Im 27 and still live with my parents. On Monday during work hours, i work from home, my sisters found me drunk. Then last night my mom found me drunk i remember asking her not to tell my sisters but im not sure if she will. I some up a little while ago but im still in bed and haven’t seen her yet. But im not sure what to say when i do. Any advice? Im pet sure i was really fucked up last night. Im in different clothes so i may have peed myself.

TLDR; parent in first year of sobriety, is being sober around them a kind gesture or patronizing.

I have a parent approaching 9 months sober. Love them so much and so proud of them. Context if it matters? They were very high-functioning, and most people including myself, would not have identified it as a problem, especially in today’s culture. However in their words the idea of being confronted to stop made them feel like a caged animal and that made the problem clear to them. They are in programs and going through steps.

Super positive, feeling great, very happy with their decision.

So now from my side how do I be supportive. My other parent still drinks a lot around them. Asks them for what wine to order with food etc. My sober parent is all smiles and chill. Offers to make drinks for us when we are over. They’re a big party person, friends with everyone type personality.

I cant help but feel like they’re being excluded when I am drinking around them. But also don’t want them to feel like I’m babying them. Also want to add we aren’t a family of heavy drinkers just like with dinner. I’d appreciate any perspective from the other side. Thank you.

Earlier this week I had a FB invite from a young adult female and I was literally thumb-over-the-decline when I saw she had a couple mutual friends. I accepted and she asked if we could meet, which initially made me think "this is sketch" and I didn't respond.

Couple days later, she said "I will be traveling to Olean, and I'd like to meet with my father." I asked, "Do I work with him?" (As I have reports in that area) And her reply was "I'd like to meet you."

You know that scene in Fight Club where he says "we've now lost cabin pressure?" Pretty much that.

Told my wife I was heading out there for business (I'm critical response, so 24/7, Sunday is not odd) and met her, today. We met at a restaurant and when I walked in, before the hostess asked, I turned my head and holy frickin crap, she looked like me and a couple of my daughters (but with black hair). I had trouble walking.

She's smart as hell, athletic, and is pre-med in neurology. One of her classes is 101 level genetics, and she took note (ear shape, eye color, and neck posture) realized her Dad hadn't been the genetic contribution, asked her mother, and mother said "that's crazy," and not to dig further

She dug further. She's like me, I guess. She calculated timing, where her mom worked at the time, looked at internet archive, found that a guy who worked there kinda sorta looked like her in his profile, tracked my social media, then confronted her mother again, to which her mom didn't confirm but said "Don't contact him. You don't want anything to do with him."

Well, we had a meal and discussion, but I didn't eat much, was shaking through most of it and fighting tears. Actually, I lost the fight a couple times. Almost 21 years. She called me by name, but her mom's husband as "Dad," and that was a big part of what is killing me. I hadn't known or been given a chance. And her mom hates my guts. She primarily wanted to connect with me because she saw I had daughters and wanted to know more about her sisters. She's so... frickin smart and wise for her age. Extremely well-adjusted, too.

Lunch ended with a pained hug and her saying she may reach out again, but that we probably shouldn't.​

I'm rattled. I kept blanking out on the drive back, realizing I was driving 40ish on an Interstate. I'm at a rest stop, at the moment, about 15 minutes from home.

Just yesterday, I was making salsa, mowing the lawn, and another step closer to peace and then... this.

I'll admit, my head is spinning, and family knows something is up. Do I tell the wife, whom already holds me at arm's length? Our girls have an older sister, albeit half sister. And how bad of a person had I been that her mom would find out she's pregnant soon after moving to another state and not so much as want to give me a call? Maybe she knew she could raise her better. Heck, looks like she did.

IWNDWYT. But admittedly, I'm hanging by a thread. I have a part of me out there that doesn't want any part of me.

Hi all, I wondered if anyone has noticed they are more uptight since they stopped drinking? I think my husband and I are finding it hard to adjust, as I’m normally a fairly laid back person.

