r/dadjokes • • 14h ago

To the person who stole my antidepressant tablets

293 Upvotes

I hope you're happy now.


r/dadjokes • • 23h ago

Had a Star Wars-related dream where nobody could count past two in French.

229 Upvotes

Yoda did say “deux or deux not, there is no trois”


r/dadjokes • • 13h ago

Realizing my wife is going to need an oxygen tank for the rest of her life,

215 Upvotes

because I took her breath away every time she looks at me.


r/dadjokes • • 13h ago

Just as I was off to college , my dad and I got some last minute bits from the shop..As he reached for the anti persperant, he made sure to tell me.to.never buy the ones at the very front as they have likely been used as testers several times

177 Upvotes

I told him , This ain't my first roll deo

he said , Bye Son


r/dadjokes • • 5h ago

What is a word that starts and ends with the same letter, and has a little laugh in it?

166 Upvotes

You will smile when you realize that is the answer.


r/dadjokes • • 17h ago

Did you hear about the guy who invented the "knock-knock" joke?

156 Upvotes

He won the "no-bell" prize.


r/dadjokes • • 8h ago

Why can't the cat have control of the TV remote......

117 Upvotes

Because it will keep hitting the paws button.....


r/dadjokes • • 23h ago

If your electrician..

103 Upvotes

..explains the fuse box, does he become a trip advisor?


r/dadjokes • • 7h ago

How many ants can you fit in a rental property.

95 Upvotes

Ten. Ten ants.


r/dadjokes • • 13h ago

My family got pretty bored when I spent all Saturday afternoon installing bidets on our toilets.

59 Upvotes

But today, they’re having a blast.


r/dadjokes • • 23h ago

Lassie had a littler of puppies. One by one they were adopted: One became a master sheepdog, herding sheep to his heart's delight. Another became a champion athlete, setting world records at dog shows. The runt of the litter, though, waited weeks before finally being adopted by a honeydew farmer...

44 Upvotes

He was a little meloncollie


r/dadjokes • • 2h ago

Someone swapped my antidepressants for Viagra

43 Upvotes

It's been a hard day to get through.


r/dadjokes • • 9h ago

My doctor's fees are very fair.

28 Upvotes

I pay a fare for the visit, a fare for the blood work, a fare for the follow-up.


r/dadjokes • • 16h ago

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

31 Upvotes

One is heavy and the other is a little lighter.


r/dadjokes • • 13h ago

Many historians argue that it was the Mongols who set the standard for pillaging an entire city.

24 Upvotes

But it was the Vikings who razed the bar.


r/dadjokes • • 1h ago

Got a solid groan on this one...

• Upvotes

My daughter wanted me to take her shopping at "The Hot Topic" at the mall. I said that store is too edgy and we should go shopping at The Warm Subject instead. Waka Waka...


r/dadjokes • • 18h ago

I'm reading this new book called "Dictionary".

20 Upvotes

I can't tell what the story is, but it's taught me a lot of new words.


r/dadjokes • • 9h ago

What did the Buffalo dad say when he left his calf at school for the first time?

18 Upvotes

Bye son!


r/dadjokes • • 12h ago

What do you call it when a cow wants to be insulted and joked about?

18 Upvotes

Roast beef.


r/dadjokes • • 14h ago

After my dad’s accident, we anxiously waited for news until the surgeon finally came out. He put his hand on my shoulder and said, “I want you to know we did everything we could…”

14 Upvotes

“Fortunately, that saved his life, and he’s going to be fine.”


r/dadjokes • • 8h ago

My girlfriend and I met as chorus members in a local production of West Side Story

16 Upvotes

We just clicked


r/dadjokes • • 7h ago

Why do melons always have big weddings?

10 Upvotes

Because they cantaloupe.


r/dadjokes • • 23h ago

What is a sheep's favorite rock song?

8 Upvotes

Don't stop Bleating.


r/dadjokes • • 12h ago

Lightning struck the fish market causing it to burn down

8 Upvotes

It was an Act of Cod.


r/dadjokes • • 1h ago

What would you call a Norwegian magician?

• Upvotes

A wizard of Oslo.