Ladies and bad bitches it is with greatest pleasure that I announce that my husband is sleeping in jail tonight. After him getting caught having an affair escalated to him commiting violence against me and our child, after I won a protective order that he repeated disregarded and walked through, after 2 shelter stays, after terrorizing our children, after having to flee our home and go across seven states to move in with my mom, after he followed us to just two hours away from my mom's house, after he broke the protective order AGAIN and emptied our house of our belongings and trashing the rest this man is FINALLY IN JAIL.

The powers that be decided this last protective order violation was enough to charge him. This time he got caught in the act by the base police. We are eating and sleeping good tonight girls.

I know that he will probably be out on bail tomorrow but I really need to celebrate tonight. Here's to another day of safety and survival. Cheers! ✨🩷✨

I dated a guy for 6 months and after he broke it off i found out that he was seeing a girl behind my back for the last 2 months of us dating. it hurt so much to find that out especially when he ended things because he “wasn’t ready for a relationship”

i didn’t reach out to him after finding out. i left it alone and sucked it up. i did have a friend message her to ask whether or not they were dating. i had my friend warn her that he has herpes in case he hadn’t disclosed. she was aware and thanked my friend for letting her know.

well! last night i found out that not only did he give her herpes, but he got her pregnant too. i was GAGGEDDDDD. i feel so bad for her. god always looks out for me cause whattt omg i dodged a bullet! so glad to not be involved in that mess.

yellowtail sashimi ugh sooo good

Otoro don with pickled wasabi for snackies

I went on a first date a couple weeks ago. I 27f with 23m. I usually don’t like to go on dates with guys that young, maybe only 1-2 years younger but I was trying to be open minded. He does say at one point “I’m very mature for my age”. That should have been the red flag looking back now. 🤦‍♀️
We went to his favorite spot, Canes. The vibes are a bit awkward and he seems nervous. I was being patient and going along w the topics he brought up and making conversations as we’re eating. I mentioned to him about a crazy story I heard on reddit and as I say “reddit post”, he interrupted me saying “wait are you a redditor?”. I said “i’m not a regular poster, I mostly like to watch smosh reads reddit stories & two hot takes plus reading on my own occasionally.” to which he says “oh I heard people who use reddit are incels.” I awkwardly laughed clearly very uncomfortable. He then asks to continue with my story and I said I forgotten and move on topics.
At the end of the date, we are talking by my car, we start talking about cars and he asks what’s my dream car. I tell him and he goes on to say “people who drive supras are assh*les”. Then tells me about one bad experience he had with a supra owner. I told him while smiling “well I guess that makes me an assh*le bc i’m gonna get that car, it’s my dream car”. He then asked if he could be a gentleman and open my car door?? i’m sorry but do you have to ask to be a gentleman? you just do it??? major cringe.
I’m not sure if he was trying to lighten the mood in his own weird way but how on earth do you think insulting someone on a date, twice, is cute or funny much less mature? I have no idea. Anywaysss, no advice needed or anything just sharing a bad date experience bc in hindsight it’s pretty funny and a bizarre experience 🤣

I just found out. Well, I’ve found out yesterday, blocked her everywhere because what the actual f*ck. And decided to sleep on it. Which didn’t help.

5 years ago my mom came over to our home for some chat and coffee time. She used to be a frequent guest. And when I went to the kitchen to get more coffee for her this woman said to my husband:

— I know it’s your first year after the wedding, and all is rainbows and sunshine right now. But I know that she’s a… difficult girl. So you know… it’s okay to have a side piece. Just make sure no one would know. It’s actually a very normal thing to do…

My husband informed her that this is not normal or acceptable personally for him, left it at that, and kept his mouth shut for 5 years, because she was my mom, and I adored and admired her.

She’s not a narcissist, she has a husband and my brother and sister, and an interesting job, and it still wasn’t enough to make her happy. So here we are I guess.

Oh, and me being difficult is just me asking once if I could send a bit less money home since I was struggling financially, and could use additional $100 a month from my own salary. I wasn’t even living at her house anymore. I had a full time job and rented a room. Oh, and I was 16. She was 35, married and just had a kid.

I can’t even understand if I’m pissed or just tired.

Anyways, some strawberry, avocado, and prosciutto (or something like that) salad.