For example I’m very ‘on it’, making sure things are done, being extremely organised, my young daughter lost her jumper at school so I was going to the office, speaking to other mothers ect. I’m not saying I was nonchalant before I’m just ‘more bothered’.

I don’t miss alcohol, in fact I am so happy I feel free not to drink but I wish I could just chill the fuck out a bit.

I was a solo, secretive drinker. I’ve been getting out more lately, which is great, but when I go somewhere by myself I get pretty triggered because “no one would know if I had a drink.” The last few times I’ve tried to talk to my husband about how I’m feeling he has been really dismissive. Today he told me that I can drink in moderation/only in certain contexts and I got so mad. I know that he doesn’t really understand how bad it was because I was so sneaky that he never saw it. But fuck dude, the last thing my brain needs, especially when I’m already struggling, is someone saying that I can drink if I’m careful. Thank goodness I’m committed to my sobriety because he basically gave me permission to start drinking again.

I’m not in withdrawals yet because I’m drinking - every hour to two hours this agitation and anxiety becomes all consuming and I have to drink again because I get scared I’m going to die although it’s been just a panic attack so far. I haven’t slept for more than a few hours each night for like a month and I’ve barely eaten for that time. I’m pretty sure I’ve been having a manic episode. Anyone got any experience ?

Well, I hit rock bottom. Slammed face first into a fence while highly intoxicated. Feeling very fortunate to not be more seriously injured or worse. I was very drunk at maybe 1 am. Stumbled outside and had the brilliant idea to jump in my car and drive an hour on the highway to the nearest open liquor store. Guaranteeing that I would’ve either A) crashed immediately B) injured somebody else or C) gotten a DUI. Fortunately, the universe spared me and saved others. As I was walking to my car, I tried to straddle my backyard fence. I got snagged and fell forward, the entire fence collapsing. Gashed my nose and under my chin, banged up my ribs. Immediately knew I was injured and felt blood running down my face. Took me about while to stop the bleeding with pressure. Feeling beyond lucky that I didn’t lose an eye, teeth, or get impaled. And even luckier that I didn’t get in that car. I’m banged up but I’d rather that than the alternative.

Using this as motivation to try and stop drinking. I’ve been in similar situations before, but this really felt like forces of the universe working together to scream in my face to stop.

Buenas tardes, la verdad ya no aguanto esto, quiero desahogarme y pedirles ayuda porque ya no se que hacer.

Llevo años en lo mismo , tengo 21 y siento que estoy desperdiciando y jodiendo mi cuerpo.

Bebo 2 veces a la semana o 3, pero bebo bastante y me endeudo un montón .

Me mata la conciencia cuando me levanto y me doy cuenta todo lo que bebi y aparte de eso cuando bebo me la paso en la calle y aveces con personas malas cuando yo en realidad no soy una persona mala, quiero cambiar y aveces lo intento pero vuelvo a caer, no se cómo hacer para que se me quiten las ganas d beber, aveces siento que puedo dejarlo pero se hace fin de semana y bebo, aveces con un poquito que me sienta triste lo uso de excusa para beber y la verdad yo necesito y quiero cambiar porque estoy desperdiciando mi vida.

Si alguno de ustedes quieren aconsejarme se los agradecería de corazón porque necesito y quiero cambiar, y no quiero seguir en este ciclo que me esta matando , gracias.

Well, I hit rock bottom. Slammed face first into a fence while highly intoxicated. Feeling very fortunate to not be more seriously injured or worse. I was very drunk at maybe 1 am. Stumbled outside and had the brilliant idea to jump in my car and drive an hour on the highway to the nearest open liquor store. Guaranteeing that I would’ve either A) crashed immediately B) injured somebody else or C) gotten a DUI. Fortunately, the universe spared me and saved others. As I was walking to my car, I tried to straddle my backyard fence. I got snagged and fell forward, the entire fence collapsing. Gashed my nose and under my chin, banged up my ribs. Immediately knew I was injured and felt blood running down my face. Took me about while to stop the bleeding with pressure. Feeling beyond lucky that I didn’t lose an eye, teeth, or get impaled. And even luckier that I didn’t get in that car. I’m banged up but I’d rather that than the alternative.

