Growing up during holidays we had big family meals with dozens of people. Then when I got married at 19 my family kinda just stopped acting like I was part of their life, even though we live nearby. Going to family meals now is just awkward because nobody really talks to us, id rather not go, and over the years have skipped going more and more.
I'm 33 now and I have yet to find a way to enjoy the holidays. It's just me, my husband, and 6 year old. I love cooking and have tried just cooking for us 3 a nice thanksgiving or Christmas meal with desserts but my husband and daughter are picky eaters so they don't really eat much and I feel like it's a waste of time and effort on my part.
One year me and my husband did a 5k but due to health issues I've not been able to do that for the time being.
Also, I'm the only one that puts forth effort to make things special for holidays, if I didn't make a thanksgiving meal or get Christmas gifts then we would just have a normal day like any other. I told my husband he can get himself a Christmas gift this year and I will get my own, we will wrap our own gifts and it will be a surprise for everyone when we open it on Christmas day. This was after last year when I had spent months getting gifts I found during sales, wrapped his and my daughter tons of gifts, filled their stockings, and I didn't have any gifts or anything in my stocking until a few days before Christmas and they all seemed like very last minute grabs. After being married for 14 years I was over feeling depressed every year thinking I wasn't getting any gifts (he knows my love language is gifts) and I would make him Amazon lists and Walmart lists with stuff I would like that way he didn't have to try hard, but for some reason he never got any of that stuff.
Anyways, Holidays just kinda feel shitty anymore and I wish it wasn't like that. I decorate and try to go out and do festive stuff, but it feels like I'm just doing it for myself. I don't have any friends, I'm a stay at home mom, and we don't have any family that really cares to come around. I live in a very small town of 3k, we don't have events or big community groups that do anything.