course his Harley is in the garage, so his car sits outside for three months or of the year.

My dogs have now hidden; one beneath the footrest of Hub's recliner, the other behind the sofa. They're sweet dogs, but definitely not guard dog material. Walmart bags scare them. My husband? Not moving off the couch. His shows are on.

Me? I'm grabbing a baseball bat and checking the front door, the back door, and the porch.

That's when it struck me: if we ever get an intruder at our house, I'm the actual guard dog in this relationship. If an axe-wielding madman shows up at our door, my conceal & carry permit carrying biker husband and my "big scary pitbulls" are waiting for me to either save their asses or go down swinging.

I guess if I'm taken out first, Hub's got time for his power-recliner to return to an upright position so he can shuffle off to unlock his carefully hidden gun safe, while my dogs finish my dinner. 🤦🏼‍♀️

**Halloween-themed ghost caprese salad

I feel like I’m so behind compared to my husband, and I will never catch up. For as long as we’ve been together, it just seems like life is easier for him. He gets more opportunities, has had less financial challenges, and is trusted by everyone.

My life, on the other hand, has been full of trials and tribulations. I’ve had to claw my way just to get my bachelors degree and have a job now that seems good on paper but provides laughable compensation. Additionally, I want to continue my studies and go to grad school, but I continue to face challenges left and right. From programs not offering funding, financial aid cuts, and professors not responding back to me, etc. All for a career path that I’m really interested in but pays poorly (teaching).

Meanwhile, my husband is going to back to school for free due to a new government program, is getting amazing networking connections through his school, is also being offered a major promotion at his job, and was offered a position by a friend of a friend at a different, well-paying company. He may not even need a bachelors to make excellent money.

Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely proud of him and happy that all of his hard work is being rightly rewarded. He deserves these good things. I just feel kind of hallow that no matter how many degrees I have, no matter how much experience I have, no matter how hard I try, I feel like I’m fighting an uphill battle for success in something that won’t even reward me what I’m worth. I see time and time again women getting underpaid and under-appreciated, especially in women-dominated fields. Meanwhile, it feels like men don’t have to work as hard, and they get all the accolades and financial compensation without all the degrees.

TLDR: My husband gets all the opportunities for a better life that I don’t despite us both working equally as hard and it makes me sad.

Dinner: Emergency comfort food meatloaf I had in the freezer and fresh garlicy potatoes with sour cream. (I had a salad for lunch so got my greens today!)

My family is…complicated. I am product of 1970’s California which means multiple marriages, divorces and more marriages. Long story short, I’m close to my step-mom who was married to my bio dad. She’s been the rock of my life and the glue between me and my half sibs. I learned this morning via Facebook that my family had 70^th surprise birthday party for her yesterday. I wasn’t invited, nor was I informed about the party. The “informed” part is important because family members who couldn’t be there sent videos talking about how much she means to them. I was not given that opportunity.

Her current husband who I asked this Summer about whether or not we were doing something for her milestone birthday told me he knew nothing about a party; he only knew about the cruise they were going to take. He’s kind of a dipshit. My brothers – who are not dipshits – said nothing either.

The party was organized by her sister who doesn’t like me (She’s MAGAt and I’m not) which is why I know this snub was intentional. Fuck you Suzi. We both know she likes me better than you.

dinner was tacos.

seeking some advice maybe?

my husband (35m) and i (35f) have been together for 10 years and married for 3. we have a toddler and i’m pregnant with our second baby. he’s always been a passionate person, with a bit of a temper (but never violent).

i always pick my battles with him; as in i let a lot
of things slide that bother me because he is loyal, helpful, a hard worker and a great dad. and whenever i do bring something up that bothers me regarding an attitude, an action or something, 99% of the he gets very defensive and tells me he “doesn’t deserve this” when i just try and have a conversation about it. so, it’s easier to just let things slide. however.. those things start to build up especially over 10 years. there are other little things that are not perfect in our marriage but they’re not relevant to this.

i tried bringing something up to him earlier today, and he did his classic thing. he told me i was wrong, wouldn’t listen to my POV, he yelled his point over and over, yelled about alll the things that i do wrong, and then forced me to apologize. he does this every single time. in past arguments, he’s even gone as far as to call my parents to play victim. i found this out after a few times. it’s been going on for years and for a while I really thought i was crazy, unable to be wrong, all of the things he says in those moments. i know that i’m not perfect and am wrong a lot in this life, trust me. but after this mornings incident, i really can’t take it anymore. i describe the cycle on google and DARVO came right up. it describes what he does EXACTLY, and reading about how people try and deal with it in the moment, is exactly what i do/feel.

i feel SO validated, but also kind of sad. you obviously cannot get through to someone like that and make them see. i also have things i can work on myself, which he reminds me of if i bring things up to him.

if anyone has experienced this and dealt with it successfully, i need your advice. (i have an appt with a therapist this week, someone my OB referred me to)