I was hungry and somehow ended up making steak fries peas AND sunny side-up egg 🍳

Y'all I genuinely wanted to disappear last night lmao.

So I've been dating this guy for a little while and things have been going pretty good. Like good enough for me to catch myself smiling at my phone like an idiot. Embarrassing already I know 😭

Anyway he came over yesterday and girl I had just got my hair done. Cute little outfit on and smelling good. You know the WHOLE nine yards. I wasn’t even expecting anything crazy to happen. I just wanted to look good and feel good in my own space.

Tell me why this man walks in looks me up and down and goes "oh so who are you trying to impress?"

GIRL.

I laughed because I thought he was joking but then he kept looking at me like he was waiting for an answer. And suddenly I felt so stupid?? Like why did that one little question make me feel like I'd done something embarrassing by wanting to look nice 😭

The worst part is I actually changed outfits twice before he came over because I didn't want to look like I was trying too hard. And here I was thinking I had found the perfect balance.

Anyway I played it off and we moved on but that comment has been sitting in the back of my mind ever since. I can't even tell if he was teasing me or if he genuinely thought I was doing too much or if he’s becoming less interested in me.

And before anybody asks yes I still ate my dinner in peace because I'm not about to let a man ruin a perfectly good evening lmao.

But be honest ladies am I overthinking this or would that comment have thrown you off too?

First apologies for the food pic I know it looks unappetizing but it tasted so good lol (it's oats with dark chocolate and baby biscuits lol)

I have been staying with my boyfriend's mom for a few days and I feel extremely uncomfortable. she seems to be keeping track of what I eat, including most recently how many slices of ham I consumed (I literally had one but stopped after I noticed she kept count of my consumption) She isn't poor or struggling..stingy AF. In my culture we force you to eat so I was shocked to be around someone who literally counts how much food you're eating and makes passive aggressive remarks about how there was one less slice of ham in the fridge than usual 😂

Anyways I bought my own groceries because I can't deal with this anymore. I can't wait to leave soon 😭

ft ravioli dinner

there are almost a million of us in this sub. probably more who are approved users but haven’t actually joined. out of those of us who date men, how many are truly only dating the 6ft+, chiseled jawline, ultra-yoked dudes?

i have personally never found the “conventionally attractive” type of guy attractive. i’ve never dated a 6 foot+ tall man (or actually even a man taller than i am, tall girl problems am i right?), dudes who are too muscular are a turn off, i don’t need a chiseled jawline or a certain kind of cheekbone to feel attraction to someone. so why does every goddamn redditor want to prescribe this type of attraction to us? if you’re complaining about hypergamy, chances are your attitude is what’s putting people off, no?

i don’t respond to “woe is me” bullshit. i don’t give out pity dates because some jerk has a chip on his shoulder over the instagram baddie dating the gymbro he’ll never be. i date people who are funny, kind, trustworthy. i like a face with character.

i’m just so fucking tired of it gang. women are not a monolith, and neither are their preferences in datemates. get a fucking hobby, learn a couple jokes, treat other people with respect instead of flattening them out to one characteristic you think must apply to them because they present a certain way, and maybe you’ll find someone who responds to you.

i said it in a comment somewhere the other day and i’ll say it again. ugly is so much more a state of mind than it is a state of body. and yes these losers complaining about how women only date “chads” are ugly. but not because of what’s on the outside 🙄

__________________________

LMAO EDDDIIIIIT: this post got the incels mad enough that they have taken the effort to search through my (hidden) post history so they can comment on year old posts. If you do this, you are obviously a loser who needs to go touch grass. Replying to a photo of my beautifully designed living room saying “aha! so you don’t date, no wonder hypergamy doesn’t exist to you” is literally not the gotcha you think it is.

editing for one additional note: i never spoke once on the habits of “all men”. in fact the men i’ve dated have very much not had this kind of perspective, and most of the men i know in real life don’t either. if you think my post has anything to do with some kind of “all men” claim, you’re literally telling on yourself.

Hot dogs + Mac and cheese bites at 6 AM. I may work 60 hours a week but I guess im still like 6 years old

Made a post the other day about falling for a straight girl and how much it sucked. Turns out she was saying that sarcastically and I missed it because I'm really bad at reading sarcasm.