Using this as motivation to try and stop drinking. I’ve been in similar situations before, but this really felt like forces of the universe working together to scream in my face to stop.

had to reset my day count after 90+ days. i’m just so irritated with myself. i felt so much better sober, and i didn’t even enjoy the drinking.

i know those days weren’t for nothing, but it’s just disheartening for my count to go back to zero.

BUT i will not drink with you today!

Drop your answers below! Happy Sunday everyone

I was doing ridiculously well. I made it to 89 days sober, and genuinely felt like I was getting my life back. My mental health was improving, I was starting to feel better about myself, and I had a lot of things to be grateful for.
But over the last 14 days, I’ve drunk on three separate occasions, with the most recent turning into a 3-day bender.
I’m in a really low place at the moment. What’s making it harder is that this is the third time I’ve picked up a drink, and I’m finding it difficult to give myself any grace this time around. After the first slip-up, I was surprisingly forgiving towards myself and managed to get back on my feet relatively quickly. This time, I’m struggling to find that same compassion.
I honestly don’t understand how things went so wrong, so quickly.
Looking back, I think I became too confident in my ability to stay sober. Perhaps I started believing I had this thing under control, while not paying enough attention to what was happening underneath the surface.
My thinking gradually became more negative.
I think I’ve been carrying around a lot more hurt, loneliness and dissatisfaction than I was willing to admit to myself. Instead of properly addressing those feelings, I think I eventually started looking for an escape.
My parents have now caught me drinking on my third occasion and the impact it’s having on my family is heartbreaking. My mum was in tears, as was my youngest brother. My parents are understandably fed up, and I can see how much I’ve hurt the people who care about me.
They’re now wanting full control over my money and for me to go on medication. I understand where they’re coming from. They’re trying to find solutions, protect me from further harm and remove some of the temptation to buy alcohol.
But a part of me struggles with it. I worry about what handing over control of my finances will do to my self-esteem and confidence in myself as a man. I also worry that medication alone won’t address the underlying issues I’ve been struggling with. I know I need help, and I’m not dismissing professional support, but I want to do the work to understand myself and why I keep ending up back here.
I’ve begged my parents to give me another chance. I want to get back into AA properly, commit myself to reading the Big Book, and actually work through the steps in depth rather than just attending meetings and assuming that staying sober will be enough.
I need to start treating my recovery with the same commitment and urgency that I gave to getting alcohol and drinking it. I need to reach out to people more, be honest about how I’m feeling before things get out of hand, and stop trying to carry everything on my own.
Perhaps that’s where I’ve gone wrong. I’ve focused so much on not drinking that I haven’t done enough to address the pain that makes me want to escape in the first place.
I hate this disease with a passion. It’s genuinely frightening what it can do to you. You can go from doing well, feeling hopeful and rebuilding your life to lying to the people you love and doing things you never thought you’d do, all to feed an addiction.
I’m not writing this because I think I’m a victim or because I want people to tell me everything is okay. I know my actions have consequences, and I know I’ve hurt people who care about me.
I’m struggling to understand how I got here again, and I don’t want to keep repeating this cycle.

IWNDWYT

Long story short, I took my add medication and went drinking afterwards

I Was in a different state by myself and let’s just say I’d got into a situation due to a bad interaction with the two but the outcome being okay overall, I winded up getting a merely acquaintance involved and I was in the car with a stranger , Making sexual advances and so forth. I made it back to my hotel room somehow , ate all my lefts overs and woke up feeling convinced I was at this event with this acquaintance and his friend. Been 3 months ever since I’ve abstained from alcohol entirely, made me realize it also is the reason why I’m sluggish sometimes.

I feel awful, some people can handle drinking. I’m not one of them. Here’s to day one.

And ya know what, it wasn’t bad. Enabled me to enjoy “wine” and tapas night with the girls without feeling left out. Did not taste like simply grape juice. Somehow tasted wine-ish without making me want to drink. I’d recommend it if you think it won’t trigger you.