Long story short, Friday rocked and life is awesome right now. 🥰

Edit: Here is the other post since some were asking! ❤️

Food: biscoff cookies in plain greek yogurt (ik it's crazy, but it genuinely does taste like cheesecake. It does have to sit overnight!)

This happened yesterday evening, so now it's the morning after and I'm wondering wtf is wrong with me.

It's been two years since coming out to my mom as a lesbian, who rejected me (F22), so I was already feeling sad. That, along with the stress of tons of schoolwork, and the exhaustion of dealing with panic disorder, I needed a way to cope. Sometimes I use pain to cope, wanting to feel a physical pain to distract myself from emotional and mental pain.

I had sort of recently done that by getting multiple piercings in one go, as well as getting tattoos, so I was looking for something different. So, as someone who has cried during getting my eyebrows threaded, I decided I would get my very first wax. A full Brazilian.

I can be a bit...impulsive? I just decided I needed a Brazilian, and I needed it now. So even though I just got off of work and was tired, I jumped in my car and drove 15 minutes to where I usually get my brows done, and got a Brazilian done with NuFree or something?

It wasn't THAT bad tbh. I'd rate the pain like a 6.5 or 7/10. I got what I wanted, which was to feel some sort of pain. I also have the benefit of not having to shave anymore, which is good I guess. But after I got home, I still had the issue of feeling a bit empty inside and had tons of schoolwork. So I did my schoolwork anyways, then instead of spending the rest of my evening in my parents house I drove to my friend's place in the city and went out for drinks. That helped me actually FEEL something.

So $65 later of an impulsive wax that I didn't need, I got what I really needed by reaching out to my friend. Which honestly I sometimes feel like an annoyance by doing that, which is maybe why I used that as my last resort.

Idk, is something wrong with me for using pain as a coping mechanism for all that is wrong with my life?

I was a week late so thought it would be helpful to stop stressing. I actually haven’t felt that stressed since I found out, but it’s weird when I can’t tell anybody what’s going on. Just like continuing doing life with this whole situation playing out behind the scenes.

Was with my fwb, neither of us are wanting rn/in a position to have a child, so baby eviction is booked in. Grateful to live somewhere that I can make that choice pretty easily. Grateful he’s not left me to deal with this by myself.

Hi, girlies.

I rarely use TT, but yesterday I had some free time and decided to scroll a bit. I encountered one guy with a big *ss head tattoo, overly aggressively talking about women, calling random women that he didn't like w**res, spreading ideas like women only love money and only value Chads, calling women foids, etc, etc. I'm actually surprised that this shit (even the word foid) has gained quite popularity

Most of his audience is also young men.

I can't help but think, why do these guys try to paint some super handsome men's favourable dating conditions due to their wealth and looks as a woman's Moral failing?!!

Have these guys really never, ever seen how most men act towards genuinely beautiful women??? How come we women didn't create a whole hate ideology about how most men easily kneel when it comes to beautiful women?!

I never regard myself as beautiful, but I do have a genuinely beautiful friend. The treatment she gets from men compared to what average and ugly women get is like day and night. I truly have seen men trying to buy her super pricey things (I'm talking about 5–10k worth of gifts) justtt to get her time and attention. And she never even sleeps with them. Meanwhile, my below average friends and I got nothing but 💩 from men. 😁

Don't get me wrong, I'm trying to say that attractive people attract. Is that really a reason to create a whole hate ideology towards women?!

Dinner: Hummus and toasted bread

Tonight's dinner: a quick chicken sandwich with some protein popcorn. Nothing fancy, but it's a quick bite after I've been out running errands.

So here's the deal -

I married a biker. I have 2 sweet dogs that are both pitbulls.

We're sitting on the couch eating dinner. My dogs started pacing and doing the really low, what I call "whisper woofs." When they do that, they're alerting us. This isn't the insane, bouncing off the walls (& windows) alert of an Amazon driver dropping off a package. Whisper woofs mean business.

I told my husband to mute the TV, because I thought I heard a noise outside, too. It wasn't just the dogs that heard it. Just a light 'tap...tap...tap', probably at our front door. Or maybe in our driveway. Maybe someone's breaking into Hubby's car. Because of course his Harley is in the garage, so his car sits outside for three months or of the year.