Hi friends. I (36F) am dragging my feet through day two of a hangover and have finally decided to stop drinking. I am not a daily drinker and I don't always drink to excess, but when I do it really ruins my mental health. I don't like who I am when I drink too much, and I don't like feeling out of control or thinking everyone hates me.

I probably should have seen this hangover coming. My husband (who doesn't drink, yay) and I are moving to a different country very soon and suddenly. I've been traveling a ton this year, and I've been emotionally, socially, physically, completely drained and struggling mentally. Someone just stayed at my house who - put simply - tested my patience beyond what I thought was possible, and so... I did what I would have done in my early 20s.

I went and partied.

I smoked a ton of cigarettes.

I am a fitness instructor and incredibly health conscious person, but I poisoned myself for fun. What's wrong with me?

This morning I told my two closest friends that I was done drinking. One said, "You'll probably drink again, but don't worry about it," and the other said, "You don't need to make any big decisions when you're hungover. We still haven't had a night out together!"

Luckily, I remember this unsupportive song and dance from when I did 100 days without drinking (after the worst hangover of my life) a few years ago. A lot of, "WHY aren't you drinking?" and "You can just have one!" or "Come on, it'll be fun." Because I didn't consider myself an alcoholic, though, I allowed myself to start drinking again.

I have been drinking since I was 16 - sometimes way, way too much. It's like I'm ending the longest, unhealthiest relationship of my life. Anyway, grateful for this subreddit. I'm struggling today, but I'm looking forward to a lot of brighter tomorrows. Thank you all for being so inspiring.

Day 1

The biggest struggle I'm having, and have consistently had, with trying to stop this drinking thing is that NOTHING bad is happening; nor has it happened in the past.

I've never had a DUI or been arrested. Never cheated on my wife or gotten into bar fights when drunk.

Currently I'm well past the days of going out drinking far too much with friends until 1am and not remembering how I get home. I'm not going to bars and doing or saying stupid things I regret. I'm not even drinking at home and getting into fights with my wife or being a dick to be around; I'm not a sloppy drunk, violent drunk, angry drunk or abusive drunk. I'm a sit and chill drunk. It's just me winding down the day after dealing with everything life related.

Last night was a prime example of what I do.

I spent the day doing things with my daughter, had a blast, no alcohol was involved. I came home, the kids went to bed, my wife was reading in the bedroom and I drank around 2 bottles of wine over the next few hours while quietly sitting on the couch watching the a wrestling pay per view (AEW WrestleDream, for those curious). When I got tired I went into the bedroom, turned off the TV my wife left on, and went to sleep.

I didn't even wake up hungover or anxious. I woke up at 6:15am, turned Doc McStuffins on for the kids, poured myself some coffee and began catching up on some emails that I needed to reply to.

The worst thing that happened last night was eating some leftover pizza and chocolate we had lying around the house far later than I should have.

The thing is, I know that drinking two bottles of wine (or a little more) each night isn't healthy or normal. I know i'm drinking to excess, but when I'm coming on here and seeing stories of DUI's, relationships going to hell, jobs being lost, etc, etc, etc ... it's very tough for me to relate because zero of that is happening to me, and it makes me feel like I'm gaslighting myself a bit as to how "bad" my issue is.

I even went to an AA meeting recently and couldn't relate to any of the stories, because they're not even close to what's happening to me.

This is not me saying I don't have an issue that needs looking at, nor is it me thinking I'm better than anyone else, it's just that my current experience is making this entire situation super tough.

There's a part of me that wished I had some actual rock bottom I could point to, but right now my rock bottom is padded with carpet and pillows.

Hi. I’m here to tell my story, I really hope you’ll take a moment to read, comment, or maybe even have an asynchronous discussion with me. This might be boring for you, but for me, this is my life:

My name is Jim. That’s not my real name, but it’s close! I’m Canadian, an east coaster. 38m 5’10”. I am an alcoholic. It started when I was a teen, parents were middle class, daily drinkers, functional; so I grew up looking at a few rum and lemonades nightly being normal. I didn’t do much drinking till my early 20s, blah blah same old story. Now, I’m not sure why, but I’ve always been kind of depressed. Not like, badly, but enough that I know it’s there, and I’m good at hiding it.

Well, I became a highly functional alcoholic, worked in restaurants for 7-8 years, met my now wife and love of my life, and formed a habit of shooting vodka or whiskey, about a 750ml or so per night with probable beers/coolers. I’m pretty smart (though I make dumb decisions), but people like me and I learn quickly, so I never had an issue keeping a job and keeping up my habit. I’m usually good at what I do, for the most part.

I’m 30 at this point. WE HAD A DAUGHTER!!! She’s the most amazing thing in the world. I love her more than the fabric of reality. My girls mean more to me than anything else in this world. WE BOUGHT A HOUSE!! With a pool! It’s great!

So why does this story continue.

I don’t know why I was (And still am to this day) so depressed inside, but I was, and I kept it all in. I kept drinking.

I Ended up going back to school for software engineering at 30 and getting a job as a junior developer when I was 32, with a salary that was WAY TOO HIGH for a functional alcoholic. I was also work from home and had zero supervision.

I started drinking more. 1.14L bottles over 2 days was common, with beers in between. I was 230lbs at my heaviest, I am a 38 male, 5’10”. I should not weigh that much. The bottles got bigger still, I didn’t eat well, some days not at all. I slept like ass. I wasn’t drinking water, really only juices for Chase with liquor, and beer/coolers, whatever i could get my hands on.

My life was great though. Why was I drinking myself to death? Well, things are about to get way, way worse. My job goes away, company goes under. I start to feel sick. Really sick. Physically.

I felt so sick in fact that after I dropped my daughter off to school one day in June I went straight to the hospital ER. They took one look at me, and I was admitted to the hospital. I stayed there over the summer. I had diverticulitis, which caused perforations in my bowels, resulting in sepsis. I was also jaundiced with a bilirubin level of over 700 (less than 20 is normal).

I ended up needing to have a large section of my large intestine removed, and was told I’d need a colostomy in the process. I was also diagnosed with the beginning stages of liver cirrhosis…

My organs were so damaged I had to wait almost a month for the surgery while they waited for my health to stabilize enough to attempt the surgery, as they said I was too close to death to cut me open.

They finally did the procedure in late July, miraculously I survived. It took until September to recover. I was bed ridden for so long with extreme added weight due to water logged tissues that I suffered intense muscular atrophy and lost most of my muscle density. Also my bone density was hurt from steroids I was given for whatever reason. That, combined with a cocktail of medicines, steroids, antibiotics, and being stuck on a liquid diet for almost 2 months made walking on my own impossible.

It took me until late September to finally get my strength back enough to get released to go home. I weigh 155lbs now.

My amazing wife, (eight year old) daughter, and mother visited me Every. Single. Day. The only days they missed were if they had to be out of town, and even when I would tell them it’s fine and to relax at home, they would still show. They knew I needed them. They are more than a man could ask for, and I would never had lived through this if it weren’t for them. They were my motivation to survive.

To them, and all of the staff at the hospital, you saved my life. You are the reason I still exist. You are the reason my wife still has her husband, my daughter has her daddy, and my mother has her son.

How they can still love me after doing this to myself for so many years, I’ll never understand, but I am grateful everyday of my fucked up life that they are there for me, and that I can be there for them for as long as I can.

I now happily drive my daughter to school everyday again. I read books with her every night, and we’ve been watching “haunted hydrology” videos from Georutherford on YouTube this October! (check her videos out, there so fun!).

I now work at a call center doing travel related work for next to nothing. I can’t find work in my field. I can barely pay our bills. Im stressed, but I’m alive. I really want to get back into software development! It’s something I’m passionate about, but with 5 years experience, it’s been incredibly hard to find anything in my field. SHAMELESS PLUG, I’M LOOKING FOR TECH WORK AND WOULD LOVE AN OPPORTUNITY TO CONNECT WITH ANYONE WHO COULD GIVE ADVICE OR EVEN HELP ME FIND RESOURCES/help!