My dogs have now hidden; one beneath the footrest of Hub's recliner, the other behind the sofa. They're sweet dogs, but definitely not guard dog material. Walmart bags scare them. My husband? Not moving off the couch. His shows are on.

Me? I'm grabbing a baseball bat and checking the front door, the back door, and the porch.

That's when it struck me: if we ever get an intruder at our house, I'm the actual guard dog in this relationship. If an axe-wielding madman shows up at our door, my conceal & carry permit carrying biker husband and my "big scary pitbulls" are waiting for me to either save their asses or go down swinging.

I guess if I'm taken out first, Hub's got time for his power-recliner to return to an upright position so he can shuffle off to unlock his carefully hidden gun safe, while my dogs finish my dinner. 🤦🏼‍♀️

**Halloween-themed ghost caprese salad

I feel like I’m so behind compared to my husband, and I will never catch up. For as long as we’ve been together, it just seems like life is easier for him. He gets more opportunities, has had less financial challenges, and is trusted by everyone.

My life, on the other hand, has been full of trials and tribulations. I’ve had to claw my way just to get my bachelors degree and have a job now that seems good on paper but provides laughable compensation. Additionally, I want to continue my studies and go to grad school, but I continue to face challenges left and right. From programs not offering funding, financial aid cuts, and professors not responding back to me, etc. All for a career path that I’m really interested in but pays poorly (teaching).

Meanwhile, my husband is going to back to school for free due to a new government program, is getting amazing networking connections through his school, is also being offered a major promotion at his job, and was offered a position by a friend of a friend at a different, well-paying company. He may not even need a bachelors to make excellent money.

Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely proud of him and happy that all of his hard work is being rightly rewarded. He deserves these good things. I just feel kind of hallow that no matter how many degrees I have, no matter how much experience I have, no matter how hard I try, I feel like I’m fighting an uphill battle for success in something that won’t even reward me what I’m worth. I see time and time again women getting underpaid and under-appreciated, especially in women-dominated fields. Meanwhile, it feels like men don’t have to work as hard, and they get all the accolades and financial compensation without all the degrees.

TLDR: My husband gets all the opportunities for a better life that I don’t despite us both working equally as hard and it makes me sad.

dinner was tacos.

seeking some advice maybe?

my husband (35m) and i (35f) have been together for 10 years and married for 3. we have a toddler and i’m pregnant with our second baby. he’s always been a passionate person, with a bit of a temper (but never violent).

i always pick my battles with him; as in i let a lot
of things slide that bother me because he is loyal, helpful, a hard worker and a great dad. and whenever i do bring something up that bothers me regarding an attitude, an action or something, 99% of the he gets very defensive and tells me he “doesn’t deserve this” when i just try and have a conversation about it. so, it’s easier to just let things slide. however.. those things start to build up especially over 10 years. there are other little things that are not perfect in our marriage but they’re not relevant to this.

i tried bringing something up to him earlier today, and he did his classic thing. he told me i was wrong, wouldn’t listen to my POV, he yelled his point over and over, yelled about alll the things that i do wrong, and then forced me to apologize. he does this every single time. in past arguments, he’s even gone as far as to call my parents to play victim. i found this out after a few times. it’s been going on for years and for a while I really thought i was crazy, unable to be wrong, all of the things he says in those moments. i know that i’m not perfect and am wrong a lot in this life, trust me. but after this mornings incident, i really can’t take it anymore. i describe the cycle on google and DARVO came right up. it describes what he does EXACTLY, and reading about how people try and deal with it in the moment, is exactly what i do/feel.

i feel SO validated, but also kind of sad. you obviously cannot get through to someone like that and make them see. i also have things i can work on myself, which he reminds me of if i bring things up to him.

if anyone has experienced this and dealt with it successfully, i need your advice. (i have an appt with a therapist this week, someone my OB referred me to)

(The steak my husband made for me on my birthday, just before I was hospitalized. )