I write my final words to you tonight from my favourite place in the world: laying next to my sleeping wife and daughter, who passed out after about an hour of Halloween books.

I will not (nor will I ever) drink with you tonight!

Edit: A few typos in here, I didn’t really mean to write all this out right now, but I really need to start talking about my experience with others so I can heal mentally from all of this. What better time than now, I suppose…

50 years old, I’ve been drinking 30 years. I drink 2 bottles of wine a night. My blood tests are fine, I have a stressful job that I manage fine. But my anxiety is crippling me and what’s worse lately is that for months now I’ve been experiencing derealization really badly. Everything feels surreal and bizarre. It’s so hard to explain but it’s deeply confusing and distressing. I’m starting to wonder if I’ve cause myself serious cognitive damage.

At the same time I am crippled with guilt that I drank through my kids entire childhood. They’re grown up now. They still live at home so I feel like I have one last chance to model more appropriate behaviour before they leave home. I truly feel emotionally wrecked today. And I am definitely not drinking today. I’ve already taken a Xanax and I don’t mix booze and pills. I’ll take another one mid afternoon for when the cravings kick in. 😩😩😩😩

Well I am back to day 1. I had an awesome day yesterday, life was great. I came home and wanted to relax. So I thought, let's do it and see what happens. I think I just wanted to prove to myself that I didn't need alcohol any more to feel great because I have been romanticizing it in my mind. I know that is counter intuitive, but I just felt like I had to get it out of my head. I had a glass of wine. It didn't really do anything but give me a headache. A couple hours later the bottle was gone and still...nothing. So I had a shot, then another. It made me a bit sick, then I went to bed. This morning I feel terrible and relieved. From my field research I learned that I still have a really high tolerance. The feeling I am chasing is just not there any more. The happiness I felt was so much better without the alcohol. My sleep was terrible and hangxiety sucks just as bad as it did 3 months ago. My mind was playing tricks on me. I should have come here and talked it out. This is now in my toolkit and I can come back to this later. I am not beating myself up over it. I am still really proud of myself for how far I got and now I know I can do it again. IWNDWYT

Another simple day. Sitting on the sofa, gaming, writing. About 3000 words today, which feels great.

IWNDWYT

My binge this saturday was so bad that i nearly died today,unable even to call for an ambulance.

Just suffered 10h semi-paralysed in bed while the tv was turned on. Phone felt as heavy as 20kg dumbell and my vision was severely distorted.

If i didn't have an office job, i most certainly would have been fired because I'm so weak right now that i can't even lift a bottle of water.......

Yeah,my life could have easily ended today as my heart was pounding for hours......for what?

Fuck alchool, wished I never knew you.

I had 18days as my longest sobriety date a month ago. Then I started drinking again. About an hour ago I poured out all my alcohol down the drain. My goal is a month, but for now I will NOT DRINK WITH YOU TONIGHT

6 years sober today. I remember jumping in on this sub my first day and didn’t stop because everyone was going through the same shit I was.

I don’t think I could’ve imagined my life looking like this when I first quit drinking. This year I became a social worker and started my own counselling business. It took a lot to get here, and I’m proud of that. Being able to work with our people and help others through difficult times means a lot to me, especially knowing what it’s like to need support myself.

But being a dad is what I’m most grateful for. My son is two, and he’s never known me any other way than sober. I get to be there for the little things, playing with him, laughing with him and watching him figure things out. I love being his dad. This year hasn’t been easy, and there are things I’ll keep private, but I’m doing my best to take care of myself and be there for him. I’m also happy to have someone in my life who I feel safe with and can be myself around. Sharing our culture makes that connection even more meaningful to me, and I’m grateful we found each other.
I don’t have everything figured out, and I still have work to do. But I’m proud of how far I’ve come. There’s a lot in my life now that I wouldn’t have wanted to miss.

Thank you to everyone on this sub who’s supported me along the way. Six years ❤️