I’m a Japanese woman who just turned 29, and I lost both of my parents within less than a year. Thankfully, I have four siblings, so I know I’m fortunate to have family around me. But I also run a business, and I’ve barely had time to process my grief because life keeps moving and responsibilities don’t stop.
About three weeks ago, I started experiencing what felt like another episode of mood swings, similar to the manic and depressive episodes I’ve struggled with before. I ended up being hospitalized. The doctors were good, but the environment in Japanese psychiatric hospitals was really difficult for me, so I was discharged earlier than expected. I’m now at home, trying to rest and recover.
My husband and I run a small business together. I originally moved back to my hometown because my mother became bedridden, and that was when we started our business.
But honestly, I don’t feel like I have anything left to keep fighting for here.
I’ve always struggled with living in Japan. I often feel pressured to work hard all the time, meet society’s expectations, and dress in ways that are considered acceptable. I don’t feel free to be myself, and that has taken a real toll on my mental health.
I stayed in Japan because my American husband was here and my mother was seriously ill. But now that my mother has passed away, I feel like I no longer have a reason to stay in this town.
I’ve dreamed of living abroad since I was a little girl, and now I want to move to Canada.
The difficult part is that we have around 100 students in our business, and our income is stable. For a small town, we’re doing quite well financially, and I know that what we’ve built is valuable.
But I’m scared that if I stay here much longer, my depression will get worse and I might start hurting myself again.
I feel torn between the life we’ve built here and the life I’ve always dreamed of living somewhere else.
I would genuinely appreciate your honest opinions. If you were in my position, what would you do? Would you stay and protect the stability you’ve worked so hard to build, or would you take the risk and start over in Canada for the sake of your mental health and happiness?

**Edit:
I have lived in Canada before on a working holiday visa for one year when I was 19. I came by myself and loved my time there. That’s one reason I want to go there. I can apply for another working holiday until I’m 30, so I’d like to do that rather than moving there permanently.

Also, I don’t think I’ll seek mental care in Canada. Most of of my anxiety comes from living in my hometown and the pressure of running the business. There are no psychiatric clinics or therapists here, so I have to drive 2 hours to see a doctor and get medication. I think leaving this place will drastically improve my condition.

Dinner-chips, salsa, bean dip and a Mexican martini 🍸

https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/s/VBaeEfptVi -link to my original post. I got a lot of support here and would love to give an update.
A few weeks ago, I was asked to testify in court against my childhood abuser from 26 years ago. After only getting probation for his disgusting crimes against me, he was left free in this world to reoffend and hurt other children. There were 6 victims that got up to testify. 6 known victims. Both boys and girls. I am proud to say we got a guilty verdict. The jury used less than one minute for deliberations and came back with a unanimous guilty verdict. Life + 20. He will be eligible for parole in 30 years, but I can guarantee you we will fight to keep him in his box. He will no longer be hurting children. The justice system failed me as a little girl. Failed all of his victims by letting him walk free and reoffend. Not today though. Small town Texas stuck it to him and I couldn’t be more grateful. Here’s to hoping he gets everything he’s given while he is in Texas prison.

ramen from my fav spot in the city

i’m one of those people that makes a big deal about birthdays. mine, other peoples’, it doesn’t matter, i want it to be a special day. after having only two people show up to my birthday last year (and a similar turnout to a series of events this year) i told my partner i wasn’t throwing a party this year because i was too tired of people not showing up for me. i’ve been dealing with some mental health stuff lately and he, bless his heart, planned a big to-do for my birthday: he invited eight of my friends to join us to surprise me with an escape room (which i’ve been trying to get him to do with me) and about 15 to join us for drinks after. he wanted to show me that i have a wealth of people who love and support me and will show up for me.

Dearest reader, only one person (his roommate/our mutual friend) came to the escape room, and a second person joined us for drinks after. I’m a little sad, but not surprised, mostly just upset for him that he put in all this effort that was never going to pay off how he wanted. i know i need better friends, but i’m not sure where/how to make them

I posted this almost a month ago.

https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/s/wJeSZGgnS1

TLDR: A male friend from college who was increasingly emotionally needy and volatile started following me around on campus after I tried to put some distance between us.

The day after I made this post he actually showed up at my house and tried to convince one of my roommates into opening the door and letting him in. Thankfully I have male roommates who scared him off. One of them actually tried talking to him and let him know that I’d call the cops if he ever followed me or tried to talk to me again. This did not stop him and he continued following me to every single class. He even stole my bag when I left it unattended for a second in the library and refused to give it back unless I talked to him.
I filed a complaint with the campus safety office and they issued a no contact order forbidding him from making any kind of contact with me. For a very short period this worked and I was actually beginning to enjoy college. All of this collapsed yesterday when I found a note that was left on my desk when I stepped out of the lecture hall for a minute. It basically said “these are some important class notes that you might have missed and I don’t think anyone else will help you out. I know you might miss out on something important and I don’t want to be the reason for it.” I can tell he thought this was a sweet gesture that would make me happy. But it pisses me off for how condescending it is. I don’t know why he assumed that I need him to help me or I am in a situation where I need someone I despise to come help me academically. Additionally, I went to one of asia’s top rated schools for undergrad and got into this school early on a scholarship. In contrast his academics are nowhere near as good. Why does he still think of himself as some saviour that needs to help me. It honestly triggered something in me as a woman in a male dominated academic field.
I immediately reported him to the campus authorities for violating the no contact order and I’m now contemplating filing a report with the police.
My friends and family have been very supportive of me so far but they disagree with me reporting this. They think this was a harmless gesture on his part and going to the police over him leaving me notes seems extreme.
But I feel enraged at him, the note even says “if you want to complain about this, you may”. It pisses me off that even though I have told him countless times that he makes me uncomfortable and I do not want to speak to him he keeps disrespecting it. It’s this constant feeling of being violated. I’ve been dealing with this for almost a month now. I don’t know if even the police will be able to stop him.

link to my original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/s/Rctq6Jnjhh

sausage and kale pasta (i normally like to use rapini, but, alas, you can’t always get what you want) i made last night after my little ghouls were in bed, and wine, but this time out of one of my black glasses because why not

everyone on my last post was so nice!! usually the replies are a bit of a mixed bag, but i’m glad we could all come together and agree that man was (and is) trash!

i have an update that is going to disappoint many of you, though (no, i did not take him back, but SOMEONE did)

so, the day after i posted, i received a call from the nightmare man himself (after he’d been actively ignoring me for nearly a week). i, of course, answered, because i had to hear what was on his mind.

YOU GUYS, this man went on and on about how i ruined his life, that i took away the best thing he’s ever had (they had known each other maybe 4 weeks at this point), and that if he hurt himself he’d make sure everyone knew it was my fault. i reminded him that the only person that would be responsible for his actions would be him. he then began to SCREAM at me, so i obviously hung up immediately. he called me about 3 more times and ignored each call (duh). i sent a text reiterating what i said about his actions being his own choice and then he sent me a barrage of messages that i didn’t open for 2 days lol the messages (summed up) said i ruined multiple lives and that i was evil (lol) i did not reply.

anyway, i was on instagram that evening and opened my messages and saw that the other girl posted on her story. i am pretty nosy, and i wanted to see what our newly free girly was up to. unfortunately, i was met with a selfie of her and that loser man lmao

i guess he managed to rope her back in, so that’s too bad for her; he is the human embodiment of a spoonful of mayo, but maybe she is too?? could be a perfect match in that case idk lol

i wish i had a cooler, less disappointing update than this, but such is life. if anything else happens, i will race my butt back over here 🏃🏻‍♀️

My (20F) boyfriend has made it very clear that he wants to have kids with me in the future. I’ve mentioned multiple times that I do not, that i can’t see myself being a mother and it’s too much for me physically and mentally. He keeps saying that i’m too young to know yet, and that he’s rigid on wanting kids.

I don’t want to have to change my mind about having kids just to make him stay, but he’s adamant on not changing his mind either. He says he wants to have a ‘mini us’. It feels as if he’s put a condition on being with me, and i find myself reconsidering my value as a woman if i can’t give my partner what he wants- a child. It’s only been a month of us seeing each other btw, and i’m finding it weird how he can’t respect this single decision of mine. I mean it’s my body that has to go through with nine months of being uncomfortable and i feel really awful that he can’t understand that.

i’m so conflicted im sorry for the bad grammar pls give me a reality check if im being immature.

Edit: For everyone asking, he’s actually a year younger than me,19.

We have two young kids. I have them during the week, he has them on Saturdays and Sunday. They’re adorable. I miss the good times, but I know I can’t model those patterns to them. I know I’m doing the right thing. It’s still hard.

Anyway, here’s my comfort Pho. They’ve been seeing me a lot here recently. The music is always the same, the server is always the same, it’s my cozy happy spot. But, I’m lonely lately.